What has been the impact of rejection on your view of writing, publishing, and the future?

Gen5150

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Since several writers have mentioned changing their approaches to writing after agent or editor rejections, I wanted to ask about the ways that responses have changed your perspective or expectations as a writer. The topic is designed to be slightly vague because certain writers might be reconsidering their genre choices, others might be reconsidering traditional publishing, others might be wrestling with their identities as a writer, others might be confronting the reality that their work is not the next bestseller etc. Feel free to post multiple times or update in the future.

For example,

I am in the process of rethinking my image, which sounds extremely pretentious, but I cannot find better words. Essentially, I dedicated ages to writing a dark fantasy with social commentary and controversial political metaphors. I imagined the influence that novel would have on the way that others looked at me. As writers, our first impressions to the world are our books. While that novel is being rejected, I'm writing a YA contemporary, which I am hoping will make readers feel warm and happy inside. The tone is different. The writing style is different. The impression on others would be entirely different. Of course, I've never intended to be defined by a single narrative, but the difference between those impressions on readers and reception of my work should either become mainstream would be drastic. I suppose that switching genres is the closest thing that writers have to rebranding themselves, so it is fascinating to think about.

In other words, what changed after confronting rejection? Minor changes? Major changes? Mindset changes?
 

cool pop

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My mindset and outlook as not just a writer but as a person changed thanks to rejection. Rejection made me stronger and it also made my writing stronger. If I hadn't gotten all those rejections when I first started writing, I wouldn't have improved. Rejection hurts. It hurts terribly when someone rejects your work. The challenge for writers is we have a difficult time separating our work from who we are. We take a rejection or a bad review as a knock to our character but it's really just about our work. Still, knowing that, it stings when I get a bad review here and there or criticism but I look at it objectively (which being rejected all those years helped me do) and I can pick up on things that I need to improve upon, etc.

I was with trade publishers for years and now I am indie. I have fans and a huge back list. I've had bestsellers and flops. I've won and been nominated for writing awards. I've worked with some very talented, popular writers. I've accomplished a lot, but, out of all of that, rejection is always there. People think once you get published that rejection is gone. Nope. You still get rejected whether it's by readers who don't like your book or even your publisher who decides not to take your latest book for whatever reason. Rejection is a part of this business. When I accepted that, it made me handle it better. Do I like being rejected even now? NO. No one likes rejection and yes it still hurts. No matter what level of writer you are, you will always face rejection somewhere.

This is why it's important having confidence in your writing. If we don't have confidence in ourselves we won't get far. Another thing is to take rejection as an opportunity to learn and get better. I am always improving or at least trying to. I am never content with my progress. I always try to get better even if I am doing a good job.

So what I learned from rejection is much bigger than writing. It helped me in life because I showed myself how strong I was when I never gave up despite people who didn't like my work or who felt it wasn't anything worth publishing.

I am happier now than I've ever been as a writer. :)
 
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Elenitsa

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I would also say that rejection would be better if accompanied by advice and recommendations. Only this way it helps you grow.

You, as a young, aspiring writer, have submitted your work to a publisher. Maybe you have written and revised all alone. Maybe you have known there are classes and attended them (in my country, very few classes on creative writing, given as workshops, as it isn't even University subject). Maybe you have been member of a literary group, but the group's leader had taught you everything he could. Your book isn't good enough for publishing yet, but it has potential.

Instead of a form rejection letter, criticising weak points and emphasising strong points would be better, maybe followed by recommendations how to improve (read this book on writing, available on the market - because if it isn't available in your country, it's recommended in vain - join one of the literary groups in this list, take this available class...) If you are told just NO, but you don't know what avenues to take to further grow, that NO is just going to discourage you, instead of helping you grow.

There are, in this world, a few publishers and writers who want to be mentors to the younger, to help building the new generation of writers. Most of them, sadly, are feeling threatened, not to come a stronger writer from the newer generations, and don't help them grow.
 

Chris P

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The rejection (and here and there acceptance) of my work has brought into focus my strengths, but also where I need to do work. I write certain kinds of stories and certain types of scenes quite well, while I totally suck at others.Then I get to decide if, given the particular situation, if I need to stick with my strengths or push myself to overcome an obstacle. It would be nice if I could follow the advice of following my gut, but my gut is unschooled. For me, being accepted is the final test of what works, and what doesn't.

That's for what rejection tells me about writing. Rejection (and acceptance) has taught me tons more about publishing. There are trends, and what was hot stuff even five years ago might not sell today. It helps if you can read the winds, and write to your intended market and audience (this is why many magazines want you to read several issues before submitting) (reading the editors's blogs if they have them is hugely helpful too). Some publishers will work with you to strengthen your story, others will nose huff in derision if it isn't their version of perfect. Some people care about the art while others only care about the sales. It helps if you can care about both. I need to remember always that publishing is an industry, and my writing is the product traded through that industry. Some of the most personally rewarding things I've written will never be published. That doesn't mean it's bad, it just means it's not what is going to sell. I don't believe there is a market for every story, even if that story is mine and well written. However, my stories have a much hetter chance the more I understand the industry. Rejections show me one side of the continuum, acceptances tell me the other.
 

lizmonster

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I would also say that rejection would be better if accompanied by advice and recommendations.

Well, sure, it might be more helpful to the writer. But this doesn't happen for a couple of reasons:

1) Publishers and agents aren't in the business of teaching people how to write saleable material. They're in the business of finding material they believe they can sell. This isn't callous or unkind or a result of people feeling "threatened" - this is how they make a living, and reading potential work is a tiny part of their professional obligations. In most cases, they do not have time for anything but form rejections.

2) I've heard agents and editors tell stories of people who take detailed rejections as R&Rs, and return to them saying "I've made the X changes you asked for, where's my contract?" At a con I attended a few years ago, a prominent SFF story editor said because of this she almost always sticks with form rejections now.

3) Agents sometimes get threats and stalking from people they reject. The best way to protect themselves from this is to keep things as businesslike as possible. (And yeah, you may be the Sincere Person Who Really Just Wants To Know What The Deal Is And Would Never Be Weird About It, but they can't know that.)

As for how rejection has affected me? I'm the wrong person to ask, I think. Being published has been a far more brutal experience than pre-publication rejections. Publishing can be an awful business, and the sooner you can get over artistic fragility, the better chance you'll have at survival. (Note: I'm not over it.)
 

Introversion

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The best rejection I've yet gotten was from a very competitive online U.S. short-story market. It included a few short, positive passages from the reviewers who'd read my submission. Some of them quite liked it. Really took the sting out of the rejection. But as Liz says, that's uncommon, for the reasons she states. Most of the rejections I've gotten were forms.

So rejections haven't improved my writing. Writing short stories improved my writing, because I have a tendency to wander & bloviate & stare at the scenery. Can't do much of that in a 6,000 word "budget", and still tell a coherent story.
 

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Rejection hasn't fundamentally changed what I'm writing about but it has shaped how I write it. The package is different but the theme is the same. I agree with Liz, that rejection after being published is a nasty sort of wound that takes more drilling down to recover from. Writing under a pen name helped because it took me out of the equation. Self-publishing helped because I became a publisher who had to work to sell the author's books (mine) and hello, not easy. I'm not modifying my style to convince an agent I'm marketable. I'm trying to get better at communicating my theme so the book is marketable. Rejection means I haven't nailed it yet.
 

Elenitsa

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I am not talking about agents, because they are sort of a mystery for me, since there are none in my country. We have only editors/ publishers (this is again the same thing here, given that a publishing house is called Editura, while press would mean newspapers and magazines), who do together with the writers what agents should have done in other countries.

But fortunately there are a few senior writers and publishers who do become mentors for the younger ones, who like discovering and promoting young talents, so this is possible. Rare, but possible. I wish it was more generalised, though. Because it is good not only for the young writer, it is also good for the national literature as a whole, because growing the next generations of writers is important.

Making the changes and wanting to resubmit for publishing seems natural to me. I was recommended changes for my 2 first novels, I did the changes and I came with them done, and they got published.

When I first submitted a novel to a publishing house, several years ago, I received no reply rejection. Simply they didn't consider it, and they didn't consider me worth telling that they don't. A few years later, when I submitted to the publishing house with whom I published the first two novels, they said "You have potential, you have a clean, correct language, but you need to check some redundant scenes here and there. Also you have a few words repeating." I did that, they checked again after me, and I got published.
 
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Fuchsia Groan

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I learned a lot about writing to market from nearly 10 years of rejection. I started out writing long, genreless, rambling things, then tried to get into dystopian SF, and eventually managed to get published with a YA thriller. I’ve always enjoyed reading scary books, but it never occurred to me to write them until I tried an idea and that clicked.

Now I’ve gotten the message that scary is my “brand,” which I’m a bit ambivalent about. People tend to react strongly to hearing that you write scary books, especially when they’re for teens. People who are really not into horror sometimes see it as a character flaw. (“What is wrong with you that you want to scare people?”) And while I actually do enjoy scaring myself and other people :) , that’s not all I want to do with writing.

Anyway, I’m at a point where future rejections could make my writing veer off in another track, or it could continue in this one, or I could use pen names to multiply the tracks. I think, for me, writing more than just one type of thing could be the key to the confidence Cool Pop described, because I’ve always loved trying on different writing styles and personas.
 

Introversion

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People who are really not into horror sometimes see it as a character flaw. (“What is wrong with you that you want to scare people?”)

I’d be tempted to reply, “Well, it’s less bother and mess than killing them, like I did before writing horror.”
 

zmethos

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I think rejection has been a sort of continuing confirmation for me that self-publishing is really my best option. I've self-published six books and had two published by small presses, and my self-published work does far better. Recently, I wrote a YA contemporary that I felt sure was commercially viable, so I did a round of querying but--despite many requests--it never went anywhere. In that particular instance, however, the feedback was remarkably consistent. So I'm currently rewriting that manuscript. I did consider just self-publishing as is, but given the very homogenous response, I think I would have felt like I was half-@$$ing it had I just kicked it out into the world without trying to make it better. At the same time, it's now a very different book--the MC is completely changed, and I liked her the way she used to be, but I think I can like her this way too? So rejection does cause me to second guess my faith in my work. Maybe that's a good thing? At least some of the time? If it means I'm pushed to produce a better product?
 

Gen5150

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The challenge for writers is we have a difficult time separating our work from who we are.
If you are told just NO, but you don't know what avenues to take to further grow, that NO is just going to discourage you, instead of helping you grow.

I believe that these sentiments are connected because all rejections are not equal. An author who writes a novel with graphic sex would not be shocked to encounter readers/agents/editors who are not interested in their work, but reading critiques of their writing style would be more painful. It is more challenge to separate oneself from ambiguous rejections because we can imagine that everything from our writing to ideas are flawed.

There are trends, and what was hot stuff even five years ago might not sell today.

My current philosophy is that the market should be the tiebreaker. If I cannot get a specific project out of my head, I will write it immediately regardless of the market. But if I look into my ideas folder and have to debate my next writing project, then marketability should be the tiebreaker.

Being published has been a far more brutal experience than pre-publication rejections.

The stakes are definitely higher. Failure at the query level is soon forgotten by everyone but the writer. Rejection from readers or challenges with publishers can leave a much bigger stain on our careers.

Because it is good not only for the young writer, it is also good for the national literature as a whole, because growing the next generations of writers is important.

It is unfortunate that the hustle and bustle of the U.S. and U.K. markets can undercut the craft of writing. I love the business of writing, but I am also curious as to the community that we would have without capitalism, competition, and the "time is money" mindset.

I did consider just self-publishing as is, but given the very homogenous response, I think I would have felt like I was half-@$$ing it had I just kicked it out into the world without trying to make it better. At the same time, it's now a very different book--the MC is completely changed, and I liked her the way she used to be, but I think I can like her this way too? So rejection does cause me to second guess my faith in my work. Maybe that's a good thing? At least some of the time? If it means I'm pushed to produce a better product?

This is my personality type! I cannot stand to feel that I am resorting to the easier option, or half-@$$ing. I am ambitious, but I am also paranoid that I will regret not putting in more effort when I am working towards something. I do think that I could be successful with self-publishing, but I don't know that I would be successful enough to not continuing wondering I tried hard enough with traditional publishing.
 

cool pop

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Just to clarify so there aren't any misconceptions. Serious self-published writers don't half ass our work. We put in just as much time as other writers in perfecting our work. The difference is, instead of relying on agents and editors from publishing houses, we use professional critique groups, freelance editors, beta readers, other experienced authors, all types of things to make sure we're on the right track. My point is that just because someone self-publishes doesn't mean they don't run their work past tons of different eyes, etc. Many self-published authors have their own team of editors, etc. It's common for self-published authors to work with two or more editors who are experienced in different things. Some authors have several editors they work with for each book not to mention proofreaders, test readers, and beta readers. Self-published authors often take months going back and forth with editors to make sure their work is on point and many of the editors we use are editors who worked for trade publishers so these are quality editors.

We do all we can to make sure our work is the best quality it can be before putting it out in the world. Choosing to self-publish is a viable option for writers if they are willing to work hard, be dedicated, and keep learning. It's definitely not easy and not for everyone though. While there are differences between trade published author and self-published authors, most of us are the same when it comes to caring about quality.

Also as many pointed out above, when you are trying to break into trade publishing, agents and editors aren't gonna give you in-depth guidance anyway. Most won't send you anything past a form letter. So you are still alone to figure things out and have to find options to see if your work has merit such as critique groups, beta readers, which are the same things self-publish authors use. :Thumbs:
 
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April Swanson

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Just to clarify so there aren't any misconceptions. Serious self-published writers don't half ass our work. We put in just as much time as other writers in perfecting our work. The difference is, instead of relying on agents and editors from publishing houses, we use professional critique groups, freelance editors, beta readers, other experienced authors, all types of things to make sure we're on the right track. My point is that just because someone self-publishes doesn't mean they don't run their work past tons of different eyes, etc. Many self-published authors have their own team of editors, etc. It's common for self-published authors to work with two or more editors who are experienced in different things. Some authors have several editors they work with for each book not to mention proofreaders, test readers, and beta readers. Self-published authors often take months going back and forth with editors to make sure their work is on point and many of the editors we use are editors who worked for trade publishers so these are quality editors.

We do all we can to make sure our work is the best quality it can be before putting it out in the world. Choosing to self-publish is a viable option for writers if they are willing to work hard, be dedicated, and keep learning. It's definitely not easy and not for everyone though. While there are differences between trade published author and self-published authors, most of us are the same when it comes to caring about quality.

Also as many pointed out above, when you are trying to break into trade publishing, agents and editors aren't gonna give you in-depth guidance anyway. Most won't send you anything past a form letter. So you are still alone to figure things out and have to find options to see if your work has merit such as critique groups, beta readers, which are the same things self-publish authors use. :Thumbs:

Second this. Also, I think it's a terrible idea to self-publish just because you got rejected by agents (unless they all say they can't find a place for your book on the shelf, in which case, go for it). It's not as simple as brilliant books = accepted, mediocre books = rejected. If you come to self-pubbing from a place of rejection you'll always have an inferiority complex. I purposely put querying on hold while I researched the option of self-publishing, so I didn't choose it simply to avoid the pain of rejection. In the end I chose it because it better suited my personality and career goals. Self-publishing is an alternative route, not an inferior route. Also, now I've self-published a number of novels, I can safely say there's also plenty of rejection on this side too! Except on this side, the rejection comes straight from readers... :cry:

To answer the original post, I think rejection has made me better at just sticking my head down and getting on with it. I don't pay much heed to reviews, negative or positive, and I try to avoid them best I can. I always assess feedback from editors and critique partners with as cool a head as possible. I don't think rejection ever gets easier, but I've learned how to deal with it better.
 
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zmethos

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If you think I was saying self-published authors do shoddy work, I wasn't. I actually gave a presentation at our local library for their NaNoWriMo programming about "Producing a Polished Manuscript." (The library recorded it; it's on YouTube for the curious.) And I covered all these things: the need for a critique group, beta readers, editors. And *then* deciding which publishing path to take. Because every manuscript, regardless of publishing path, should go through a very stringent process. For me, I decide on a book-by-book basis whether I want to try for an agent or publisher, or whether it's going to be a self-pub. I know going in what my plan is for the manuscript. Though since my self-published work does much, much better on the market, I'm more and more inclined to just continue doing that.

And yes, we do still get rejected, but as April Swanson points out, that comes directly from the readers. Well, not every book is for everyone. Ideally, more readers accept than reject your work!

Sorry for getting OT from the original post.
 

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Its a good performance indicator, I found - rejections mean that you're actually put yourself out there, and getting a greater his rate of acceptances means that you've either become a) better at writing or b) Learned to chose your markets correctly...
 

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Rejection can be demotivating at first, but knowing that it's normal for a writer to be rejected. I remember at the beginning getting upset about it but with time I realized that it's part of the publishing process and I need to improve my writing skills constantly and work on the details of the book.

Sometimes as writers, we take rejections personally as though they are direct attacks whereas that's not the case. There are various reasons why stores do get rejected but it only takes one acceptance for the book to get a good publishing deal. Some stories may not be promising enough especially fantasy stories. Although they're being published a lot and they keep increasing but I find working on this genre in particular needs a lot of work.

I never worked with an agent before and my story got rejected many times, so I ended up self-publishing it. It's not the best choice but it's the other option that a writer always has. I'm still working on publishing it physically but I'm in no rush at all.
 

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Rejection helped change my approach, looking at what worked and what didn't. For short stories, this meant looking at how I would tend to focus on ideas or plot over character development. I had to incorporate the "human side" of writing (which still makes me a little uneasy since that rests on cultural values and enduring stereotypes).
 

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Since several writers have mentioned changing their approaches to writing after agent or editor rejections, I wanted to ask about the ways that responses have changed your perspective or expectations as a writer. The topic is designed to be slightly vague because certain writers might be reconsidering their genre choices, others might be reconsidering traditional publishing, others might be wrestling with their identities as a writer, others might be confronting the reality that their work is not the next bestseller etc. Feel free to post multiple times or update in the future.

For example,

I am in the process of rethinking my image, which sounds extremely pretentious, but I cannot find better words. Essentially, I dedicated ages to writing a dark fantasy with social commentary and controversial political metaphors. I imagined the influence that novel would have on the way that others looked at me. As writers, our first impressions to the world are our books. While that novel is being rejected, I'm writing a YA contemporary, which I am hoping will make readers feel warm and happy inside. The tone is different. The writing style is different. The impression on others would be entirely different. Of course, I've never intended to be defined by a single narrative, but the difference between those impressions on readers and reception of my work should either become mainstream would be drastic. I suppose that switching genres is the closest thing that writers have to rebranding themselves, so it is fascinating to think about.

In other words, what changed after confronting rejection? Minor changes? Major changes? Mindset changes?

Ummm--I think for me I now see writing as falling into two camps, and I could enjoy either. One is writing the story I want to write--and being thrilled that I can self-publish. (That's what I'm doing). Two is telling a story that is enjoyed by others. (This is cool too).

I think the rejections really clarified the business vs. creativity angle of writing, and books in general.

Of course it ain't that simple, and you can slice and dice any endeavor however you want, but in a nutshell that's the clarity rejection is giving me personally.
 
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I'd like to be able to say it's made me stronger or a better writer, that it's allowed me to develop my own confidence in my work without caring how it relates to others. I'd like to be able to say that after the first few, I developed thicker skin and am tougher for it.

But that's not true. All the rejections -- first from agents, then from editors, then from my agent and editor -- has sort of broken my spirit, to be honest. It's taken the fun out of writing, because now everything is tinged with a feeling of marketability and attractiveness. it's made me question my ideas a lot harder than it used to -- if I had an idea I'd just run with it to see what happened. Now before I put effort into an idea, i try to think about who'd want to read it, how it would appeal to agents and editors, how it fits in a New York-dominated landscape, what it says about society -- all the things that got me dinged in the past. So i find myself shell shocked when I stare at the screen, which I do now more than I did before I got slapped around in the rejection circles. Hell, it's even sent me to therapy because when i sit down to write lately i start shaking.

As much as I'd like to echo everyone saying how it helps them grow, what it's done to me is make me doubt the one thing I used to take pride in. I know it was always inevitable, but it still sucks.
 

April Swanson

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I'd like to be able to say it's made me stronger or a better writer, that it's allowed me to develop my own confidence in my work without caring how it relates to others. I'd like to be able to say that after the first few, I developed thicker skin and am tougher for it.

But that's not true. All the rejections -- first from agents, then from editors, then from my agent and editor -- has sort of broken my spirit, to be honest. It's taken the fun out of writing, because now everything is tinged with a feeling of marketability and attractiveness. it's made me question my ideas a lot harder than it used to -- if I had an idea I'd just run with it to see what happened. Now before I put effort into an idea, i try to think about who'd want to read it, how it would appeal to agents and editors, how it fits in a New York-dominated landscape, what it says about society -- all the things that got me dinged in the past. So i find myself shell shocked when I stare at the screen, which I do now more than I did before I got slapped around in the rejection circles. Hell, it's even sent me to therapy because when i sit down to write lately i start shaking.

As much as I'd like to echo everyone saying how it helps them grow, what it's done to me is make me doubt the one thing I used to take pride in. I know it was always inevitable, but it still sucks.

:Hug2:I totally get this. As an indie I can dodge rejections from editors and agents, but I still have a fear the book won't be successful. This fear has got worse over the past couple of years and led to some pretty spectacular writer's block. It is so, so hard to forget about the end product while writing. And yeah, I can publish anything I write, but I want to make some money so I have to take marketing etc into account. I also scrutinise an idea until it dies a sorry death. You're right, it does suck. Sucks big time.
 

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I have no idea how it's changed things. I find that hard to measure.

Relatively speaking, I haven't been doing this very long. I do have a lot of rejections of rthe amount of time/novels I've queried, but that's because I queried MS1 far past the point of exhaustion. I understand, now, why people stop at 40 or 50. In most cases, there is little value seeking out 100+ agents.

I don't have many expectations of success, but I also have no other options, so eh.
 

Taylor Harbin

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My mindset and outlook as not just a writer but as a person changed thanks to rejection. Rejection made me stronger and it also made my writing stronger. If I hadn't gotten all those rejections when I first started writing, I wouldn't have improved. Rejection hurts. It hurts terribly when someone rejects your work. The challenge for writers is we have a difficult time separating our work from who we are. We take a rejection or a bad review as a knock to our character but it's really just about our work. Still, knowing that, it stings when I get a bad review here and there or criticism but I look at it objectively (which being rejected all those years helped me do) and I can pick up on things that I need to improve upon, etc.

I was with trade publishers for years and now I am indie. I have fans and a huge back list. I've had bestsellers and flops. I've won and been nominated for writing awards. I've worked with some very talented, popular writers. I've accomplished a lot, but, out of all of that, rejection is always there. People think once you get published that rejection is gone. Nope. You still get rejected whether it's by readers who don't like your book or even your publisher who decides not to take your latest book for whatever reason. Rejection is a part of this business. When I accepted that, it made me handle it better. Do I like being rejected even now? NO. No one likes rejection and yes it still hurts. No matter what level of writer you are, you will always face rejection somewhere.

This is why it's important having confidence in your writing. If we don't have confidence in ourselves we won't get far. Another thing is to take rejection as an opportunity to learn and get better. I am always improving or at least trying to. I am never content with my progress. I always try to get better even if I am doing a good job.

So what I learned from rejection is much bigger than writing. It helped me in life because I showed myself how strong I was when I never gave up despite people who didn't like my work or who felt it wasn't anything worth publishing.

I am happier now than I've ever been as a writer. :)

I wish I had your confidence and balanced perspective. I’m not even sure how honest I should be right now because I am very deflated and don’t want to start frothing at the mouth.. Rejection often leaves me confused and then I slide into discouragement. My most recent one had me thinking, “Shoot. I experimented with so much and really stretched myself and it still failed. How can I possibly get better after all that?” On my worst days I’m bitter and resentful, resentful that I spend weeks and weeks meticulously crafting a story only to have it rejected after two days because “the plot didn’t move fast enough.” I’ve got six story credits to my name after five years, all sold to minor markets for a penny a word.

It hurts so much because I barely have time to write anything, let alone master the business aspect. Even when betas give me positive feedback I’m doubtful because my best “loved” stories are still unpublished. When I hit rock bottom I think “Maybe I should give up and do something else, something I might succeed at.” And this is just with short stories. I can’t imagine trying this with a 500+ page novel even though I’ve written several. And as far as doing other things, I can’t. This is the one thing I sometimes think I’m good at...until I don’t. Yet I can’t make myself stop.

Even on good days when I try to get pumped by listening to success stories I can’t suppress the thought of “Wow. They made it.” To quote something I saw recently: “I feel like a man dying of thirst watching another man drown.”

Getting back to the OP. Rejection has taught me a few valuable lessons, and I have noticed a definite improvement in my work. But it is still not good enough.
 

Earthling

I come in peace
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Rejection helped me realise just how subjective the industry is. I'd read a lot about how you need to find the right agent/editor but it didn't really sink in until I started to see contradictory feedback, or close-but-no-cigar feedback. One agent who knows her stuff says there's no chemistry between my romantic partners. Another agent who knows her stuff says she's in love with the romantic partners and their relationship. Neither is "right" or "wrong," and nor is my manuscript or the way that I write. It's right for some people and wrong for others, and there is nothing I can do to change that. Try to please everybody and you end up pleasing nobody.

I'm so grateful I went through the process because it prepared me for reader reviews. The negative or lukewarm reviews don't hurt - they're just feedback I can either learn from, or shelve on the "Different strokes for different folk" area. Positive reviews are lovely and encouraging. And I never expected to get all glowing 5* reviews, because nothing I've ever written (and nothing anybody has written, ever) had universal praise.

I won't pretend querying was fun, because at the time it seemed like I needed an agent or my dreams were over. But with hindsight I can see how positive an experience it was - as well as the subsequent submissions to editors - and how it changed my view of writing and the industry for the better. At least, it changed it to make it a much easier industry for me to try to navigate.
 

Barbara R.

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It sounds weird, but I'm all in favor of rejection. It stings like hell, but it can have great results if it causes us to go back, time and time again, to a ms. that is almost but not quite where it needs to be. As a former agent and a writer, I've been on both sides of rejections. Knowing that they helped me up my game as a writer has made me feel not quite as bad about books I had to reject as an agent.

I wrote this piece about the counterintuitive value of rejection, in case you're interested.