So, my last 365 days have been an absolute dumpster fire. It's just a series of insane things (some my fault. Surprisingly though, many were far out of my control).
My husband and I decided to open a business and a year ago, everything started falling apart. We were faced with the very real possibility of the business never opening and us losing everything. So, we took a gamble and emptied our retirement accounts to fund what we could.
December 12th, my sister died unexpectedly. She'd been having kidney trouble, and was in and out of the hospital, but when they got her on dialysis, she got better and everything was 'fine'. Then, in the wee hours of the morning, she went into cardiac arrest, had a stroke, and died. After she had gotten better from this horrible thing that tried to kill her. And just like that, I was an only child. (Related to that, there are words for people who lose children and spouses and parents. Is there a word for someone that used to have a sister but doesn't anymore?)
December 25th, my Grandmother died from bronchitis. She was one of the kindest souls I've ever encountered.
December 26th, we opened our business. It should have been exciting. It was depressing and bittersweet. With all our marketing lost and sent to the wrong state, there was no fanfare (to say the least).
December 27th, the remnants of my family had to drive to MN for my grandmother's funeral. The drive was cold. Seriously cold. It got below negative 30.
January 11th, the clutch went out in my car and I paid $1200 to fix it.
January 13th, our business was broken into and burglarized. Not much was stolen and they left all their tools and heroin behind. Mostly, they just hung out for 5 hours, took showers, ate candy, and broke things.
January 17th, while driving home from work, someone ran a red light and crashed into the driver's side of my car. I spun across five lanes of traffic, over a median, hit another car, went backwards over a curb and narrowly missed smashing into a tree. The driver of the other vehicle got out of his car while I was trapped in mine, walked into the road to retrieve his detached license plate, returned to his vehicle, and drove away. The driver that I hit (honestly, I hadn't even realized I had swiped his car and he had very little damage), was super nice. He stopped and made sure I was okay and comforted me until police arrived. He then got arrested (for some serious amounts of drugs in his car, but I still felt like it was my fault). My car was totaled. It was smashed up curls of torn metal. My insurance refused to cover my car even though I carried extra insurance for uninsured/under-insured drivers. Their reason? I wasn't hurt (somehow) and since it was a hit and run, they didn't know which applied and didn't HAVE to do anything. P.S. I'm still paying for that clutch. Awesome.
I spent all of February and March learning to run a business with an employee that (honestly) told people it was her business and was utterly disrespectful.
I'm sure you're thinking I'm getting to the fairy tale part where everything turned around and my life is wonderful. Said employee was let go/quit and I spent two months working 12 hour days 7 days a week! I cry for my sister and grandmother everyday. I still work at the business everyday, have a second full-time job and a part-time job as a waitress! My cat died. My chinchilla died. I still don't have a car. The business is failing. We lost all our retirement and savings. I haven't seen my parents in months. We are filing bankruptcy soon and after that, who knows!
But you know what? I'm alive, dammit. I have a WIP I've been working on for years. I want to finish it and so I'm going to. I opened it last week and took a long hard look and began the dreaded editing process. I even used my real-life car accident to change my in-book car accident I had already written.
I'm taking the few free moments I have to read and re-read and polish my WIP (You know, except these minutes, which I'm spending here. But, I always write better when I read what other people are writing, struggling with, or laughing at. Honestly, this forum has been amazing, even when I'm usually just lurking). I'm going to finish my novel by the end of December. I'm going to work on it and have something I'm proud of (who am I kidding? I'm proud I ever finished it). I'm going to finish my query letter. I'm going to write a synopsis. I'm going to find publishers looking for what I'm peddling. I'm going to make it happen. Even if I get rejected (and, based on the year I've had, I'm certain I will. haha).
You know why? My life may be a train-wreck, but my options in life are to sit on the ashes and cry about what I've lost, or move the hell on and not dwell in the soul-crushing, horrific sadness that has consumed me this year. I'm tired. It's time. Are things getting better? I think so. Are things good? No. Am I happy? Absolutely not. Does that suck? Hell yes, it does. Will it be this way forever? Not if I have any say in it.
Six weeks. I'm going to get this done.
Hey, 2019, I'm coming for you
My husband and I decided to open a business and a year ago, everything started falling apart. We were faced with the very real possibility of the business never opening and us losing everything. So, we took a gamble and emptied our retirement accounts to fund what we could.
December 12th, my sister died unexpectedly. She'd been having kidney trouble, and was in and out of the hospital, but when they got her on dialysis, she got better and everything was 'fine'. Then, in the wee hours of the morning, she went into cardiac arrest, had a stroke, and died. After she had gotten better from this horrible thing that tried to kill her. And just like that, I was an only child. (Related to that, there are words for people who lose children and spouses and parents. Is there a word for someone that used to have a sister but doesn't anymore?)
December 25th, my Grandmother died from bronchitis. She was one of the kindest souls I've ever encountered.
December 26th, we opened our business. It should have been exciting. It was depressing and bittersweet. With all our marketing lost and sent to the wrong state, there was no fanfare (to say the least).
December 27th, the remnants of my family had to drive to MN for my grandmother's funeral. The drive was cold. Seriously cold. It got below negative 30.
January 11th, the clutch went out in my car and I paid $1200 to fix it.
January 13th, our business was broken into and burglarized. Not much was stolen and they left all their tools and heroin behind. Mostly, they just hung out for 5 hours, took showers, ate candy, and broke things.
January 17th, while driving home from work, someone ran a red light and crashed into the driver's side of my car. I spun across five lanes of traffic, over a median, hit another car, went backwards over a curb and narrowly missed smashing into a tree. The driver of the other vehicle got out of his car while I was trapped in mine, walked into the road to retrieve his detached license plate, returned to his vehicle, and drove away. The driver that I hit (honestly, I hadn't even realized I had swiped his car and he had very little damage), was super nice. He stopped and made sure I was okay and comforted me until police arrived. He then got arrested (for some serious amounts of drugs in his car, but I still felt like it was my fault). My car was totaled. It was smashed up curls of torn metal. My insurance refused to cover my car even though I carried extra insurance for uninsured/under-insured drivers. Their reason? I wasn't hurt (somehow) and since it was a hit and run, they didn't know which applied and didn't HAVE to do anything. P.S. I'm still paying for that clutch. Awesome.
I spent all of February and March learning to run a business with an employee that (honestly) told people it was her business and was utterly disrespectful.
I'm sure you're thinking I'm getting to the fairy tale part where everything turned around and my life is wonderful. Said employee was let go/quit and I spent two months working 12 hour days 7 days a week! I cry for my sister and grandmother everyday. I still work at the business everyday, have a second full-time job and a part-time job as a waitress! My cat died. My chinchilla died. I still don't have a car. The business is failing. We lost all our retirement and savings. I haven't seen my parents in months. We are filing bankruptcy soon and after that, who knows!
But you know what? I'm alive, dammit. I have a WIP I've been working on for years. I want to finish it and so I'm going to. I opened it last week and took a long hard look and began the dreaded editing process. I even used my real-life car accident to change my in-book car accident I had already written.
I'm taking the few free moments I have to read and re-read and polish my WIP (You know, except these minutes, which I'm spending here. But, I always write better when I read what other people are writing, struggling with, or laughing at. Honestly, this forum has been amazing, even when I'm usually just lurking). I'm going to finish my novel by the end of December. I'm going to work on it and have something I'm proud of (who am I kidding? I'm proud I ever finished it). I'm going to finish my query letter. I'm going to write a synopsis. I'm going to find publishers looking for what I'm peddling. I'm going to make it happen. Even if I get rejected (and, based on the year I've had, I'm certain I will. haha).
You know why? My life may be a train-wreck, but my options in life are to sit on the ashes and cry about what I've lost, or move the hell on and not dwell in the soul-crushing, horrific sadness that has consumed me this year. I'm tired. It's time. Are things getting better? I think so. Are things good? No. Am I happy? Absolutely not. Does that suck? Hell yes, it does. Will it be this way forever? Not if I have any say in it.
Six weeks. I'm going to get this done.
Hey, 2019, I'm coming for you
