sequential questions

indianroads

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What about the kids? Who were they?
or should it be:
What about the kids, who were they?

In context: (this is still an early draft, please go easy on me)

Taking over Sergeant Ross’s office was like moving into a haunted house. The faces of a young woman and two children, a boy and a girl, watched him from framed pictures that stood at the corners of the desk. Earl didn’t know anything about Pat Ross’s life and had no idea who those people were. Was the woman a sister, a lover, or a wife? What about the kids, who were they? In a deep side drawer, he discovered a journal, the answer to his questions were buried within those pages; he didn’t want to touch it though because leafing through such a personal item felt like a violation. He turned the photos face down on the desk and stacked the journal on top. He would stow everything away and hope that a friend or relative could eventually be found to claim them.
 
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ironmikezero

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I think the way you've written it flows pretty well in context; it works just fine for me.

I'd make an adjustment to the next sentence ("In a deep side drawer . . .) by using a semicolon after journal and ending the sentence at ". . . pages." Start a new sentence at "He didn't want to touch . . ."

But hey, that's just my opinion . . .
:Shrug:
 

Don B

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Iron is correct, those are two independent clauses (questions), and so grammatically should each have their own ?

Stylistically, you could bend this to write it with a comma if you had a specific purpose, of course (dialogue, rushing the pace, etc) but I personally don't see a justification here IMHO. It may be better to use another punctuation mark instead of a comma here, like an em dash (the long one), to emphasize the confusion, and cause the reader to pause for a beat. (Just an idea.)

Hope that helps!
 

BethS

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Purely my preference as a reader, but "What about the kids? Who were they?" works better than "What about the kids, who were they?", which contains a comma splice. You could also write: "And the kids--who were they?" Or just put it all in one question: "And who were the kids?"

Also, while "Was the woman a sister, a lover, or a wife?" is perfectly correct and fine, there are different ways to do that, too, such as "Was the woman a sister? Lover? Wife?" Fewer words and less formal. And however you do it, you might consider mentioning "lover" at the end, since that's the most arresting word of the three. Putting it last in the list places it in a power position. Fwiw.
 
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RFEinc

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You could also write: "And the kids--who were they?" Or just put it all in one question: "And who were the kids?"

Agree here! An em dash gives you the stylistic pause without resorting to the full end-stop of another question mark. It also avoids the comma splice, which is both incorrect and stylistically awkward.