How to write a jump scare

LesFewer · Oct 13, 2018

I'm only going to have one jump scare, it's in the middle of the book. It's not a critical scene but it adds to the atmosphere.

What I did was:

1. Described an creepy abandoned building.

2. Two of the group decide to check it out.

3. They open the door.

4. An owl flies out.

5. After the scare they laugh cause it was just an owl.

I tried to use short choppy sentences during the action, detailing the feathers and the buffeting of wings, but It's not "jump scary" enough when I read it. I'm sure Dean Koontz would know how to handle it but I'm no Koontz.

EmmaSohan · Oct 13, 2018

I'm intrigued. Could you post at least the jump-scare sentence and the sentence before?

Scythian · Oct 13, 2018

First give it a fast buildup of "something coming at me" and a refusal to believe this, then an inhuman hooting yell and a flying demon thing through whosever's POV is dominant in the scene, and pump up the internal sensations of fright--maybe all the way to regression to pre-modern reactions of supersitious horror, hair standing on nape, legs going all rubbery, before the brain finally kicks in and it becomes just an owl...

Then a slight 'aftereffect period' with the adrenaline spike receding, heart still thundering, slight shakes, sheepish grins exchanged, etc.

LesFewer · Oct 13, 2018

EmmaSohan said:
I'm intrigued. Could you post at least the jump-scare sentence and the sentence before?

I don't think we're supposed to post stuff we've written. Tell me if I'm wrong, I'd like to know.

Scythian said:
First give it a fast buildup of "something coming at me" and a refusal to believe this, then an inhuman hooting yell and a flying demon thing through whosever's POV is dominant in the scene, and pump up the internal sensations of fright--maybe all the way to regression to pre-modern reactions of supersitious horror, hair standing on nape, legs going all rubbery, before the brain finally kicks in and it becomes just an owl...

Then a slight 'aftereffect period' with the adrenaline spike receding, heart still thundering, slight shakes, sheepish grins exchanged, etc.

I think that's it, I posted a short description of the action thinking well the event happened in a second so I should be brief. But adding to it is the way to go.

Thanks!

EmmaSohan · Oct 13, 2018

You don't have background music, that's one strike against you. You cannot flip images in a fraction of a second, you have to describe. That's two strikes.

But you aren't out, you can do it, just lower your expectations.

What Scythian said, describe it as something scary. It terms of layout, you might try isolating a moment as it's own paragraph.

And try a run-on for the scary moment, that might work. An example of run-on:

A monster in my face, I can't fight it, and its trying to eat my face and crawl down my throat and I'm fighting for my life, and it's black and dark and evil, and I'm going to die or worse.

And then it's gone. Or . . . inside me.

"You weren't scared by that owl, were you?"

Bufty · Oct 13, 2018

All I can suggest is to enact it in your imagination.

Dialogue would work there but, as suggested by Scythian, I would be wary of making that scene too long.

Reading about that particular sort of scare is not the same as watching it on a screen.

Good luck.

Ari Meermans · Oct 13, 2018

I've been thinking this question over, so keep in mind what I'm about to say is purely my opinion. As EmmaSohan pointed out, you don't have the soft background music as film does have, so you'll need to overcome that somehow. Even in film certain types of jump scare—a bird suddenly flying out or a yowling cat running out—have become a bit cliche. If you can find something different and unexpected for a reader who has "seen it all", you might have a good chance of pulling it off.

Harlequin · Oct 13, 2018

I would seek otu good examples of it.

"Authority", the second book of the Southern Reach trilogy, has an incredible jump scare moment which I won't spoil but suffice to say it's been a bloody long time since a book gave me actual gd nightmares. And yes I am a sane, reasonable adult (mostly).

What really worked for me is that the scare didn't rely on a single moment, but on a prolonged sense of building strain, tension, and corkscrewing paranoia to keep the reader on their toes throughout most of the story to that time (a slow burn). It isn't a huge plot relevant point, but it is very memorable and added a lot to the atmosphere of the novel.

Toto Too · Oct 13, 2018

Harlequin is right, it's the slow burn. I would spend a paragraph or two describing the serenity of the scene, then do something quick like:

Kate jumped out of her skin as an owl shot out of the dark and fluttered past her face.
"Ooh! Oh my God!"

LesFewer · Oct 13, 2018

Definitely something to think about. You're right a movie would have the screeching violins that would greatly help the jump scare.

Yes, now that you mention it birds and cats are cliché.

Something that scared me in real life once is it was at night and this deer who I couldn't see, snorted. Or I might have raccoons running around the rafters.

That's something they could add to the next version of the kindle where when your eyes land on a word it starts playing preselected mood music.

MaeZe · Oct 13, 2018

Probably not as dramatic as you are looking for, but from my WIP:

Then I heard the bird call, I could even tell it was George and not Tom. That was all I needed, I descended from the tree. Still not completely safe, I moved parallel to the trail. I thought I was being careful until George jumped right in front of me. I almost fell over.

“Damn, aren’t you getting good at sneaking around,” I said recovering my balance.

I'm still in the process of editing this part of the book.

You don't need music, just an expected safe scene.

LesFewer · Oct 14, 2018

Harlequin said:
What really worked for me is that the scare didn't rely on a single moment, but on a prolonged sense of building strain, tension, and corkscrewing paranoia to keep the reader on their toes throughout most of the story to that time (a slow burn). It isn't a huge plot relevant point, but it is very memorable and added a lot to the atmosphere of the novel.

I think that's how Dean Koontz does it, he creates tension and suspense and you're already on the edge when he pushes you over, if that makes any sense. Even then I think it's rare when he does jump scares. And I haven't read a lot of his stuff as I'm not a fan of thrillers.

Thanks everyone, you've given me something to think about.

Scythian · Oct 14, 2018

Koontz is indeed the master of suspense cranking-upping. You read the first lines of his better thrillers, and you're instantly sucked in for a white knuckle ride, with tension growing more and more as the story progresses.

R. L. Stine, however, is the master jump-scarer. This is a major component of what his demographic craves, and this is what he delivers with aplomb.

Were one able to combine the techniques of the two, even at just 30% skill levels of each, one would be producing badass adventure fiction, whatever the actual content.

MaeZe · Oct 14, 2018

Useful thread. I need to add more tension building up in my example.

BethS · Oct 15, 2018

Fortz said:
I tried to use short choppy sentences during the action, detailing the feathers and the buffeting of wings, but It's not "jump scary" enough when I read it..

I don't think sentence length has anything to do with the effect you're going for. What will make a difference is how much tension is in the lead-up, how unexpected the owl's appearance is (to the reader), the reaction of the viewpoint character, and the words you use to describe the event.

How to write a jump scare

LesFewer

EmmaSohan

Scythian

LesFewer

EmmaSohan

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Ari Meermans

MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter

Harlequin

Eat books, not brains!

Toto Too

LesFewer

MaeZe

LesFewer

Scythian

MaeZe

BethS