I Don't Know How Much Longer I Can Do This

I am hardly a font of wisdom but I think you need to separate your sense of self worth from publishing. Publishing is a fickle industry that is full of factors vastly outside of your control.

But I understand your feelings, truly because to be published is all I've ever wanted too, since I was old enough to want anything.

The issue with the student loans I know well, as I am currently paying them and wondering if the degree was worth it. But you will figure it out. Don't saddle yourself with that burden before you have to.

You aren't even done with school yet! A lot can happen.

If you need a break, take a break. Write for fun. Remember why you love it. If you feel guilty about not finishing your revisions, try baby steps.

One thing that really helped me when I was about to give up was a pitch conference. It really helped put things in perspective for me, learn what I was doing wrong and ultimately, show me that I did have talent and there was still hope.

Don't give up just yet.

As well as the non-fiction, which genres have your written? My understanding of your post is that you've tried more than one - could it be that you've not hit on the one that makes your writing really sing, and might hook in an agent? It's clear from the fact you have got requests that you can write, and you can clearly pitch too, and that's something to take away from this. As you know, it's so rare to hit gold with your first book, and that goes for finding an agent as well as when you are on submission to editors. It's a long, bloody process. There will be people who walk into getting an agent and/or publisher, but for most of us, it's hard.

Chibi is 100% right when she says publishing is a fickle industry that is largely out of your control, and that it is perhaps dangerous territory to link your self-worth into what happens. If I were to give some advice, I would say that putting getting published at the centre of your world is certainly in the short term, possibly in the longer term, going to lead to unhappiness, and that it is better being viewed as a hobby - one that is vitally important and is a big part of who you are, but a hobby nonetheless. Thinking of it that way, and taking some of the mental pressure off yourself, might conversely lead you to write even better than you clearly do at the moment, and might make you enjoy yourself more.

Think about some other writing goals you could have, like entering competitions. Think about maybe joining a writing group, and sharing your work that way. Think of other writing goals that might make you happy as well as getting published.

Also, changing the way you see writing isn't giving up. And taking a break if you need to isn't giving up either. When I felt lowest about my writing, I took a break, a reasonably long one. I found some other things I also cared about and paid more attention to them for a while (one of these was to complete a graphic novel which was in no way intended to be serious or even good, and I enjoyed being creative with the pressure off, so you might like to write for fun, like Chibi suggested). Then when I came back to writing again, the worst of the negative emotions I had were gone. It was the best possible thing I could have done, for clarity as much as sanity.

(Sorry if this is poorly written and rambling - I'm tired but wanted to try to say some constructive).

Hi
Unfortunately, it is hard to have success as an author. There is a large and profitable business feeding off the ambitions of would-be writers.I believe at the heart of every writer is the desire to be independent . But you might need to be independent to be able to write.

Several authors that I like wrote six or more books before getting published, Brandon Sanderson was one. JK Rowling almost gave up with her Harry Potter books, she couldn't find a publisher. Stephen King got rejected for Carrie like 30 times, Dr Seuss struggled to get published too.

And a lot of times once these people get published they go back and mine their unpublished stuff and rewrite it into books that get published.

Hang in there.

rosepetal720 said:

<snip> I'm just at the point where I'm wondering if instead of putting everything I have into this, maybe I need to make it more of a hobby. Maybe I need to start living a life that doesn't necessarily have to include being published. That might sound wise, but how to I step away from the only thing I've ever wanted?

Click to expand...

[Emphasis mine.]

If you're thinking about being published while you're writing, you won't do your best work. No, really, you won't; it's too stressful. Try to unmoor those thoughts from the writing process and see if you can find the pleasure again.

I can't say anything better than what Ari posted above.

I wish I could share my critique group with you. The leader of the group has something that moves everyone forward regardless of where they are in their writing skills. It sounds like you're moving forward even if you don't see it.

I'm on year six and I've finally written the last chapter of my book though about half the book still needs final editing. I'm perfectly fine with my progress because every day I feel I write better than the day before. If for some reason this book doesn't garner any interest, I have 2 more books in me at the moment. I don't expect to get rich or even earn a living writing. I have the luxury of a decent job though I do wish I could retire and write full time.

Alright I'm rambling so I'll stop.

You are not alone, rosepetal. How often I thought the same thing! For years!

Back in about April, in the 7th year or so working on my book (it was the fifth I'd written, but the one that got me an agent), I hit some kind of real psychological low. The endless revisions were never going to end. My agent was never going to be satisfied. I was wasting my time. I'll never be published.

That book sold early this week.

But I think one of the important things I did earlier this year when I felt like giving up is --- I gave myself permission to give up. Just. . .walk away. Accept the concept that my life dream may never happen, or it might not happen like I'd always imagined it would. Life is like that. I wrote it down in a journal, what my life would be like if I didn't write and never published. Would it be so bad? Could I just write for fun? I'm an ambitious person, but I know hard work doesn't always pay off. I had to look that fact in the face.

I did, but I still kept writing. I kept revising, and I was more relaxed about it. The manuscript had a breakthrough, and now I'm where I am now, because of that and a huge dollop of good luck.

So along with the great advice to separate your self worth from publishing -- this is crucially important even when you DO get published, I think! -- it's worth giving yourself permission to walk away. Live your life, yes. It's more than books and publishing. That pressure will sabotage you, so let it go. I hope it works for you.

There's also the psychological phenomenon of "wanting what we don't have." If a guy rejects me, I want him more. If he loves me back, I may discover he's not the man of my dreams after all. I think the more we get rejected by agents or publishers, the more we feel that getting published is the one and only thing that will make us truly happy. The reality may be quite different.

I experienced this years ago when I was shopping my travel memoir around. I thought that getting it published would give me a baseline level of happiness that would last a lifetime. The book was eventually published (admittedly, not by a big-five publisher) and won an award. And it did not make me "happy for life." I simply moved on to the next thing I didn't have and desperately wanted, which was to have a child. And so it goes.

freelancemomma said:

There's also the psychological phenomenon of "wanting what we don't have." If a guy rejects me, I want him more. If he loves me back, I may discover he's not the man of my dreams after all. I think the more we get rejected by agents or publishers, the more we feel that getting published is the one and only thing that will make us truly happy. The reality may be quite different.

I experienced this years ago when I was shopping my travel memoir around. I thought that getting it published would give me a baseline level of happiness that would last a lifetime. The book was eventually published (admittedly, not by a big-five publisher) and won an award. And it did not make me "happy for life." I simply moved on to the next thing I didn't have and desperately wanted, which was to have a child. And so it goes.

Click to expand...

This is so true. Getting published can be addictive. Sometimes getting published brings more heartache, especially if you go with the wrong publisher, or agent. It's taken me a long time to get where I'm at and I'm still getting rejections. It's hard, and it's always going to be hard, but if you love it enough, it will carry you through.

Ari hit the nail on the head. You need to focus on your story, your characters, your story's world & setting and write/focus on that. After you're done with it, then start thinking about publishing it.

Hugs. I know how hard the fight to publication can be. But, be comforted in the fact that 2018 is a lot different than 1997 when I started out! Back then you only had one way to get published if you expected anyone to see your book. If you couldn't get an agent or trade contract then you were done. Sure there was self-publishing back then but too much of a stigma and too expensive for many authors to do. Now, there are many options for getting your work out so take comfort in that. You don't have to give up but maybe just regroup and look at other options that might be better for you. Don't get down even though I know it's hard but there are other options to explore if the road you initially picked isn't working.

One amendment that I would make to the advice that has already been given: Fall in love with multiple stories all at once. Do not offer all of your focus to one manuscript.

I love intricate novels that writers slaved over for years, but until you achieve a couple of solid publishing credits, you are taking an extreme risk. Some writers cannot resist switching between projects. Others are more monogamous with their writerly-love, but that does not mean that they cannot train themselves to work differently. Pick a day of the week in which you will work on a secondary project. You still need to have a primary project to ensure that you aren't starting and stopping manuscript after manuscript. You will devote the majority of your time to the primary project, but you need at least one other project to ensure that the center of your universe is not tied to a project that has a high chance of not taking off.

It violates basic psychology to obsess over one novel for more than a year without obsessing over its publishing future. Spreading your hopes and passions over multiple projects makes your dreams less fragile.

Gen5150 said:

One amendment that I would make to the advice that has already been given: Fall in love with multiple stories all at once. Do not offer all of your focus to one manuscript.

Click to expand...

YMMV, but if I did this, I'd never finish a damn thing.

Source: 41 years of not finishing a damn thing.

lizmonster said:

YMMV, but if I did this, I'd never finish a damn thing.

Source: 41 years of not finishing a damn thing.

Click to expand...

“Got to be something wrong with that guy. He wants to be a writer ”
Hang in there

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/so-god-made-a-writer

freelancemomma said:

There's also the psychological phenomenon of "wanting what we don't have." If a guy rejects me, I want him more. If he loves me back, I may discover he's not the man of my dreams after all. I think the more we get rejected by agents or publishers, the more we feel that getting published is the one and only thing that will make us truly happy. The reality may be quite different.

I experienced this years ago when I was shopping my travel memoir around. I thought that getting it published would give me a baseline level of happiness that would last a lifetime. The book was eventually published (admittedly, not by a big-five publisher) and won an award. And it did not make me "happy for life." I simply moved on to the next thing I didn't have and desperately wanted, which was to have a child. And so it goes.

Click to expand...

I've seen this referred to as the "I'll only be happy if...." I.e. I'll only be happy if this book gets an agent, I'll only be happy if I get published, I'll only be happy if my book sells x amount. Publishing is an industry which lends itself nicely to the "I'll only be happy ifs" because there's always something more you could have. The problem with the "I'll only be happy ifs" is, of course, that you're never happy.

Ditto all the wisdom above. Also, shout-out from mom-dom and writing-dom and trying-to-do-too-much-dom. Definitely be gentle with yourself and don't put yourself on a timeline.

brightspark said:

I've seen this referred to as the "I'll only be happy if...." I.e. I'll only be happy if this book gets an agent, I'll only be happy if I get published, I'll only be happy if my book sells x amount. Publishing is an industry which lends itself nicely to the "I'll only be happy ifs" because there's always something more you could have. The problem with the "I'll only be happy ifs" is, of course, that you're never happy.

Click to expand...

This. So much.

All I wanted was an agent, to have that validation that an industry professional thought I was good enough.

I got an agent.

All I wanted was to get a book deal, to have that validation that someone else thought I was good enough.

I got the book deal.

All I want now is to write a second book that's good enough, and I'm so paralysed with fear of failure that I haven't written a damn thing in almost a year. But one I get that second book done and get a deal for it I'll be happy, right?

Of course I won't. I'll be stressing over sales of book #1 and desperately trying to write a good-enough book #3.

Happiness isn't a destination but a state of mind. I'm being a total hypocrite here because I'm in your position (just in a different circle of hell) but we need to find joy in the writing itself, not in the external things. If we can learn to just love writing the words, no matter what other people think of them, how happy will we be? Let's both try, at least?

Earthling said:

This. So much.

All I wanted was an agent, to have that validation that an industry professional thought I was good enough.

I got an agent.

All I wanted was to get a book deal, to have that validation that someone else thought I was good enough.

I got the book deal.

All I want now is to write a second book that's good enough, and I'm so paralysed with fear of failure that I haven't written a damn thing in almost a year. But one I get that second book done and get a deal for it I'll be happy, right?

Of course I won't. I'll be stressing over sales of book #1 and desperately trying to write a good-enough book #3.

Happiness isn't a destination but a state of mind. I'm being a total hypocrite here because I'm in your position (just in a different circle of hell) but we need to find joy in the writing itself, not in the external things. If we can learn to just love writing the words, no matter what other people think of them, how happy will we be? Let's both try, at least?

Click to expand...

I'm with you, Earthling 100%

I don't have much to say other than you're not alone, OP. I think a lot of us feel like this and experience this very often (sadly).

I know it's difficult but try not to give up. So many of the top agents I've followed online have repeatedly said that it's very common for it to take multiple books (sometimes handfuls) before you create 'the one' and connect with an agent.

If you keep working at it, you'll get there eventually!

If you're still at university/college, you must be pretty young.
Maybe you need to grow up with your stories.
I have been writing since I was a child, but my first "adult" novel, the first one I ever contemplated sending off to agents, took me over 15 years to write and it literally did grow up with me. I changed and it changed. I think the final result barely resembles the first draft if not for the general idea.
I agree with what others have said. Don't write to be published. If you think that way, your writing won't be natural, it won't flow, it won't be you. You have to write without thinking of an audience.
I will add this: I gave up. I couldn't be bothered, but at that point I wasn't even thinking about getting published, I was just sick of not being satisfied with my novel (after editing and re-editing over and over again). It is only recently that I have gone back to it and turned it around... So, yes, breaks can happen and they are sometimes beneficial.

I have a feeling that with the young folks in their MFA degrees, there's a huge push for them to be published at that stage. Back in MY day publication was one of those things one expected after you were all grown up and done the hard work of living. (shrug)

rosepetal -- what kind of feedback have you been receiving from your instructors? Have they been encouraging about eventual publication? The other students on the MFA program must be in the same boat. No one has it easy these days.