Hi everyone. Last month one of my short stories was accepted by a small literary magazine for (my first!) publication; tonight, I've received their editing requests (nothing structural, just a couple of questions of clarity) and a 'slightly revised' version of my piece to track changes on.
Put simply - I'm reeling. My story has been butchered, which sounds dramatic but isn't, I'm almost sure. (Help?) From the first line - where 'stripes' has been inexplicably (and incorrectly) changed to 'strips' - it's been reshaped and rewritten, to the point where I barely recognise my work anymore. I certainly have no intention of putting my name to it.
To give you an idea, here are some 'original vs revised' lines:
1.
ORIGINAL:
Her grey skirt rustles again as she stands up. ‘She’s fine.’ There’s definitely a thunderstorm, I wasn’t imagining it – the boom of her boot heels on the hardwood floor – because I’m not fine, my knee’s not a mountain and it’s not spring yet, it’s too cold.
REVISED:
When she stands her grey skirt rustles. 'She's fine.'
The thunderstorm is the boom of her boot heels on the hardwood floor.
2.
ORIGINAL:
I have only my skin these days – my soft, useless skin, the wrapper around everything that’s useless about me – and I cherish my scars.
REVISED:
I have only my skin these days. Soft and useless. I cherish my scars.
3.
ORIGINAL:
I’d forgotten it still looked raw, the bloodied cut marks black in the failing sunlight, like initials carved in a tree.
REVISED:
I'd forgotten how it looked, the cut marks black like initials carved into a tree.
4.
ORIGINAL:
The hinges gave a friendly creak as he flipped the lid open.
REVISED:
He pulled out the First Aid kit and unclipped it.
5.
ORIGINAL:
Whenever it rains around sunrise I can almost believe he’s out there still, I can sometimes see his face in that pearly new horizon.
REVISED:
Whenever it rains I can almost believe he's out there still. I can sometimes see his face on the pearly horizon.
6.
ORIGINAL:
Its old-time romance makes my whole body open towards it, even on the inside, where I’m squeezed down into the tiniest, most hideable version of myself.
REVISED:
Its old-time romance makes my body open towards it, even on the inside where I hide.
***
There are a number of more substantial changes too, but I didn't want to post too-big chunks.
I write for a living, I don't have golden word syndrome. But bottom line, for me: all the flow, the lyricism and the voice has been stripped out of this story. I honestly don't understand what they 'loved' about it when they've barely kept any of what made it 'evocative and impressionistic' and 'wonderfully unique in style' (their words)?
Is this a normal line-editing treatment?
Please note: I'm prepared to accept that it is. (As an as-yet unpublished writer I'm fully aware there's a tough, ego-bruising learning curve ahead.) But I'm pretty sure I've read here on AW that editors suggest changes, rather than jump in and make them without consultation...?
And what are my options here? Although I've accepted their offer of publication, am I entitled to withdraw the story now that I've seen what they want to do to it?
Put simply - I'm reeling. My story has been butchered, which sounds dramatic but isn't, I'm almost sure. (Help?) From the first line - where 'stripes' has been inexplicably (and incorrectly) changed to 'strips' - it's been reshaped and rewritten, to the point where I barely recognise my work anymore. I certainly have no intention of putting my name to it.
To give you an idea, here are some 'original vs revised' lines:
1.
ORIGINAL:
Her grey skirt rustles again as she stands up. ‘She’s fine.’ There’s definitely a thunderstorm, I wasn’t imagining it – the boom of her boot heels on the hardwood floor – because I’m not fine, my knee’s not a mountain and it’s not spring yet, it’s too cold.
REVISED:
When she stands her grey skirt rustles. 'She's fine.'
The thunderstorm is the boom of her boot heels on the hardwood floor.
2.
ORIGINAL:
I have only my skin these days – my soft, useless skin, the wrapper around everything that’s useless about me – and I cherish my scars.
REVISED:
I have only my skin these days. Soft and useless. I cherish my scars.
3.
ORIGINAL:
I’d forgotten it still looked raw, the bloodied cut marks black in the failing sunlight, like initials carved in a tree.
REVISED:
I'd forgotten how it looked, the cut marks black like initials carved into a tree.
4.
ORIGINAL:
The hinges gave a friendly creak as he flipped the lid open.
REVISED:
He pulled out the First Aid kit and unclipped it.
5.
ORIGINAL:
Whenever it rains around sunrise I can almost believe he’s out there still, I can sometimes see his face in that pearly new horizon.
REVISED:
Whenever it rains I can almost believe he's out there still. I can sometimes see his face on the pearly horizon.
6.
ORIGINAL:
Its old-time romance makes my whole body open towards it, even on the inside, where I’m squeezed down into the tiniest, most hideable version of myself.
REVISED:
Its old-time romance makes my body open towards it, even on the inside where I hide.
***
There are a number of more substantial changes too, but I didn't want to post too-big chunks.
I write for a living, I don't have golden word syndrome. But bottom line, for me: all the flow, the lyricism and the voice has been stripped out of this story. I honestly don't understand what they 'loved' about it when they've barely kept any of what made it 'evocative and impressionistic' and 'wonderfully unique in style' (their words)?
Is this a normal line-editing treatment?
Please note: I'm prepared to accept that it is. (As an as-yet unpublished writer I'm fully aware there's a tough, ego-bruising learning curve ahead.) But I'm pretty sure I've read here on AW that editors suggest changes, rather than jump in and make them without consultation...?
And what are my options here? Although I've accepted their offer of publication, am I entitled to withdraw the story now that I've seen what they want to do to it?
Tbf I don't know that it'd be any more impertinent than what they did to you.
