I was a secretary for an Assistant City Manager in a city of about 500,000 people. Although the top-level people in the City Manager's Office were maybe 2/3rds-3/4ths male to female, the support staff-- the secretaries-- were 100% female. I had gone in as a temp to replace my ACM's secretary, who had made a lateral transfer over into Grantwriting. The City Manager's secretary, who was "over" the rest of the secretaries, was pretty much not happy with me and didn't want me to be permanently taken on. I had the technical skills for the position, but I wasn't a "real" secretary, and had other ambitions in life (I was formerly a museum curator, and wanted to go back someday into the profession). She, on the other hand, had served in the Nixon White House, and was very proud of it... even though Nixon had been president before I was born. (DH was of the opinion it was a matter of me being a Cute Young Thang fresh from undergrad, and she was... someone who had served in the Nixon White House before I was born.)
My (male) ACM liked me just fine. We got along great. I knew his preferences, and was able to do things the way he liked-- and so he didn't care that I was just being a secretary to pay the bills, and that it wasn't my lifelong dream. Eventually, he retired for the public sector, and at the same time, my duties were split between him and his replacement ACM during the transition. And then I realized the very honest truth of "no man can serve two masters-- he'll love one and hate the other". I'm a pretty easy person to get along with, but my new ACM just rubbed me wrong in a hundred different ways. (Example: "Hey. I need you to go through these 15 years' worth of papers in this office I'm moving into. Make a stack of whatever's important that I need to look at. Throw away whatever's not important. I'll be back in a week." And I'm thinking, "How am I supposed to have the background to make that kind of a judgment call? This is Engineering, Public Works, Aviation, Water, Housing... that's way over my head!") We were a rotten match for each other, and I ended up transferring down to be secretary for the Engineering Director, which was another male-dominated department.
One example of how the ladies were in the CMO/Mayor & Council office--
I'm covering the front desk over lunch. Someone drops off a file. This is for Councilmember So-and-So. Would you please put it on his desk? Sure, no problem. I take the file over to the Mayor & Council office, where three or four of the secretaries are grouped around the first cubicle having a good chat. "This is for Councilmember So-and-So," I said. "Shall I take this to his office, or did you want to give it to him?" "Oh, no problem, just leave it on this desk and I'll take care of it when I go back that way," said one of the secretaries. I hand it over, and get back to my post. A week or two later, when the City Manager's secretary is telling me about my shortcomings, she mentions, "You're too quiet and withdrawn and keep to yourself too much" and in the same breath, she says, "And you have the gall to just drop stuff anywhere and expect the Councilmembers' secretaries to finish your job for you."
It took me a while, and the experience of a few other jobs--- but I realized that it was less of a gender thing, sometimes, and more of a confidence issue, perhaps? For example, I had a male boss in the female-dominated library field. And he was such a beta male. He was so weak. When he wanted to criticize me for something, he couldn't do it to my face, even though our desks were only ten feet apart. He had to email me instead of sticking his head through the door and saying, "Hey, when I gave you that task 15 minutes ago, I actually wanted it done right now, not at your own leisure. If you're not going to drop everything and do it immediately, I'll just do it myself."
Later on, when I had his job, one of my library assistants was being verbally abused by some of the other ladies on staff. (Like, racial stuff.) And I had to protect her, step in, say, "This isn't acceptable" and "Do we need to go to HR about this?" Whereas Mr. Beta hadn't ever gotten involved. The people under me were thrilled-- because I let them do their job. I'm like, "Of course. That's what you're there for. If you need anything from me, let me know, and I'd be happy to help. But y'all are competent adults who have tons of experience. You don't need me micromanaging over your shoulder." And we were awesome, and got our work done, and my department--100% female-- was a nice little drama-free island in the middle of the 80% female high school cliques that raged around us.
A lot of my friends are really alpha personalities. They have leadership qualities through and through. They don't have anything to prove--- they know they're awesome. They don't have turf to defend--- they have confidence in their excellence, and they recognize it in others, and they expect to manage adults, not micromanage children. They're cool with delegating, and they recognize people and distribute credit, because crediting others doesn't take away from their own value-- it's an acknowledgement of the fact they have an awesomesauce team, and they want their team to know that they're valued.
When you give power to someone who lacks confidence, they put their self-worth in that position... and they defend it vigorously. If you don't respond to their power-- like by dropping everything for a priority that hasn't been defined as a priority-- they'll take that personally, as not taking their authority seriously. Or they'll defend their perceived territory vigorously, and rather than seeing their job as "making sure the person I support looks good" or "making sure the job gets done" or "making sure my part of the big picture is successful", it turns into being all about
them personally.