Comma usage for list of continuous actions.

Benedetto Youssef · Sep 4, 2018

Sentence A: The door to his room was ajar, the sound of rummaging, accompanied by the occasional shuffling of furniture coming from within.

Sentence B: The door to his room was ajar, the sound of rummaging, accompanied by the occasional shuffling of furniture, coming from within.

Are both of these sentences grammatically correct, and is it only stylistic as to the omission of the third comma in sentence B?

Thank you!

blacbird · Sep 4, 2018

The first sentence has a major flaw. Leaving out the last comma makes it read like the furniture was coming from within.

But beyond that, neither example is particularly good from a style standpoint, IMO. As a reader, I'd prefer two separate sentences and elimination of superfluous words:

The door to his room was ajar. The sound of rummaging and shuffling of furniture came from within.

Tagging on participial clauses often leads to flabby, drifty prose.

caw

Chase · Sep 4, 2018

blacbird said:
As a reader, I'd prefer two separate sentences and elimination of superfluous words:

The door to his room was ajar. The sound of rummaging and shuffling of furniture came from within.

I agree with the dark bird.

BethS · Sep 11, 2018

Benedetto Youssef said:
Sentence A: The door to his room was ajar, the sound of rummaging, accompanied by the occasional shuffling of furniture coming from within.

Sentence B: The door to his room was ajar, the sound of rummaging, accompanied by the occasional shuffling of furniture, coming from within.

Are both of these sentences grammatically correct, and is it only stylistic as to the omission of the third comma in sentence B?

Thank you!

You need that third comma to make it technically correct. The phrase "accompanied by the occasional shuffling of furniture" needs to be set off by commas.

But at the same time, it's a bit clunky and wordy. You can rewrite to smooth it out, I'm sure.

BurntPieCrust · Oct 1, 2018

To answer the question: if a separate idea is being outlined with commas like above, it should have commas on both sides.

To be more specific: I generally rewrite my sentences if I'm having to challenge myself in the grammar. If I'm having a hard time figuring out if something is grammatically correct, I assume my reader will have the same problem.

DanielSTJ · Oct 6, 2018

I like blackbird's idea of separating it into separate sentences.

Comma usage for list of continuous actions.

Benedetto Youssef

blacbird

Chase

It Takes All of Us to End Racism

BethS

BurntPieCrust

DanielSTJ

The Wandering Bard