Blind sight *slight content warning* 2 swears

Destinyslaughter

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AGAIN slight content warning for 2 swear words.

Blind sight

Bite on a block to help with the shock,
Right before I pull back the skin.
The sickness inside is tanning my hide,
But the pleasure's rooted deep within.

I'm sick of this race, what a fuck'n discrase,
The religious freaks who peddle the fear.
There's evil in me, it scares me to see,
If the devil exists, he's already here.

With societal gaze and expectant haze,
You're only as good as what you've got.
Be all you can be, but only for me,
Your memory will soon be forgot.

Believe what your told, you'll be bought and sold,
Like the cheap piece of shit that you are.
Freedom's a trap to narrow the gap
'Tween you and the corp'rit prison bar.

When the many say the little have sway,
We see what contemptuous fear it brings.
And now there's a hole where once was a soul,
That I'll fill with sex and shiny things.

Revolutions are squashed, hands are washed
Why does no one want to take a stand?
We all see the pain, again and again.
But hail to the system that's dealt underhand.

I'll sit and cry, just pass me by,
And assume it's a ploy to get money.
When degradation, hate, and thalidomide fate
Are all things that seem to be funny.

We'll all save face, don't loose your place.
And pray you don't fall out of line.
It's not yet done, we haven't had enough fun
But don't worry, things will be fine.


That's it. One of my better ones. Don't hold back people. I'm thick skinned and I love to learn. Thanx a bunch.
 
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TexasPoet

When Is It Dark Enough?
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There's a lot in this poem...most of it good.

Most of the rhyme is quite good, but one or two spots seems like the rhyme is there and serves its own purpose.

The last line should be a "boom" or drop-the-mike line, right? I don't get that with this one. I struggle with that in my poetry all the time.

tp
 

Destinyslaughter

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Thank you Texas poet.
I'm a little confused when you say "the rhyme is there and serves its own purpose."
I'm very pleased to hear that the last line didn't punch you in the face like it should have. I'll work on that. Thanx a bunch!!!
 

TexasPoet

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Hi Destiny,

In your first stanza seems like you chose "within" to rhyme...when there was other good 'in' words you could use "thin, grin, spin, etc".

tp ;)