how can i convince my customers to worship an eldritch abomination that they don't believe in?

nyalathotep · Aug 26, 2018

The world is going to hell. Global warming, overpopulation, economic crises and other such issues plague humanity. The only logical solution is to summon Hastur, The King in Yellow, an elder god from beyond the void. He will Institute a random genocide across the earth, irrespective of race or creed, killing billions and restoring balance to the planet and making me the savior of the human race.

World leaders are more concerned with playing politics than finding real solutions to real world problems, and the liberal lame-stream media has ludicrously decried me as " a lunatic with delusions of grandeur", so I have taken the initiative on my own. I have founded a company called C.A.R.C.O.S.S.A which has cornered the market in electronics and computer related equipment. Through nefarious practices, the company has bought out Apple and Microsoft, bringing them under my umbrella corporation. We now have access to billions of loyal customers around the world.

The Elder god requires worship of its followers in order to weaken the barrier between our realms. I obviously can't tell these people that the purpose of this company was to summon this being, and revealing myself as a cult leader will make people wrongly conclude that I am crazy. What is the best way to get my employees and customers to unknowingly worship a god?

Alessandra Kelley · Aug 26, 2018

Start a YouTube channel reviewing toys with catchy little nonsense songs that are really incantations amd prayers in ancient eldritch tongues.

frimble3 · Aug 26, 2018

Does it require actual worship, or just a nod in it's direction?
Make it easy and mechanical. Spin a prayer wheel, toss a small coin into a bucket. Ritualize it, make worship as unthinking as possible. Make 'by the Yellow King' and exclamation for luck. Make yellow a fashionable colour.
Little things add up.

Dennis E. Taylor · Aug 26, 2018

Start a new form of yoga/aerobics where the moves are actually a dance ritual to summon the gods. Maybe backwards, that way you can also play the relevant music and incantations backwards. Make it mandatory for all staff.

dpaterso · Aug 27, 2018

This is exactly the kind of question I'd expect an eldritch abomination to ask!

-Derek

JohnLine · Aug 27, 2018

Make the new iphone available to cult members one hour early.

or add a clause to the EULA.

Marissa D · Aug 27, 2018

Every time someone hits the letter E on the keyboard/keypad of one of their C.A.R.C.O.S.S.A. devices, a small magical charge is generated--enough of that, and the borders between the worlds will begin to dissolve (kinda like chlorofluorocarbons and the eroding of the ozone layer.)

Albedo · Aug 27, 2018

❤ The King in Yellow. I named a cute kid character Cassilda.

Extending from above, have you seen those smartphone unlock screens that require you to move your finger in a secret pattern? Those are actually demonic runes.

Myrealana · Aug 27, 2018

Alessandra Kelley said:
Start a YouTube channel reviewing toys with catchy little nonsense songs that are really incantations amd prayers in ancient eldritch tongues.

frimble3 said:
Does it require actual worship, or just a nod in it's direction?
Make it easy and mechanical. Spin a prayer wheel, toss a small coin into a bucket. Ritualize it, make worship as unthinking as possible. Make 'by the Yellow King' and exclamation for luck. Make yellow a fashionable colour.
Little things add up.

By the Yellow King, these are both brilliant.

I need to found a religion.

OldHat63 · Aug 27, 2018

nyalathotep said:
The world is going to hell. Global warming, overpopulation, economic crises and other such issues plague humanity. The only logical solution is to summon Hastur, The King in Yellow, an elder god from beyond the void. He will Institute a random genocide across the earth, irrespective of race or creed, killing billions and restoring balance to the planet and making me the savior of the human race.

World leaders are more concerned with playing politics than finding real solutions to real world problems, and the liberal lame-stream media has ludicrously decried me as " a lunatic with delusions of grandeur", so I have taken the initiative on my own. I have founded a company called C.A.R.C.O.S.S.A which has cornered the market in electronics and computer related equipment. Through nefarious practices, the company has bought out Apple and Microsoft, bringing them under my umbrella corporation. We now have access to billions of loyal customers around the world.

The Elder god requires worship of its followers in order to weaken the barrier between our realms. I obviously can't tell these people that the purpose of this company was to summon this being, and revealing myself as a cult leader will make people wrongly conclude that I am crazy. What is the best way to get my employees and customers to unknowingly worship a god?

So... You're writing a documentary? You know we do fiction here, right?

O.H.

Shoeless · Sep 2, 2018

Involve cats and turn it into some kind of funny Internet meme. Billions converted, self-perpetuating conversion achieved.

blacbird · Sep 2, 2018

Having read virtually everything fictional by Lovecraft, some things more than once, I have arrived at the point where any other writer who uses the word "eldritch" gets the book thrown across the room. Now, I have enjoyed Lovecraft's stories, which succeed on the basis of their ideas, mainly. But I'm a big fan of Hodgson, and I don't think he ever used that word (could be wrong here, I'll admit). Hodgson preceded Lovecraft, was by Lovecraft's own admission a big influence on his work, and, IMO, a far better writer. A great tragedy of WWI that Hodgson died so young.

caw

AwP_writer · Sep 2, 2018

You know how there are crowd sourced computing projects like, if I remember right, SETI. Well with your tech monopoly you offer discounts to people willing to run a crowd source computing project. They would need to formally agree, and activate the program manually. The program, it turns out, is just repeating prayers to Hastur over and over again in binary.

OldHat63 · Sep 2, 2018

y'all know what the answer is, don't ya? Give Mr. Elder god a facebook page, let him comment on politics and Social Justice, and have both likes and dislikes count as prayers to said elder god.

Simple.

O.H.

ironmikezero · Sep 3, 2018

Need to data-mine worship?
Craft an app that undetectably drains the spiritual power of those in its vicinity, but provides a trace--converted to popularity--to its user.
Now, tell teenagers they are forbidden to use it.

Kjbartolotta · Sep 3, 2018

Chiming in, partially because I realize there are a lot of animal avatars on this thread, and don't want to be left out of the party.

My GF is waaaay deep into reading about MLMs, which seem to make up a non-trivial portion of the whole damn economy, AFAICT. Seems easy, you set up a phony empowerment/wealth/other nonsense program promoted by the company, with weird products and seminars that are actually just prayers to the Elder God in question. If you control publishing and online media, seems easy to put it on blast, and at some point people become willing vectors without quite realizing they're in an evil cult, all for that precious, precious downline. It's a tried and tested practice for both getting people's money and getting them to believe crazy things.

Or you could do something with a blockchain. Don't ask me what a blockchain is.

how can i convince my customers to worship an eldritch abomination that they don't believe in?

nyalathotep

Alessandra Kelley

Sophipygian

frimble3

Heckuva good sport

Dennis E. Taylor

Get it off! It burns!

dpaterso

Also in our Discord and IRC chat channels

JohnLine

Owns a pen.

Marissa D

Scribe of the girls in the basement

Albedo

Alex

Myrealana

I aim to misbehave

OldHat63

Shoeless

blacbird

AwP_writer

OldHat63

ironmikezero

practical experience, FTW

Kjbartolotta

Potentially has/is dog