Questions about these sentences?

kid009 · Aug 4, 2018

"When they reached home he clung to her as Saiqa was holding a hanger in her hand. She dragged him towards her and struck him which Aabroo took on her wrist. She pushed her away and took him in her room and locked it from the inside."

Is it grammatically correct?

In the last line I want to say it's Saiqa who pushed Abroo away but I am confused as it may sound the other way around too?

The room is used by both mom and son. Should I use 'the' room instead of 'her' room in the last line?

Thanks

cornflake · Aug 4, 2018

kid009 said:
"When they reached home he clung to her as Saiqa was holding a hanger in her hand. She dragged him towards her and struck him which Aabroo took on her wrist. She pushed her away and took him in her room and locked it from the inside."

Is it grammatically correct?

In the last line I want to say it's Saiqa who pushed Abroo away but I am confused as it may sound the other way around too?

The room is used by both mom and son. Should I use 'the' room instead of 'her' room in the last line?

Thanks

I can't make heads or tails of that. Are there... five people in there? There's he and her, then Saiqa, then She, her, him, Aabroo, who is a her, then she, her, him, her. The he is never named, near as I can figure but as to the entire thing, I got nothing.

Maryn · Aug 4, 2018

I'm in the same situation as Cornflake. I can't tell who the pronouns refer to, much less the physical actions of the characters.

When a sentence is that far from working, I'd recommend scrapping it and starting over. Try short sentences without pronouns, subject-verb-object [if any] to write each thing that happens. When that's done, consider joining some of the sentences. Only after they are joined should you replace any names with pronouns, being careful that each refers to the last person named.

blacbird · Aug 4, 2018

kid009 said:
"When they reached home he clung to her as Saiqa was holding a hanger in her hand. She dragged him towards her and struck him which Aabroo took on her wrist. She pushed her away and took him in her room and locked it from the inside."

Is it grammatically correct?

It is grammatically correct, but that's not the problem. The pronoun references are incomprehensible, which can often be a problem when there are too many of them jammed into a short space of prose.

"Grammatically correct" is not synonymous with "good writing". Above all, strive for clarity.

caw

Questions about these sentences?

kid009

cornflake

practical experience, FTW

Maryn

Baaa!

blacbird