Should I open with an introduction?

efreysson said:

I'm turning to traditional publishing after a while of trying to make self-publishing work. I've send several queries over the past month, and have yet to receive a reply.

The way I've structured my emails so far is to start with a short introduction along the lines of:



I then follow with the blurb text, and then an excerpt or synopsis if requested in the agent's guidelines.

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Are you querying in the US/UK? AFAIK this format isn't standard for either market.

efreysson said:

Does a typical agent blow through query emails fast enough that I need to shave these kinds of pleasantries away?

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You bet they do.

Query Letter Hell is the forum you want. They'll get you into shape.

efreysson said:

I'm turning to traditional publishing after a while of trying to make self-publishing work. I've send several queries over the past month, and have yet to receive a reply.

The way I've structured my emails so far is to start with a short introduction along the lines of:



I then follow with the blurb text, and then an excerpt or synopsis if requested in the agent's guidelines.

Should I just open with "Dear Mr/Ms X" and then jump straight to the blurb? Does a typical agent blow through query emails fast enough that I need to shave these kinds of pleasantries away?

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I queried with just "Dear Mr/Ms X" and the blurb/summary, followed by a tight housekeeping paragraph ("I'm seeking representation for "The Wonders of Cheese" a Magical Realism novel complete at 90k words." + Publishing credits + Thank you for your time and consideration I look forward to hearing from you.)

Some folks do put the housekeeping paragraph at the top, but that's up to you. I would, whatever you decide to do, cut out the self-deprecation of your current opening paragraph. It's a fine like between being over-confident and pitching your work well, but you do not want to suggest that you are unsuccessful and that "I've tried X but that didn't work out so now I'm trying Y" is problematic. (And yes you want to be honest about past history, but there's no reason to downplay your effort or make it seem like seeking an agent and a trade publisher is your second choice.)

Best of luck.

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

Never ever tell an agent you're no good at marketing.

You can start by saying why you've picked that agent to query. Some prefer that, although some don't like it. You can start by saying you've got a completed x words book with series potential. Or you can start with the blurb. Many prefer the blurb. A few prefer the "housekeeping" paragraph to start.

Put the bit that you're Icelandic in the paragraph about you.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

efreysson said:

I do feel it's worth mentioning that I'm demonstrably capable of turning out books at a good pace, but obviously if I were a solo success I would still be doing that.

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Actually, I wouldn't bother with this. The agent is either going to fall for the pitch, or not. How fast you can produce isn't of interest to them at this stage - and what you consider "finished" may not be what they consider "finished."

Pitch the book.

Word of advice - this

"I've self-published two series on Amazon, but have come to accept that I have no talent for marketing. So I'm turning to traditional publishing. I'm hoping to interest you in the latest in my new trilogy."

says three things to an agent:

1) You don't know that the correct term is "trade publishing" not "traditional publishing". That's not a good start.
2) You see trade publishing, i.e. the agent's business, as your second-best option.
3) Your previous series didn't sell.

They're just going to bin it at this point, to be perfectly honest with you. I would suggest a serious re-think.

Everything Pete said. +1

Harlequin said:

Everything Pete said. +1

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+2

And also this:

You still have to market your work even if you're traditionally published. Telling an agent up front that you are unable or unwilling to do marketing is a straight line to the trash for your query.

It'd be in the bottom, with your bio x

efreysson said:

It's very disheartening that I often feel like the Sideshow Bob of struggling authors: I can't seem to move in any direction without stepping on a rake.

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And then one day, something clicks and you're like the Kool-Aid man breaking through the wall and letting out a triumphant 'OH YEAH!' I would say you've already broken through many of the barriers that most of us are still struggling with, so crazier things have happened.

Efreysson, if you go to SYW and the Query Letter Hell forum there are tons of stickies that detail exactly how to format a query much better than I could ever explain.

Once you've got a draft going, including the short bio at the bottom, which can be something like: "I have a degree from XX in XX. NIGHT OF THE ATTACK-KITTENS is complete at 90,000 words." or whatever, the QLH people will help youmake it even better than that.

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

Now that you know the rakes are there, you'll be better able to sidestep them.

And yes, take a look at the stickies in Query Letter Hell. Password is vista.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

The first line of a query should always be positive, succinct and attention grabbing.

The point of a query is to keep an agent reading, wanting more, and thinking that just maybe your writing is marketable and they they can make money if they partner up with you. So brutal honesty, like what your failures are or that getting an agent at all is your second choice to publishing, should never be in any part of a query.

First line, after a proper salutation, should be the reason you picked this agent and a way to connect (only if you have an honest and believable connection to highlight, like they represented an author with a very similar style to yours). Then you need a hook, a one liner that sums up and sells your book to them. The query should focus solely on your writing, not you - until you get to the bio at the end.

Rain777 said:

The first line of a query should always be positive, succinct and attention grabbing.
...
First line, after a proper salutation, should be the reason you picked this agent and a way to connect (only if you have an honest and believable connection to highlight, like they represented an author with a very similar style to yours). Then you need a hook, a one liner that sums up and sells your book to them. The query should focus solely on your writing, not you - until you get to the bio at the end.

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This is one way to format a query, but not the only way. (And some agents specifically ask for no "hook" or "log line", they want the 2-3 paragraph summary of the book.)

Mileage varies greatly in trying to "connect" with the agent by expressing why you picked them. (Unless you are querying with a referral this is usually useless info, quite frankly.) With certain MSs it makes more sense to put the housekeeping paragraph first. (For instance a book in which the speculative element is more subtle, or a romance that bends tropes in usual ways.) For others, the summary/pitch should go immediately after the "Dear <Insert Fabulous Agent Name Here>".

Be careful about offering advice as an absolute. (I have a preferred way to write a pitch/cover/query letter when necessary, but I also make sure when I talk to folks about it that it's a way that works for me, but may not work for them and they should try out different styles to see what works best.)

Aggy B. said:

This is one way to format a query, but not the only way. (And some agents specifically ask for no "hook" or "log line", they want the 2-3 paragraph summary of the book.)

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I've actually only seen one agent explicitly ask for the query NOT to start with the pitch, although I haven't done extensive research in a while.

efreysson said:

Should I just open with "Dear Mr/Ms X" and then jump straight to the blurb? Does a typical agent blow through query emails fast enough that I need to shave these kinds of pleasantries away?

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1. I've uniformly heard that bio goes at the end.

2. I've heard to jump into the pitch BUT ALSO HEARD the opposite, to NOT jump straight into the pitch.

3. I've heard to start with why you think the agent might be interested in the book you wrote, and book stats:

Dear Agent (first name only, I believe)

At 97,000 words, my (age/genre book TITLE) may appeal to you because you have an interest in (researched item, MSWL,other.) It is similar to (comps).

Pitch

Bio (incl websites, pubs, etc)

Thank you,
Me (First name only, I believe)
Contact info (email, phone, etc)

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--> For this third option, I've not seen anyone except Query Shark (and I'm not sure about that) advise 100% against it. Here, we've created this sort-of meme that the pitch goes first, but on Twitter, I've seen a couple agents annoyed if there's no introductory 'book metrics + why the agent is right' up front.

No one wants what you did, which is starting with Bio, as far as I can tell. They want to know metrics of the book you wrote so they have framing for the pitch, and why they are right for it. If they agree, they read the pitch. Then the bio can help.

-my current understanding.

Aggy B. said:

I queried with just "Dear Mr/Ms X" and the blurb/summary, followed by a tight housekeeping paragraph ("I'm seeking representation for "The Wonders of Cheese" a Magical Realism novel complete at 90k words." + Publishing credits + Thank you for your time and consideration I look forward to hearing from you.) .

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And, I was shocked on Twitter to see an agent incensed that the wrong form of address was used. The gender identification of the agent did not match what the writer assumed.

Because there aren't enough things for us to fret over.

I feel like using 'Dear first name' is rude. How I was raised. Evidently some feel that formal address is offensive.

It's a maze.

lizmonster said:

I've actually only seen one agent explicitly ask for the query NOT to start with the pitch, although I haven't done extensive research in a while.

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I've seen two so far, at least, in the last few months and none that say they don't want it. Small sample size, but when they say they want the nice thing first, they say it in a way that makes me wonder how there can be so many disconnects in this business. Like, "It's called a letter for a reason. Do these writers not know how to write a decent letter?"

Which tells me some agents are not aware that there is a thwack of advice online to jump straight into the pitch.

Rakes indeed. OP, you are not alone.

Agents who already have a full client list *may* ask for something specific to help them discern who is actually researching them and who is just sending out a bunch of queries. (Querying a bunch of folks is not an issue, but if you are sending out stuff more or less blindly you run the risk of querying an agent who has absolutely no interest in your project no matter how well written.) It's similar to magazines that ask for an email header with a specific format.

And, if an agent reps a fairly small genre-set they may want to know what genre before they read the pitch. (Again, because some folks don't research well or thoroughly.) That said, these preferences are usually not hidden so even though it feels like some sort of secret game, it's not.

Just... do your research. (Read the agency website, the agent bio. Check their blog if they have one. Google "<agent name> interview" to see if they mention preferences for querying, etc.)

Rain777 said:

Then you need a hook, a one liner that sums up and sells your book to them.

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Current advice weighs against this sort of logline. I've seen only one or two agents request them, in which case include it. Otherwise, I would omit.

Patty, I use Dear Full Name to get around the title offense thing.

For the rest, I follow Jessica Faust's advice and don't stress over it. Someone who rejects because of finicky nitpicks is probably a petty minded grump anyway, and not someone you'd necessarily want to work with.