Starting the book a chapter earlier..

pingle · Jul 8, 2018

Thank you for all the great advice, I'm keen to avoid overtelling and undertelling and cliches and info dumps and all of the other pitfalls that the beginning of a book can be prone to, so it's suer helpful to read a range of opinions and replies.

neandermagnon, what you say about knowing nothing about the character or her mother prior to the waking was something that had been bothering me, the lack of connection, the why should I care? response that the reader might have.

I also agree with those that warn about too much info before the story gets going, and leaving some mystery to be a reveal at a later point. It's all about balance I guess

I wrote a quick prologue yesterday, the link should be in my signature if anyone fancies letting me know if I'm stumbling in the right direction? I called it BEFORE and was going to then name the start of the book AFTER, with the actual incident that changed everything not being fully revealed until a good few chapters in.

BethS · Jul 8, 2018

pingle said:
I might put it in SYW as it's my first prologue and I'm a bit about whether it does what they are supposed to do.

Just be aware that whether or not the prologue works as a tool for telling the story can't always be properly judged until the end of the novel. But in SYW you can certainly get an idea of whether it's interesting and well written on its own.

BethS · Jul 8, 2018

neandermagnon said:
So I don't know whether to be terrified for her being abducted by crazy parents or to hope that her lovely parents get her to A&E quickly. I don't know who to root for, so I can't get into the story. Starting with the events that made her lose consciousness would resolve all these issues.

It's not always necessary to go much further back - an entire new first chapter or prologue stuck on the beginning may be overkill. You only need to go back far enough to give your opening enough clarity for the reader to have enough of an idea what's going on - like whether the antagonist is crazy parents or bacterial meningitis - and for what's happening to make sense, which may just mean starting a little earlier in the scene, or just one additional scene before it.

This.^^^ It's good advice.

EmmaSkysong · Jul 8, 2018

Lackey right, it's important when adding content to the front of the story that you aren't dropping unnecessary information on the reader. The opening must still be engaging and keep the forward momentum going. (Sometimes it helps to ask: will the next scene make sense without knowing this tidbit? Yes? Cut it. No? Ok, how can I gracefully insert this detail?)

Pingle, your situation sounds quite similar to what I faced, so maybe describing how I managed to fix my opening might give you some inspiration. In the case of my story, I was starting too close to the action -- so close I didn't have enough context for the reader to know the characters, care about who was in danger, who to cheer for, or why anything was happening. Basically the exact situation neandermagnon was describing.

When I went back and re-wrote my first chapter, I made sure I still had an interesting hook related to the overall plot, a problem for my protagonist to actively pursue. As my protagonist deals with this problem in her "normal world," she crosses paths with some secondary characters, establishing their relationships with "present-day" conflict. The reader just sees how their relationships are NOW, not what made them that way (so no info-dumping is happening, that's all weaved in later in the story). Similarly, the reader learns what kind of person my protagonist is, but I don't go into any backstory of what made her who she is. As a reader, these sorts of mysteries keep me reading, so if I read the answer right away (thanks to an info-dump), the intrigue is lost.

I think the key to making this new opening work for me was coming up with the idea of a story-relevant conflict for the protagonist to resolve and lots of hurdles to overcome. There's no meandering and exploring the world or characters -- she's actively working hard to solve an important problem, and this problem is one that's universal enough the reader can understand without needing any backstory about my imaginary world (I write fantasy).

Once I'd established my main character was a good person, proactive, and competent, suddenly the events I originally opened chapter one with made so much more sense to the reader. Now that there were actual stakes, I could thrust someone the reader hopefully cares about into mortal danger, and the reader might be able to feel my character's sadness at being separated from the other characters I’ve introduced.

I strongly recommend checking out Weiland's "Your Ultimate First Chapter Checklist" three-part series on her blog. This helped me immensely in identifying where my first chapter was failing and brainstorming ideas to fix it. Good luck!! The first chapter has certainly been my biggest battle.

pingle said:
I wrote a quick prologue yesterday, the link should be in my signature if anyone fancies letting me know if I'm stumbling in the right direction?

I'm new to these forums, so maybe someone can help me out here. I clicked the link in Pingle’s signature, but it tells me I need a password to view. How does this work...? I'd love to take a look at the prologue.

BethS · Jul 8, 2018

EmmaSkysong said:
I clicked the link in Pingle’s signature, but it tells me I need a password to view. How does this work...? I'd love to take a look at the prologue.

The password is "vista"

EmmaSkysong · Jul 8, 2018

Thanks a lot, BethS! I'll try to take a look after work tomorrow.

pingle · Jul 9, 2018

Thanks Emma, definitely useful to hear how it worked for you. I had a look at the pt 1 of that link as well, will read them all properly tonight. Things like the first line must be a hook really freak me out, I had a quick flick through my closest bookshelf and I'd say probably about 50% follow that rule. Some quite brilliantly, and some in a way that I find a bit cheesy and try hard. My first lines are usually quite ordinary. I did tinker with making the start of chapter one visually powerful and the feedback was not great.

I could definitely go back a full chapter or two and add more real world before it all changes (I too am writing fantasy), but as she travels a lot I worry that there would be too much a-z business.

I'm going to mull this over today, thank you for your thoughts

Harlequin · Jul 9, 2018

Hook is a nebulous thing.

The first line must intrigue, but it can do that in different ways. The first line of one of my favorite stories begins with "When I was a boy my brother David and I had to go to bed early whether we were sleepy or not." (Fifth Head of Cerberus).

The actual first line isn't standout but Wolfe draws you in sentence by sentence, building on intrigue and niggling at what is wrong until suddenly you find yourself in a dark, alien world where children are cheaper to buy than food and generations of clones have conducted generations of experiments on their descendents; where the shape-shifting local aliens have either displaced the human population or been consumed by them and no one is quite sure which is which or whether there is any difference.

A well written first line says more to me than a gut-punch hook. It says the author is calm, confident, in control, and master of their own narrative. It says I am a guest invited to spend time in the story they have written, not a prisoner dragged forcefully along for the ride because they have no faith I'll stick with them otherwise.

I do know exactly what you mean about tryhard opening lines. Books that try too hard I tend to put down; nothing turns me off a novel faster than authorial anxiety. It's like the difference between the interesting guy who engages you in conversation and the brassy teenager who sends you dick pics ;-)

General rule of thumb - emulate what you enjoy. If you like it, someone else will too.

pingle · Jul 9, 2018

Harlequin said:
A well written first line says more to me than a gut-punch hook. It says the author is calm, confident, in control, and master of their own narrative. It says I am a guest invited to spend time in the story they have written, not a prisoner dragged forcefully along for the ride because they have no faith I'll stick with them otherwise.

Thank you, Harlequin, all of your post was helpful, not just this bit, though this gave me a bit of a lightbulb moment, and I think I will rewrite my first lines, but in a manner that hopefully gives off confidence rather than attempting to emulate the kind of writing that is not personally my style.

Also, I gotta read Fifth Head of Cerberus now.

Manuel Royal · Jul 9, 2018

Hopefully WLCT said:
After thinking about it,I moved Chapter 3 to Chapter 1,it just felt that it was where it was supposed to be. Your gut's always right!

My gut gets very confused sometimes! But--sooner or later, one has to make the decision.

Now that I've got the first chapter in shape, I'm really thinking I might end up cutting it in the second draft. The action, the story of the main POV characters, kicks into gear with the second chapter, and the first is starting to feel like a prequel. But even if I cut it, it was worth writing it down to get the sequence of events clear in my mind.

BethS · Jul 9, 2018

Harlequin said:
A well written first line says more to me than a gut-punch hook. It says the author is calm, confident, in control, and master of their own narrative. It says I am a guest invited to spend time in the story they have written, not a prisoner dragged forcefully along for the ride because they have no faith I'll stick with them otherwise.

That is beautifully put. And it's exactly what I look for, subconsciously most of the time, when I start a new book.

Starting the book a chapter earlier..

Eat books, not brains!