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How do I apply show not tell into third person?

Toto Too

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:)

every single thing *is* a thought that is coloured by the MC.

See, this is where first person and third person kind of blur together... right? Or no? Playing off your examples:

A pile of dog turds on one side, potholes on the other... and of course the broken cars everywhere. The beach or the spa sounded so nice right now. Even whale gutting in the arctic sounded better than this.

That's not much (any?) different than first person, is it? Which, I guess, doesn't matter. I don't know what I'm getting hung up on. I guess it's still stuck in my head from grade school that third person means "She did this. She did that." I feel like switching the syntax from one style to the other, back and forth, in the same ms isn't coming naturally.
 

blacbird

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A pile of dog turds on one side, potholes on the other... and of course the broken cars everywhere. The beach or the spa sounded so nice right now. Even whale gutting in the arctic sounded better than this.

This is a perfectly reasonable way to express a POV character's thoughts in limited 3rd narration. Writers do this kind of thing all the time, and you'll have no trouble finding examples of it everywhere. You are being far too straitjacketed in your conception of first-person and third-person narration, and the best advice anybody can give you is to READ. A lot. And pay attention to how other writers do this kind of thing.

caw
 

Harlequin

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Yes, I would have no problem with that in third person. To echo Blacbird.

You can have distant first (I wouldn't normally recommend it, but you can) and close third. Or close first and distant third etc. The POV doesnt necessarily specify how close or far you are inside a character's skin.
 

Toto Too

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Thanks both of you. Yeah, I'm trying to shift from distant third to close third, and it's posing more challenges than I expected. It's not just info-dumping the character's stream of consciousness. Or actually, it kind of IS, but the syntax behind it requires some creativity. It's just going to take a lot of practice. And, yes, also reading. I'm only slowly (emphasis on slowly) getting better at deconstructing exactly what an author did to craft certain passages, rather than it just being magic.
 
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nickj47

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It's just going to take a lot of practice.
As it always does. I have the same issue. I keep trying though, just never know if it works for the reader. They don't seem to know the characters as well as I do.
 

Elle.

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Thanks both of you. Yeah, I'm trying to shift from distant third to close third, and it's posing more challenges than I expected. It's not just info-dumping the character's stream of consciousness. Or actually, it kind of IS, but the syntax behind it requires some creativity. It's just going to take a lot of practice. And, yes, also reading. I'm only slowly (emphasis on slowly) getting better at deconstructing exactly what an author did to craft certain passages, rather than it just being magic.

You've got over 50 posts now so if you want some advice you could post an exact that gives you trouble in the SYW section to get some specific feedback.
 

BethS

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But everything is filtering, or italics, or too on the nose. Yes, I think the unexpected reaction is a great technique, and I see how your sentence is doing a lot. But like any technique, it can't be applied to every single thought, right?

No, and shouldn't be.

Most everything has its place and its use, including telling and filtering. And it's also possible to do too much of something, even something that would normally be considered good.

She thought about the beach... or the spa... or whale gutting in the arctic. Anything would be better than this.

I like that version--it's that unexpected and incongruous mention of whale-gutting that seals it.
 
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