The Pink Elephant on the Wall

Chase said:

Never lazy to spell time-honored contractions correctly--unless drinking on the job gets in the way.

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Man, drinkin' didn't cause that... It's due to a state employee who's boss stutters.

Also, many folks listen to what someone says, then are too lazy to actually learn anything about their own language, and simply write what they think they heard: "Would've" becomes "Would of", etc.

I see this all the time on YouTube comments and such, and it makes me wanna smack 'em.

"Yer a native English speaker??? Then go learn some goddamned ENGLISH, ya f**kn' lazy-assed PUTZ!"

But maybe that's just me...


O.H.

For all intensive purposes...

Roxx, the really good ones write "For all in tents and porpoises".

Roxxsmom said:

For all intensive purposes...

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I recall actually seeing that one on an English paper back in the day. Thank goodness it wasn't Old Hat's version or surely there would of would've been academic probation.

"Far and in between"... when they meant "few and far between."

What inspired my rant that I quoted here earlier was someone telling a legal immigrant that was learning English that they "were retarted and should of stayed were they come from."

I don't take too well to that... especially since my father's parents came over from Germany in the mid-1930's.

It tends to cause me to not only bite, but chew as well.


O.H.

Google published a state-by-state "most misspelled word." In Oregon, it's defanitely definately definitely:

Louisiana, Oregon – definitely

Montana's cracks up some lipreaders and makes others blush :

Maine, Montana, Wisconsin – vacuum

In isolation, it looks exactly like the "f" bomb + "you."
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Wonder if some favorite media phrases would apply here - like "Double down." I know what they are trying to say but this is not only irritating but not really correct either (my grammar isn't as good as it used to be so I don't know for sure).

Chase told me "double down" was a gambling term - I'm not a gambler, never heard of the term until the media started using it, I guess the only thing I'm sure of is that it's damn irritating. Sometimes I think I've led a sheltered life.

Used to work with an older man who was soooooo very bad about mangling his metaphors that we just started calling them by his last name: Flesnese or Flesnerisms:

"Go over the report with a fine tooth and comb"
"Let me tell you how the cow hit the cabbage"
"Between the Devil and a hard place"

Ol' Fashioned Girl said:

"Between the Devil and a hard place"

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Ha ha ha. That Flesnerisms really tickles my fantasy novels.

Ol' Fashioned Girl said:

"Let me tell you how the cow hit the cabbage"

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The worst one for me is "I should of known that" or "How could I of guessed". It's HAVE, not OF! Ugh! My son's girlfriend says it incorrectly often and my son just laughs at me. Bugger!

"You'll suffer a fate worse than debt."

Last night, I saw "cut and dry" in closed captions. Kay says she heard "cut and dried," the phrase we both use, so we looked, and Washington State University lists "cut and dry" in its Common Errors website:

Many people mishear the standard expression meaning “set,” “not open to change,” as “cut and dry.” Although this form is listed in the Oxford English Dictionary, it is definitely less common in sophisticated writing. The dominant modern usage is “cut and dried.” When used to modify a noun, it must be hyphenated: “cut-and-dried plan.”
I'm plumb tickled to be included with all you sophisticated writers.

I had a college professor once say "pacifically" instead of "specifically."

Needless to say, I was shocked.

I just found this thread. Not so much word problems, but I know someone who mixes up adages that are somewhat related. I've heard:

"Early to bed catches the worm."
"A rising tide sinks all ships."
"One man's trash is in the eye of the beholder."
"Don't count your chickens all in one basket."
"That's a watched pot calling the kettle black."


And my favorite: "You can kill a bird in the hand with two stones." I mean... yeah, I guess you can.

My absolute favorite of all time (which in and of itself something...) comes from a show called Sports Night.

Aaron Sorkin did the show and it started right about the time West Wing was starting. Both were fast paced humor, and brilliant Sorkin at his best, but SN was a bit more niche (though for that reason, I think more brilliant).

Anyway, the mixed up metaphor is when one member says,

"Let me spread it out in a nutshell for you..."

"Danny I'm tired of you mixing your metaphors. "Spread it out in a nutshell for you?" Really? Hi, I'm a professional writer."

Or something close to that - if I can find a YouTube clip of it, I'll come back and link it - if not, I'll create the clip myself as I own the set! One of my favorite shows of all time too...

Though mixed metaphors are the bane of editors (or so goes my big bane theory of relatively wrong), I love 'em from sports commentators. It often makes watching a slow game worthwhile.

porlock said:

"You'll suffer a fate worse than debt."

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Is there truly a worse fate?

“It’s a face worse than death.” Makes me wonder how ugly the person in question must be.

Rebel rouser.

Some of my faves from former co-workers are word mispronunciations: sammidge, punkin, heliocopter, interpretate.

I actually have a long list of these and am in the process of incorporating them into my WIP, though unfortunately I don’t have room to fit them all without sacrificing some of the narratorialism-ness (hyphen necessary or unnecessary?).