Seeking Beta Readers for Completed Medical/Political/Alt. History Thriller

GregFH · Jun 21, 2018

Word Count 145K includes 7K factual Appendix.

Draft blurb:

As the 2012 Republican convention disperses, the nominees, dozens more GOP dignitaries, and their spouses are sharing the coughs and sneezes of common colds. But their symptoms turn unexpectedly grisly, and soon Republican VIP deaths in droves startle the nation. Within weeks, the epidemic is decimating the country’s political class.

An urgently convened government taskforce takes physicians Frank Dunne of USAMRIID and Seanna Balfour of the CDC from careers on bureaucratic autopilot into a maelstrom. A departmental turf war erupts over control of the task force and whether the pathogen is natural or bioterrorism. Investigation reveals that the “Republican Flu” originated with an overseas outbreak of a hitherto unknown hemorrhagic fever. The novel virus is terrifyingly infectious, horrifically virulent, and evolving in a way thought impossible.

Dunne and Balfour must mine the medical data for the key to controlling a growing global pandemic. Frank’s breakthrough genetic hypothesis charts a path, but the answer remains elusive. The relentlessly spreading disease puts the upcoming election in jeopardy, posing an unprecedented constitutional crisis. When Seanna’s stubbornly methodical epidemiology warns of near apocalyptic consequences, they advise a quarantined president and a panicking nation to resist the disease with drastic measures on a scale never imagined. While fighting their own fears for the lives of those they love, Seanna and Frank race to develop a treatment before the deteriorating civil order frays beyond repair.

V. Eln · Jul 17, 2018

Hey Greg,

Are you open to a beta swap?

Mine is an adult fiction political thriller, 108,000 words. It is a cautionary tale with a message. The dust cover promo might say:

"A young American research scientist is investigating the Left/Right cultural divide. An aging and disillusioned German anti-war activist decides to become a whistle blower. He sends the American some secret political information which could threaten the existence of the European Union. The American hides to escape the forces trying to murder him..."

GregFH · Jul 18, 2018

Am interested. I PM'ed you.

Barbara R. · Jul 18, 2018

Obviously I haven't read a word of your book, so take this with multiple grains of salt: but at 145K words, it's longer than it should be, heavier than its fighting weight, and probably needs a good edit before being sent out to fend for itself.

GregFH · Jul 18, 2018

You could be right, Barbara, and am well aware I'm way outside the usual range, but consider: Some of the length stems from the "world building" aspect of alternative history and some from the explication of medicine and other science and of U.S. constitutional law that's part of the book (in addition to the Appendix). One Beta reader (experienced and neither family nor friend) who's already finished the book said: "I do think you'll meet with skepticism on the length, but I also think the length is appropriate for the story." A couple of the other Beta readers so far have mentioned one or two chapters (but not the same ones, of course, that's how Beta reading works) they think are too long but not expressed concern about the length generally.

Ironically, much earlier in the process of writing it I worried about whether it would reach a respectable novel length. Now, in addition to the current draft, I've also got a separate document of parts excised wholesale that runs about 45,000 words. At this point, a significant reduction in length would require a brutal hacking at the plot, and maybe that'll need to happen, but am waiting on more Beta reader reaction before considering that step.

Barbara R. · Jul 19, 2018

Again bear in mind that I haven't read your work, so these remarks are general. But in my experience, having edited hundreds of books and written a bunch of my own, there are many reasons other than world building that novels run too long.

1. The writer tries to incorporate too much in a single novel. This is more the rule than the exception for first novels. Every story the writer has ever dreamed of telling, every character they've ever imagined, every theme that interests them, gets shoved into that first book as if there would be no others. The result is a lengthy but unfocused mess.

2. There's a lot of repetition and bloated prose.

3. There are subplots that go nowhere and should have been allowed to die on the vine, as well as superfluous characters.

4. The writer attempts not only to tell the story but also to interpret it for the reader, which leads to a lot of unnecessary explanation.

5. The book is burdened with prefaces, afterwords, appendices--although actually, you're the first fiction writer I've encountered to include appendices, which is not something most readers want or need. But most of that stuff is like scaffolding: helpful while building your structure, but needs to be taken down once the novel is complete.

Beta readers can be helpful if you're lucky enough to find really good ones, but most have had little or no experience in publishing. Cost considerations matter a lot in publishing, as does pricing. Despite the exceptions we all know about (OUTLANDER by Diana Gabaldon was a good one), making a book too long just sets up one more barrier on an already difficult path.

I hope you find some good readers and wish you the best with this project.

cornflake · Jul 19, 2018

GregFH said:
You could be right, Barbara, and am well aware I'm way outside the usual range, but consider: Some of the length stems from the "world building" aspect of alternative history and some from the explication of medicine and other science and of U.S. constitutional law that's part of the book (in addition to the Appendix). One Beta reader (experienced and neither family nor friend) who's already finished the book said: "I do think you'll meet with skepticism on the length, but I also think the length is appropriate for the story." A couple of the other Beta readers so far have mentioned one or two chapters (but not the same ones, of course, that's how Beta reading works) they think are too long but not expressed concern about the length generally.

Ironically, much earlier in the process of writing it I worried about whether it would reach a respectable novel length. Now, in addition to the current draft, I've also got a separate document of parts excised wholesale that runs about 45,000 words. At this point, a significant reduction in length would require a brutal hacking at the plot, and maybe that'll need to happen, but am waiting on more Beta reader reaction before considering that step.

Seconding Barbara, basically.

I have no idea what's in your thing either, and it might be that every word is needed and works and it doesn't feel bloated as a whole.

However, there are red flags in this post suggesting otherwise. Saying the length is partly attributable to worldbuilding when it's alt history, not, say, high fantasy, seems strange. Alternative is an offshoot on the known world, so there shouldn't be that much to 'explain.'

As well, the part about you need to explain medicine, science and ConLaw? That would make me bet a wad of cash you're overwriting, overexplaining, etc. It'd be very odd for trimming to need to reduce plot, though there may be extraneous plot points that go noplace, are redundant, whatever, but ...who are your betas? Are they familiar with publishing, writing, are they readers of the genre, are they big readers in general?

Bufty · Jul 19, 2018

Just curious. The best stories are about people - is this one about the main characters' actions/reactions/experiences/emotions or is it more focused on the pathogen and how it influences/affects the 'world'? Only the last sentence of the OP relates to the characters.

Good luck.

GregFH · Jul 19, 2018

Bufty said:
Just curious. The best stories are about people - is this one about the main characters' actions/reactions/experiences/emotions or is it more focused on the pathogen and how it influences/affects the 'world'? Only the last sentence of the OP relates to the characters.

Good luck.

The story is very science driven, following the outbreak from patient zero through development into a full-blown global pandemic, in particular the government task force's epidemiological investigation, how they puzzle their way to understanding a novel disease, the politics that swirls around them, why stopping the virus is so difficult, and what the alternatives are. The virus is the antagonist, in effect a main character. By and large, most of the pandemic books I've read give the science surprisingly short shrift, and I think there's a good story there--look at how popular the nonfiction "The Hot Zone" (136K words) by Richard Preston has been. He followed up with a medical thriller, "The Cobra Event" which was also 136K words.

There are a few chapters that amount to a college level class. And that's the level story I wanted to write.

The election machinery in the U.S. is quite cumbersome and complex, so the potential consequences there are complex as well. And, like Turow but unlike another big name in legal thrillers who will remain nameless, I've kept the law accurate.

There's a fair amount about the actions/reactions/experiences/emotions of the two main characters--who have been big hits with the betas who have finished and reported back so far--and a few of the supporting characters, but most of the characters, frankly, are props supporting the viral pandemic and political consequences sides of the story, including all the "real life" characters I've borrowed from events current to 2012 (the only one of those for whom there's much development is President Obama).

My Betas range from friends and family, to several experts in relevant fields who have agreed to read the book (one just the parts that relate to his specialty)(three scientists and one retired network newscaster, since media reaction to events is part of the story), to some strangers who are friends of friends but big readers, to a few publishing professionals who offer beta reading as one of their services for a modest fee. (There's one overlap: my brother is a Ph.D. who works with microbial genetics and bio-surveillance.) I'm an attorney, so I'm confident in the accuracy of the parts about constitutional and election law, but am asking the betas specifically whether it gets too deep.

I'm also asking the betas specifically about the various subplots, whether they fit in or seem unresolved, etc.

Factual introductions or appendices are not unusual in fiction with a significant scientific or historical component.

cornflake · Jul 19, 2018

GregFH said:
The story is very science driven, following the outbreak from patient zero through development into a full-blown global pandemic, in particular the government task force's epidemiological investigation, how they puzzle their way to understanding a novel disease, the politics that swirls around them, why stopping the virus is so difficult, and what the alternatives are. The virus is the antagonist, in effect a main character. By and large, most of the pandemic books I've read give the science surprisingly short shrift, and I think there's a good story there--look at how popular the nonfiction "The Hot Zone" (136K words) by Richard Preston has been. He followed up with a medical thriller, "The Cobra Event" which was also 136K words.

There are a few chapters that amount to a college level class. And that's the level story I wanted to write.

The election machinery in the U.S. is quite cumbersome and complex, so the potential consequences there are complex as well. And, like Turow but unlike another big name in legal thrillers who will remain nameless, I've kept the law accurate.

There's a fair amount about the actions/reactions/experiences/emotions of the two main characters--who have been big hits with the betas who have finished and reported back so far--and a few of the supporting characters, but most of the characters, frankly, are props supporting the viral pandemic and political consequences sides of the story, including all the "real life" characters I've borrowed from events current to 2012 (the only one of those for whom there's much development is President Obama).

My Betas range from friends and family, to several experts in relevant fields who have agreed to read the book (one just the parts that relate to his specialty)(three scientists and one retired network newscaster, since media reaction to events is part of the story), to some strangers who are friends of friends but big readers, to a few publishing professionals who offer beta reading as one of their services for a modest fee. (There's one overlap: my brother is a Ph.D. who works with microbial genetics and bio-surveillance.) I'm an attorney, so I'm confident in the accuracy of the parts about constitutional and election law, but am asking the betas specifically whether it gets too deep.

I'm also asking the betas specifically about the various subplots, whether they fit in or seem unresolved, etc.

Factual introductions or appendices are not unusual in fiction with a significant scientific or historical component.

Aside from everything else -- you know you can't put real people (like Obama) in your book as characters, right? You say there's development and I don't know if you mean for him irl since you started this, but in the book, he can't be a character who says things.

GregFH · Jul 19, 2018

cornflake said:
Aside from everything else -- you know you can't put real people (like Obama) in your book as characters, right? You say there's development and I don't know if you mean for him irl since you started this, but in the book, he can't be a character who says things.

Yes you can, as long as you don't purposely defame him "with actual malice".

cornflake · Jul 19, 2018

GregFH said:
Yes you can, as long as you don't purposely defame him "with actual malice".

I don't know where you got that idea, but it's not true. You need to consult a lawyer.

Also perhaps read some caselaw.

GregFH · Jul 19, 2018

cornflake said:
I don't know where you got that idea, but it's not true. You need to consult a lawyer.

Also perhaps read some caselaw.

I am a lawyer with decades of experience in I.P. litigation (and reading case law). The Johannson case had to do with defamation, and the Hilton case has to do with using private materials. You can use public figures in your fiction as long as you don't defame them, invade their privacy by publishing private, non-public information, or commit misappropriation of a right of publicity, such as using them in an advertisement, and in many jurisdictions, fiction is automatically outside the last one (see your first link) on First Amendment grounds.
http://helensedwick.com/how-to-use-real-people-in-your-writing/
http://www.writersdigest.com/wp-content/uploads/Can-I-use-other-peoples-names-and-stories.pdf
http://www.writehacked.com/fiction-writers-guide-using-real-people-story/

hereticdoll · Jul 19, 2018

GregFH said:
Yes you can, as long as you don't purposely defame him "with actual malice".

Nevermind. It looks like you already have your answer.

Seeking Beta Readers for Completed Medical/Political/Alt. History Thriller

GregFH

V. Eln

GregFH

Barbara R.

Old Hand in the Biz

GregFH

Barbara R.

Old Hand in the Biz

cornflake

practical experience, FTW

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

GregFH

cornflake

practical experience, FTW

GregFH

cornflake

practical experience, FTW

GregFH

hereticdoll