(This is my first time critiquing someone else's writing, so sorry if I do it wrong)

- I find the language used is easy to read, but the wording makes it difficult to follow, and a little bit straight forward.
- The character names are nice but are the same length and both start with A. Re-naming or adding another letter to it would make it easier to read. Like D(Alia)/ Alistar or M(Arti)/ Morticia for example.
- It really feels like Bump Bump Bump is being over-used. Try finding another way to describe the sounds from the scene.

Your first paragraph you wrote

"The sound was coming from above the ceiling, from his master's attic chambers. Arti thought he knew all the sounds of the old palace--banging shutters, howling wind, hungry squealing mice--but this was something new."

I would word it in this way, to add more suspense, as neither the reader or character is aware of the danger.

"The ceiling above him creaked, particles of dust escaping through the cracks of his master's chambers overhead. Arti was familiar with the haunting feelings the palace could place on someone, from the skittering of mice to the furious rattling of the shutters."


I might be able to read about 10 pages every day or so, if you'd like.