Agented, published, and no career

The best thing to do is break up with your agent. Psychologically you’ll always be comparing yourself to what she wants.

If you are really keen, do what writers have done since the beginning, change your pen name and write a big stonking commercial book and Re-debut after that. Set fire to your past efforts.

Well done on 5,000 rating on GoodReads! That's actually an impressive achievement. Hardly a failure!

I've been there, done that... I had a very unhealthy (for me) agent relationship. She sold my first book to a small publisher, and didn't make much money from that. She hated my second book. I reworked it according to her vague suggestions... she wanted it to be more commercial - that wasn't really the problem as it would be great to make a career of writing, and to make some money. I rewrote the same book, several times, over many years. I tried to please her because we all know how hard it is to find an agent in the first place, but eventually I was so disheartened by her lack of enthusiasm for all my drafts that I realised it was time to let go. She's a fantastic agent for other writers, but she wasn't a fantastic agent for me.

I'm not going to lie: second time around, it was even harder to find an agent - agents are really over-saturated with queries, however I eventually found someone wonderfully supportive, and she loved my book. My book hasn't sold yet, but in the meantime I've got two other books I need to polish, and my new agent is keen to look at both.

My only regret: that I spent way too many years holding onto an unhealthy relationship because I was scared of letting go.

I second everything Treehouseman says. It's better to move on from a relationship which makes you unhappy. I think agent-writer break-ups are a lot more common than people realise.

I would say arrange a call with the agent with a 'break-up' in mind. Air your concerns and have a frank talk about what the agent wants from you, what you want from the agent, and why it isn't working right now. Unless they leave you feeling really positive and optimistic about the future, it's time to look for someone else who actually fits with you.

One more thing: it also sounds like you need a few good CPs or betas - my CPs and betas have been invaluable as sounding boards. Given how well your first book did (yes, I think it did do well), and the positive response you've had (Kirkus etc), you're clearly a good writer. You're second guessing everything because of your agent's negative reactions. It's a vicious cycle, and one that I got sucked into too.

I suggest getting beta reads on some of those other manuscripts of yours - you can rework your best ms (your favourite), write a brilliant query, and start shopping it to prospective agents.

Remember always that this is a subjective business. My first agent hated the book that my second agent loved.

I'm so sorry you've fallen out of love with writing. Your journey has certainly had its ups and downs.

I agree with others re your agent – it sounds like you're not a good match anymore. Also, have you considered going indie? I used to vow I'd never veer from traditional publishing, but then one article nudged the door open, and after a month of research I discovered that self-publishing was a much better match for my goals and personality. Just something to consider, if you haven't already done so.

I really feel for you. I too know how it feels to bag an agent and then a publisher and feel like you've succeeded, only to realise that getting published is the start of a journey, not a happily ever after. My situation is slightly different to yours - my debut novel led to a contract for two more book - but like you I didn't get renewed beyond that, and pretty much feel like a failiure (debut did *very* well but books 2 and 3 didn't so much, through reasons mostly to do with the publisher). I get told that "things like this happen" in publishing and "your experience isn't uncommon" but it doesn't help when you want to build a career in writing - and expected (rightly or wrongly) that building a career would be possible after a strong debut.

Knowing you're not alone doesn't really help, of course. Like others I would suggest you move on from your agent unless she is able to give you some solid direction or reassurance. That relationship is generating nothing but negative feelings right now, and while finding a new agent is a fresh new level of hell to enter, being free is better than being in a relationship that is going nowhere (same goes for a writing life as a love life here). Without your agent holding you back you can focus on being the writer you want to be, and, I hope, rediscover the love for your writing.

Like others have said, I do think acquiring some knowledgable beta readers would be good, and help answer your doubts as to whether you are a good writer or not (agent acquisition and publishing success are of course evidence that you are, but I imagine you'd like some more recent reassurance). If you take some time out to rediscover yourself as a writer, and what you want to write, then that's time well spent. I was intensely disillusioned when stuff went wrong for me (and the fourth book I wrote was rejected by editors). It's taken a few years since for me to get over that and write what I want to write, and I do believe I've come out of it strongly as a writer. It's not a process I could have rushed. I hope something similar could work for you, and you will come back feeling stronger. Tackling this writing business when you feel so depressed and negative isn't an experience it sounds like you need right now, not until you rediscover what made you love this writing lark in the first place.

midazolam said:

It's also tough feeling so alone in this kind of failure - the writing community doesn't really talk about "failed debut authors." It's depressing. You get published, and you think that's it, I've finally made it. Except no, not really, not for everyone. My debut wasn't a bad book - it has nearly 5,000 ratings on Goodreads and a 3.97 average, plus a starred review from Kirkus, and some blurbs from bestselling authors. It was published by a major house and sold for a nice amount of money, which was probably my downfall because it had no hope of earning out its advance after my editor was fired. I'm glad people are still reading it three years after it came out, but I had always hoped to publish more than one book.

I just don't know where to go from here. I feel like my writing brain is paralyzed. I sit down to write with a million different ideas, none of which feel good enough. I haven't officially broken up with my agent yet, but I know I should. She's definitely part of the problem, in that she made me feel like a total failure (well, she did refer to my debut as a "failure," so that's part of it). But I also have nothing else to query, or at least nothing I really believe in.

So is that it? What should I do? I'm at such a loss.

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Step 1: Dump the agent. I wouldn't bother with a phone call. Check your contract and see what you have to do procedurally to make it official, then do it. And consider blocking her on social media; you don't need to see her name whacking you in the face for any reason. If there's some legit business reason she needs to get in touch with you, she can write you a damn letter.

Step 2: You're not alone. I'm right where you are. And no, there's not a good place to talk about what it feels like - you don't want to discourage the people who are still striving, but you've got this really brutal experience to process, and sometimes it's hard to watch the people who still have an intact dream.

I'm sure there are more of us. DM me if you want.

Ditch the agent. As Liz says, check the contract, and do what you need to with the minimum contact with the agent.

Don't be a douche about it, be as vague as possible about reasons but ditch her.

She's not helping, she's hurting and a bad agent is worse than no agent.

Give yourself a break. Write something silly and fun or step away from writing for a while.

Maybe spend some time just reading and thinking and being.

And I'm sorry this happened to you.

I'm sorry this has been so difficult for you. I think a lot of us have been somewhere like that mentally and emotionally at whatever point in publishing or writing we are, and it hurts so so much. "Normal" (non-writer) human beings can't know how much. Here's what I thought as I read your post:

midazolam said:

I don't even know where to begin. My story is so disheartening that I hesitate to even post it. I'm glad you did. We need to hear the realities of the business. I've written more manuscripts than I can count - the fourth got me an agent, the seventh got me a better agent, the eighth, ninth, and tenth didn't sell, the eleventh got me an agent and sold (yay! glimmer of success!), Yeah!!! the twelfth sucked (according to my agent, who refused to shop it), Sounds like you've got quite a few products you could do something with if you have that many unpublished, polished books! and from then on I've managed to churn out 20 or 30 partial manuscripts, a few as long as 40,000 words, You sound prolific, full of ideas! but most around 5,000, six of which have been ripped apart by my agent, ouch ouch ouch such that I haven't talked to her in almost two years because it left me so dejected, depressed, and discouraged. Yes, that's not good.

I miss writing. I really do. And yet every time I sit down to do it, I feel like I'm just going to write another crap story/novel/paragraph/whatever, so what's the point. My inner editor says the writing isn't good, Kindly ask your inner editor to go into the other room while you write. Then they can come back after you're done. Sounds stupid and it's very hard, but it can work. Don't fight the editor, the editor is important, but put him or her in its place. and my inner agent says this story won't sell Gosh, I thought I was the only crazy person who had an inner agent! Again, escort this person into the other room while you work. You'll have time for the inner agent after your writing is done. Be kind to yourself and accept all the valuable advice the voices are trying to give you without judging it. (believe me, my agent made it very clear what's marketable and what isn't; she had me writing in genres that veered so far off base of my debut that I wondered how in the world I'd ever gotten published in the first place). It sounds like you stopped writing what you love to write?

It's also tough feeling so alone in this kind of failure - the writing community doesn't really talk about "failed debut authors." If you're giving yourself this label, you're not going to write well or at all. Self-doubt and judgemental labels eat creativity. It's depressing. You get published, and you think that's it, I've finally made it. Except no, not really, not for everyone. My debut wasn't a bad book - it has nearly 5,000 ratings on Goodreads and a 3.97 average, plus a starred review from Kirkus, and some blurbs from bestselling authors. It was published by a major house and sold for a nice amount of money, Ok, this totally does not sound like failure! Why are you calling yourself one? which was probably my downfall because it had no hope of earning out its advance after my editor was fired. I'm glad people are still reading it three years after it came out, but I had always hoped to publish more than one book. Ah, that's what does us in, isn't it? Expectations. We have to have them, we have to have goals, right? But unfortunately this goal of having a career writing is partly or largely out of our hands, and that is very frustrating and disappointing. We have to accept that. One of the few things we can do is keep writing. THAT is your superpower!

I just don't know where to go from here. I feel like my writing brain is paralyzed. This is hell, I know. I sit down to write with a million different ideas, none of which feel good enough. Please, please be kind to yourself. Too many of us artists break completely under the strain we often put on ourselves. Writing takes a lot of energy, and maybe you don't have it at the moment. If not, give yourself permission to step away from writing. It's ok. If you miss it enough, and can do it without looking over your own shoulder, write. If writing is making you miserable, step away and refuel your tanks with other art or nature or exercise or whatever for as long as it takes until you feel centered again. Living life away from the keyboard is never a waste of time. It can inspire you. I haven't officially broken up with my agent yet, but I know I should. Sounds like it. She's definitely part of the problem, in that she made me feel like a total failure (well, she did refer to my debut as a "failure," so that's part of it). Ok, from a publishing/money standpoint, the book didn't meet expectations. But YOU are not the book. YOU are not a failure! But I also have nothing else to query, or at least nothing I really believe in.

So is that it? What should I do? I'm at such a loss.

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Thanks for talking to us. We all could use a little reality check about what we're into. I hope you sort things out soon. Others have given good advice here.

+1 vote to dump the agent. I'm on my second agent, and the idea of being agentless is far worse than the reality. It hits some people hard for the first few months (particularly if you wrap a lot of pride around the idea of being an agented writer -- it's hard not to, writers are conditioned to do that) but it gets easier.

The simple flow of querying is quite relaxing after going through the Hell-triathalon of a bad agents. Send e-mails; get responses, send more emails. While you do this, always be writing the next thing. That's it.

It feels freeing to get out of a bad agent's looming shadow and all the awful anxiety, doubt and second-guessing that toxic connection brings with it.

First off, congrats on writing such an awesome debut. 5,000 GR ratings, a 3.97 and a Kirkus star? That's sweet!

I would politely have a conversation with your agent and let her know you no longer wish to work with her. Be very nice about it. No reason to burn bridges or vent. You can do that with friends over a beer. And then I would take some time and rediscover what sorts of things you used to love about writing. And when you're ready, write another book. Doesn't have to be a bestseller. You could go with smaller publishers, you could self-publish, you could find a new agent. But for right now, just focus on figuring out what's fun to write again. I think the first step though, is getting out of a toxic relationship, and from what you describe, this agent is doing nothing good for you at this point.

And another vote to let go of the agent, and find one that supports you! They work for you, not the other way around. I'd say that 5000 GR ratings means you are a good writer, you just haven't found representation that works best for you yet. Best of luck, and congrats on what sounds like an amazing debut!

Hbooks said:

I would politely have a conversation with your agent and let her know you no longer wish to work with her.

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OP can of course do what feels right to them, but I don't think an actual conversation is necessary. They haven't talked in two years. This isn't going to blindside anyone. A brief, businesslike note should do the trick (although I'd send it certified return receipt so you have proof it was delivered).

AW Admin said:

Give yourself a break. Write something silly and fun or step away from writing for a while.

Maybe spend some time just reading and thinking and being.

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I agree with this. I can't offer any advice on the publishing/agent side of your situation, though I'm sorry to hear it's been a bad experience for you. You might want to try writing a different medium. Write a play or a screenplay or some poems. Get the creative juices going in a different direction.

I would drop the agent as well, it just seems like a bad fit.
This particular bit raises red flags for me: "she had me writing in genres that veered so far off base of my debut". I mean, sure if those are genres and stories you want to write in then that's all cool, if not then it's not a surprise you are struggling to write, or that your agent is not liking your various projects - which all feeds into you thinking everything you write is rubbish. You might find another agent will love and encourage your work instead of constantly telling you it is not marketable (it might not be of course, we don't know, but I'm sure not all agents will agree).

Also adding to the voice that says - check the contract for how to get out, write a neutral, polite letter/email, take a deep breath and start anew. I also like the idea of blocking that agent's name from any places you might see her, so you can avoid that bring-down. & I like the idea of writing something - fun and silly, or something like that, something no-pressure, just to get you back in the bichok. Maybe some exercises? or take an class at the adult-ed center? It's a good reminder that we and our accomplishments are separate things.

& (((hugs)))

& also, thanks for speaking up about - the 'I published, I made it - wait what happened?' phenomenon.

All I can really do is agree with others, and lament that there aren't many safe places to discuss this side of the business. Just know that you aren't alone. And that I would love to have 5000 GR ratings.

With that many readers, you must have some fans, no? Does it help at all to hear from readers who loved your first book? If you're like me, you tend to overvalue the negative voices and undervalue the positive ones, so it's important to be aware of that and counteract it. Have faith in the readers who loved your book, and that could be a step to regaining faith in yourself.

And try to stop hearing your current agent's voice in your head. There are ways to tell an author, "No, your book did not sell as well as we hoped" without calling it a failure. Granted, not all agents are going to be tactful, but I think being supportive is part of the job. If the agent no longer feels able to be supportive of your career, the relationship isn't working.

I agree with RaggyCat that showing work to CPs and betas helps. Best of all if you can work out an in-person group with people who are also published and writing in similar genres. I lucked into such a situation, despite living in the middle of nowhere, and it's been hugely, hugely helpful to me. I now have a buffer of sympathetic-but-critical readers against the scary, high-stakes world of publishing.

Also, before I was a published writer, I was a book reviewer keeping tabs on local authors' careers, and I've seen situations like this so many times. A great debut without a follow-up, a few wonderful books without a follow-up, a long space between books. I've heard so many authors' complaints about their agents and publishers and publicists. I've seen successful authors of an earlier era turning to self-publishing because they couldn't get a trade deal. I've seen wild comeback stories, too. The "instant success" stories you see on social media are just the stories people are eager to tell.

I don't have sensible advice, but you have lots of that already. I just want to join the chorus of people congratulating you on the success you have already achieved. The wonderful thing about writing is that unlike so many careers, you don't have to have made it when young, you don't have to worry about a big gap between published books (the being able to pen a new name is so true and such a liberation but I don't think big gaps with the same name matter either). I hope dropping the agent will be massively cathartic and that you can rediscover your love of writing.

I can completely understand your pain. I've had agents in the past that didn't work and have publishers that didn't want further books. The industry is so fickle, it's heartbreaking.

Just know you're not alone in this struggle. I think there's a lot of authors here that suffer the same thing, including myself. It's hard to get an agent and get published. It's even harder to maintain that career. Just know you've accomplished some spectacular things in your writing and no one can ever take that away from you.

April Swanson said:

have you considered going indie? I used to vow I'd never veer from traditional publishing, but then one article nudged the door open, and after a month of research I discovered that self-publishing was a much better match for my goals and personality. Just something to consider, if you haven't already done so.

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According to the latest Author earning report, Ebooks make up 55% of books sold online. (textbooks included) If you just look at Adult fiction that number grows to 90% for Romance, 75% for Fantasy. and Indie makes up about 45% of that (big five is just above 25% )
If you don't mind doing (or paying for) your own marketing, cover etc, then this really can be a viable option.

And once again, we see an instance where the agent, a hired hand, assumes control of the author, the actual employer. The interaction between agent and author should be a business partnership, not an abusive and exploitative dysfunctional relationship. Look, your agent isn't doing anything in this except manipulating you into doing their bidding, exploiting you to make money, and treating you like the hired help. You need to sever ties with this agent immediately, and take control of your writing life again.
Midazolam, this is YOUR business. Take control of it! You've got all these books trunked, finished, ready to publish, right? Your (former) agent was one person. They were trying to force you into other genres and write to order, which not everybody wants to do, and may not be good at. As we keep seeing here, this agent lost sight of the fact that they work for you and not the other way around. Unless you are drawing a salary from them, your agent works for you. Sadly, with the over-abundance of would-be authors out here right now, these type of agents can get away with treating authors the way you have been treated. It's a shame, but there seems to be a tactic they use that's similar to the Pick-up Artist tactic of "Negging" which is using negative feedback to manipulate people.
Even more sadly, it seems to work.
These agents seem to know just how to push your buttons to get you to do what they want. They prey on your uncertainty, your fears, your insecurity, and your desire to please. When you don't perform like their little dancing marionette, they do their best to destroy your confidence so you don't wind up competing with their stable of other authors.
The best correlation to these tactics I can find is the domestically abusive relationship. It's the same kind of mental manipulation and exploitation. It's evil, and it's wrong. It destroys careers, and destroys an author's self confidence in themselves.
Now please understand, it's a small percentage of agents who work this way and use these type of tactics. Many authors have productive, healthy business relationships with their agents, and are treated with respect and friendship. One bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch, but boy, the bad ones sure leave a bad taste in everyone's mouth, don't they?

Midazolam, you have talent. Use it. Take back control of your writing life.

R.A. Lundberg said:

These agents seem to know just how to push your buttons to get you to do what they want. They prey on your uncertainty, your fears, your insecurity, and your desire to please. When you don't perform like their little dancing marionette, they do their best to destroy your confidence so you don't wind up competing with their stable of other authors.

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This is going to stray from the original discussion a bit, so apologies in advance.

I've spent the last day trying to figure out what bothers me about the above assertion. And it does bother me, which is saying something given my own current circumstances.

I worked in software for 27 years. (Quit to write full time, since I couldn't have met my publishing schedule and kept my day job. Dear Other Writers: Never do this.) Software has a bad reputation, especially among women, and it's pretty much justified.

But I can count on one hand the number of people I met in 27 years who exercised the level of proactive, personalized malevolence that the quoted sentences describe. Bad actors? Lots. People who sucked at what they did? Legion. And sexual harassment is its own hellish category. But this kind of targeted, I-will-destroy-you-because-you-didn't-live-up-to-my-expectations? No.

Maybe I'm naive, but in general I think people's motivations are simpler than that, and that indifference drives a lot more cruelty than malevolence.

Writers are in a unique position in the publishing chain: we've got our stuff, and that's it. Agents, editors, publishers, Amazon--they've got a whole stack of writers. If they can't--or don't want--to sell your stuff? Oh well, on to the next thing. Never mind if it's the end of your career; they're still off making a living.

And there's nothing wrong with that. They have a job. They're doing their job. I like most of the people I worked with. I'm glad they can still afford food and rent.

YES, there are people in publishing who aren't that good at their jobs. There are also a******s. There's some overlap in those sets.

But I think there's some danger in taking one bad experience and weaponizing it to the point that we believe it was a targeted campaign designed to make us feel like crap. (I'll note that stories of successful writers/editors/academics taking advantage of and ultimately sabotaging the careers of other writers, in particular young women, are far too common, but I'm thinking particularly of the agent/author relationship here.)

The OP's agent liked one book. She didn't like the next one. That in itself isn't bad. The way she handled it was really, really clumsy and counterproductive, as was the way she handled subsequent submissions. (The ham-handed "just write a different genre" thing is not, based on my own anecdotal evidence, uncommon, and I actually think some of them intend it to be encouraging.) And frankly, if she wasn't willing to work with the OP, she should've suggested severing the relationship long ago.

Whether her behavior rises to the level of malevolence only the OP can say. I'm just saying that in general, it's my belief agents who act like this are either just plain callous, or don't want/know how to nurture an author's career when it doesn't blast into the stratosphere instantly.

When we research agents, we tend to look at their client list. We're seduced by the big names, and flattered if an agent with a stable of successful writers notices us. But IME we need to look at the whole client list. Because things don't always go smoothly, and knowing how to handle that--and enjoying that part of the job--is quite different than smiling and nodding while you take 15% of what's become a sure thing.*

*ETA: I don't want to suggest that agenting a successful author is trivial; I'm sure it's quite a lot of work. But qualitatively it's a different thing than building a slower-growing career.

Also agree with Lizmonster... My agent 1 wasn't some kind of evil agent who set out to demean me. She was busy, and, sure, dismissive, but she wanted me to write books that she could sell. I feel that agents are guided by their understanding of the market (in particular, editors they have good relationships with), and that's why they "encourage" writers to try different genres, etc. It is often about what is marketable - that will vary from agent to agent, depending on what they can sell.