How to show, not tell one's height and complexion

MondayNightFrungy · May 20, 2018

I have been trying to describe someone in terms of comparing them to typical household items. Let's say the person is five foot two. I can't think of anything. I have never owned a refrigerator that wasn't around six feet, and counters hit about 3 feet, so I can't comfortably say that such a person is a head taller than a counter or shorter than a refrigerator (would still be too tall?). And "she's five foot two" is right out (because I want to show, not tell).

As for complexion, I've read a lot of threads and web pages, every discussion ends in "don't use food" (check), there's few examples of what to actually say. (And to me, umber is just too awkward.) How would I "show" how a super dark skinned African person would compare to another object, or a very light skinned person, or someone in between? (Is "paper bag" not very offensive for moderate tones?)

Thanks!

Sage · May 20, 2018

I'll focus on the height question. Some things to think about:

Is this the POV character? What do we need to know about their height? Can you compare to other people (the POV character if this is not the POV character)? Can you speak about how difficult it is to reach for something (or if someone's tall, about their need to watch their head, as an example)? I feel the smoothest explanations of height are the ones that come in context with the scene around them.

Maythe · May 20, 2018

For height I'd have them stand on a chair to get to the top shelf or ask someone else to fetch something down for them. Or someone can comment on it, call them shorty, or they could say of another character 'Jenny is pretty short, not quite as short as me, but about 5'4".'

For skin colour I'd also probably try to find a bit of action or speech that demonstrates it. I'm having trouble thinking if an example right now but something like - She chose the bright green dress for the date, she always loved the way the fabric draped across her curves and the colour of it against her dark skin. That's a pretty cheesy example but I think it demonstrates my point.

cornflake · May 20, 2018

MondayNightFrungy said:
I have been trying to describe someone in terms of comparing them to typical household items. Let's say the person is five foot two. I can't think of anything. I have never owned a refrigerator that wasn't around six feet, and counters hit about 3 feet, so I can't comfortably say that such a person is a head taller than a counter or shorter than a refrigerator (would still be too tall?). And "she's five foot two" is right out (because I want to show, not tell).

As for complexion, I've read a lot of threads and web pages, every discussion ends in "don't use food" (check), there's few examples of what to actually say. (And to me, umber is just too awkward.) How would I "show" how a super dark skinned African person would compare to another object, or a very light skinned person, or someone in between? (Is "paper bag" not very offensive for moderate tones?)

Thanks!

Yeah, you probably don't want to compare people to paper sacks... or large appliances.

Just say someone is 5'2". I think you may misunderstand the whole show-not-tell thing. There's a place for both. Convoluted descriptions of people measuring them against random stuff in a kitchen or struggling to find some non-food item to just say 'she had ebony skin,' is not a good alternative to almost anything.

MondayNightFrungy · May 20, 2018

Thanks, everyone, for some great advice!

Sage said:
I'll focus on the height question. Some things to think about:

Is this the POV character? What do we need to know about their height? Can you compare to other people (the POV character if this is not the POV character)? Can you speak about how difficult it is to reach for something (or if someone's tall, about their need to watch their head, as an example)? I feel the smoothest explanations of height are the ones that come in context with the scene around them.

This is being written from the perspective of another character. I explored the "Difficulty reaching something" idea. I will give that another go, I'm trying to give as close an idea of the person's height as possible.

Maythe said:
For height I'd have them stand on a chair to get to the top shelf or ask someone else to fetch something down for them. Or someone can comment on it, call them shorty, or they could say of another character 'Jenny is pretty short, not quite as short as me, but about 5'4".'

For skin colour I'd also probably try to find a bit of action or speech that demonstrates it. I'm having trouble thinking if an example right now but something like - She chose the bright green dress for the date, she always loved the way the fabric draped across her curves and the colour of it against her dark skin. That's a pretty cheesy example but I think it demonstrates my point.

Well, now that you put it that way, I could contrast very dark skin against something light. One out of three.

cornflake said:
Yeah, you probably don't want to compare people to paper sacks... or large appliances.

Just say someone is 5'2". I think you may misunderstand the whole show-not-tell thing. There's a place for both. Convoluted descriptions of people measuring them against random stuff in a kitchen or struggling to find some non-food item to just say 'she had ebony skin,' is not a good alternative to almost anything.

Considering that it's held me up for two days on a project, I guess that could be another acceptable way out in order to get the train moving again.

cornflake · May 20, 2018

Also, why is the person's height so important? Are they going to be stuck, reaching for the abort button on the space station that's juuuuust out of reach?

How many character's exact heights do you know?

Blinkk · May 20, 2018

I have an MC who is fairly bulky. He describes - sometimes teases - his best friend for being skinny and lanky. The MC isn't aware that he's doing it, but he often describes people around him in comparison to himself. The best friend is called out multiple times for being a skinny dude. It takes a secondary character to finally point out, "You know, MC, Nate is not actually that skinny. You're the one whose weirdly muscular." And that settles that.

This story is in close 3rd also, so it's fun to write this way. It creates a very close relationship with the reader, because the reader is getting info straight from the MCs head, and we don't really realize how skewed his perception is until a neutral 3rd person comes along and corrects the viewpoint.

I'm a shorter woman in real life, and I don't realize how short I am. It's normal to be this height. Nothing unusual about it. I'd never compare myself to a fridge because the fridge has always been above me. That's regular - why would I point that out? I'm comfortable climbing up on tables or counters to reach something. This is normal for me. I'm so comfortable with it, I actually went to swing my foot up onto a church counter the other day. I started to hoist myself up and then though, Oh man, is this even socially acceptable? They won't like my shoes up there. Damn, how'm I gonna reach this?

Skin color can get touchy, for obvious reasons. How important is that to the story? Height, hair color, skin tone, etc are things I frequently leave out because it doesn't affect the plot. A character's skin color can be inferred through culture, so it's important to me to focus on culture instead. I frequently write fantasy, so my characters culture doesn't identify their skin color very well because these cultures don't exist in real life. And you know what? I don't mention skin tone anyway. The reader can imagine the characters the way they relate best to the character. As long as the character has a strong culture and personality, I'm happy.

Just my style though. I realize not everyone writes this way.

MondayNightFrungy · May 20, 2018

cornflake said:
Also, why is the person's height so important? Are they going to be stuck, reaching for the abort button on the space station that's juuuuust out of reach?

How many character's exact heights do you know?

It's an issue the character perceives to be the cause of certain problems in his life. (Same problems that plague his friend, the protagonist, who is six feet tall, but I've already solved "showing" him.)

Harlequin · May 21, 2018

MAke it interesting, relevant, and a part of your scene. A good way to do that is work it into dialogue to build tension and character. Excerpt from Wolfe's 'Shadow of the Torturer':

_______________________________

"Come here and sit by me."

I did as I was told, and she slipped her hands under the frayed bottom of my shirt and drew it over my head. I protested, but found myself unable to resist.

"What are you ashamed of? You who have no breasts to hide. I 've never seen such white skin coupled with dark hair... Do you think my own skin very white?"

"Very white, Chatelaine."

"So do others, but it is dun next to yours. You must flee the sun when you're a torturer, Severian. You'll burn terribly."

Maythe · May 21, 2018

I think with skin tone you could easily get into something the equivalent of 'she breasted boobily down the stairs' and I'm not sure my example doesn't stray into that territory a bit. It can be really contrived. I mean, I don't think about my skin tone except when I'm noticing I'm finally tanning slightly.

My height (I'm 5') imposes itself on my notice much more often since the world is created for people quite a bit taller than me and people seem to think it's a feature worthy of comment.

Harlequin · May 21, 2018

It's fine to just say someone is dark.

For a lot of nonwhite people, skin tone and colour is a big deal. They would think about it more. Equally, if race isn't an issue in the book, I wouldn't bring it up. If no one treats the character differently, it can be subtle. Eg Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman, where the MC is a black man; this is never explicity stated afaik but it's clear from the context (sons of an African god...). That was deliberate on his part.

Maythe · May 21, 2018

As I typed that bit about the world being made for people taller than me it did occur to me that the world (or at least, my part of it) is made for people with my skin colour so of course I don't think of it often. I don't need to because of my white privilege.

benbenberi · May 21, 2018

Harlequin said:
it can be subtle. Eg Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman, where the MC is a black man; this is never explicity stated afaik but it's clear from the context (sons of an African god...). That was deliberate on his part.

What Gaiman did in that book went further -- he never mentioned or explicitly described the race of any of the black characters, but he did identify the white characters as white. In other words, he switched the default so black became the unmarked state. Very neatly done.

Woollybear · May 21, 2018

This is useful for thinking about skin tone. I'd also wondered if it was necessary (and had not really addressed it).

A simple indicator of relative height is whether standing characters are looking up or down at one another. It's a single word addition to some random 'Character looked (up/down) at character' line that probably already exists -- and there is a relational height established.

Absolute height may not be necessary to know. We assume characters are in the average range (5 to 6 feet for adults) unless told otherwise.

Lakey · May 21, 2018

This might not be exactly what you are looking for, but I've been thinking a lot about using physical description as an opportunity for characterization, either of the person being described, of the POV character in whose perception the description resides, or of both. An off-the-cuff example I gave in a another thread not too long ago was:

"Jane had always envied tall women like Anne. The crisp crease in Anne's trousers struck Jane as a personal affront, as though Anne were intentionally flaunting her elegance." (describing Anne, characterizing Jane)

or

"Anne sat on the couch and stretched her long legs in front of her, carefully arranging the crease in her trousers. It had taken fifteen minutes with the iron to get that crease just right, and she wanted to keep it tidy." (both describing and characterizing Anne)

These aren't directly relevant to the particular description you are struggling with - especially to the skin-color part of it - but maybe it can help to think about the characteristics you want to describe, not in terms of other physical things like refrigerators and paper bags, but in terms of what they make your other characters feel and think about.

Aggy B. · May 21, 2018

MondayNightFrungy said:
It's an issue the character perceives to be the cause of certain problems in his life. (Same problems that plague his friend, the protagonist, who is six feet tall, but I've already solved "showing" him.)

Right. But for most readers all you need to do is ID someone as short. They will not care whether that person is 5'1" or 5'2". Just like you wouldn't need to tell the reader exactly how many pounds a character weighs unless it's somehow a plot point. That kind of detail is distracting rather than immersive.

Sage · May 21, 2018

MondayNightFrungy said:
It's an issue the character perceives to be the cause of certain problems in his life. (Same problems that plague his friend, the protagonist, who is six feet tall, but I've already solved "showing" him.)

The more impact his height has on him, the easier it should be to show the information in context.

Same with skin color. Or any other piece of description.

Alessandra Kelley · May 21, 2018

At five foot two a wall light switch is about clavicle height, I think.

R.A. Lundberg · May 21, 2018

It's simple; don't describe it at all. Use the setting to show the characters height, and let dialogue describe colors, but only in the most general sense. Let your reader build the idea of what your character looks like. We just provide the framework, and let their imagination do the work of filling in the blanks.

MondayNightFrungy · May 21, 2018

benbenberi said:
What Gaiman did in that book went further -- he never mentioned or explicitly described the race of any of the black characters, but he did identify the white characters as white. In other words, he switched the default so black became the unmarked state. Very neatly done.

My story involves an African American protag going offworld to places where humans/near-humans look like him and also not like him. The differences and similarities are a part of the story. Each place has its own set of "default" complexions, and a few that are mixed.

Bufty · May 21, 2018

How you expected us to know that beats me!

Off world? Humans/near humans? Default complexions?

Just get to the point and say what you mean to convey to the reader whatever it is you want conveyed, seems simplest solution to me.

Good luck -

MondayNightFrungy said:
My story involves an African American protag going offworld to places where humans/near-humans look like him and also not like him. The differences and similarities are a part of the story. Each place has its own set of "default" complexions, and a few that are mixed.

Woollybear · May 21, 2018

MondayNightFrungy said:
My story involves an African American protag going offworld to places where humans/near-humans look like him and also not like him. The differences and similarities are a part of the story. Each place has its own set of "default" complexions, and a few that are mixed.

If you're still interested in showing this, you might consider going at it from the other end (adaptation to the environment.) Two quick examples:

"The world was in semi-gloom even at midday, and everyone ate lunch out of doors to absorb as much light as they could."

"The world was uncomfortably bright. The locals were adapted, but he found sunglasses and a wide brimmed hat to be necessary."

Nerdilydone · May 21, 2018

Honestly, people can have a real stick up their butt about descriptions. If you feel that your story's tone is sarcastic/humorous enough, go ahead and compare someone to a paper bag. Otherwise, you can intentionally vague, or in fact just be blunt. Have a character say something. As long as you, in your heart, are not being discriminatory, you're good.

I think in most cases nobody really cares about height. You don't have to mention it at all unless the person is especially tall, especially short, or the average height of your alien species is taller or shorter than the average heights of humans. A 5'2" person, in my opinion, is on the short end of the normal range. If you absolutely must mention their height, maybe have someone hug them from behind, placing their chin on the shorter person's head, or somesuch. Compare them to another character who is taller/shorter.

Harlequin · May 21, 2018

If he's thinking about it a lot, you're probably fine to just hang it out there, or to openly reflect on how they handle skintone differently as a culture. Etc. It won't feel like those tacked on laundry list descriptions because it's relevant.

Don't stress too much either way I reckon!

cbenoi1 · May 21, 2018

Andy walked the length of the parking lot all the way to his rental. What a disappointment. They gave him a Chevrolet Malibu. Not a bad car all in all, but he had hoped for Ford truck at the very least. Andy knew as soon as he sat down his ride to Houston was going to be uncomfortable. He cranked the seat way back, then pushed it down to its lowest position. He knees cleared the steering wheel by the size of four fingers, which was about about six inches in his case. There was just enough headroom left for his Astros cap.

-cb

How to show, not tell one's height and complexion

MondayNightFrungy

Sage

Supreme Guessinator

Maythe

cornflake

practical experience, FTW

MondayNightFrungy

cornflake

practical experience, FTW

Blinkk

Searching for dragons

MondayNightFrungy

Harlequin

Eat books, not brains!

Maythe

Harlequin

Eat books, not brains!

Maythe

benbenberi

practical experience, FTW

Woollybear

Lakey

professional dilettante

Aggy B.

Not as sweet as you think

Sage

Supreme Guessinator

Alessandra Kelley

Sophipygian

R.A. Lundberg

MondayNightFrungy

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Woollybear

Nerdilydone

Harlequin

Eat books, not brains!

cbenoi1