Paragraphs and compound sentences with different actors

morngnstar

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So, I know that generally you change paragraphs whenever you change which character is speaking or acting. But what about when you have two different characters acting within the same sentence? Something like

Ella tried to grab the blade, but Leah dodged out of the way.

Does this go at the end of Ella's paragraph, the beginning of Leah's paragraph, one of its own, or if the action is fast-paced enough, is it okay to include a number of different actors in one paragraph?
 

Bufty

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I hate questions relating to isolated snippets. :Hug2:

Simple answer to your question -Yes. Position it for clarity and flow.

One subject per sentence usually aids clarity.

Keep within the chosen character POV and that should help. It's not clear what the POV is from your example sentence.
 
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Maryn

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I write only in close third or first person point of view. My rule for both hinges on dialogue. If Susan, my POV character, speaks, her actions, thoughts, back story, memories, hopes, disappointments, and input from her other senses can go in the same paragraph as what she says. The moment Timmy replies, or moves a muscle, a new paragraph is required. Since we're in Susan's POV, we won't know Timmy's thoughts, back story, wishes, etc.

But in sentences and paragraphs that do not involve any dialogue, I allow more than my POV character's actions to be in one paragraph. Susan can take a swing at Timmy, worry that he'll think she's mean, and Timmy can sidestep her fist, all in the same paragraph, no problem.

The issues are different if you're using omniscient POV. There, you may make it clearer for the reader if each character's actions and reactions are separated by paragraph.
 

BethS

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Ella tried to grab the blade, but Leah dodged out of the way.

Does this go at the end of Ella's paragraph, the beginning of Leah's paragraph, one of its own, or if the action is fast-paced enough, is it okay to include a number of different actors in one paragraph?

Hard to tell without seeing a chunk of the surrounding material.
 

Maythe

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I think I it would be stronger as two short sentences anyway, though I agree with the others that it would be useful to see a larger chunk of text.
 

morngnstar

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Ok, guys, I was in a hurry and just made up an example. But now I've had time to look through my WIP and find a real example of where I've done it. It should be obvious, but this is in Alex's POV.

Alex unlocked the door and led Tanya to the bedroom, with what intention, he wasn't sure. An innocent good-night kiss, perhaps? But Alex was afraid of where that might lead. If Tanya took things further, he wouldn't be the one to stop her, wrong as he knew it was.

They stared at each other silently until Alex made a move. "Good night," he said, and started to the door, but Tanya caught his hand. Alex felt a rush of possibility. But as she pulled him back, she pulled herself forward, swapping places.

"No, it's your room," she said. "I go there." She gestured toward the living room. Alex wanted to pull her back, and insist that she take the bed and leave him the couch, but she might misunderstand his intentions.

The two-agent POV is in bold. Alex is acting in the first sentence in that paragraph. Then Alex and Tanya both act in the next sentence. Then we get some internal thoughts from Alex in the third sentence. And in the last, Tanya is acting. It felt natural that way, as it's all a connected series of events.
 

Bufty

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POV is a tad blurry to my eye.

Please forgive my tinkering with it to hopefully strengthen the apparently intended POV of Alex.

But re your specific POV question, I don't see anything wrong with the bolded section.

Kindest, Bufty :Hug2:

Ok, guys, I was in a hurry and just made up an example. But now I've had time to look through my WIP and find a real example of where I've done it. It should be obvious, but this is in Alex's POV.

Alex unlocked the door and led Tanya to the bedroom, with what intention, he wasn't sure. An innocent good-night kiss, perhaps? But Alex was afraid of where might that might lead?]. If Tanya took things further, he wouldn't be the one to stop her, wrong as he knew it was.

They stared at each other silently until Alex made a move. "Good night," he said, and started to the door, but Tanya caught his hand. Alex He felt a rush of possibility.

But as she pulled him back, she pulled herself forward, swapping places.
"No, it's your room," she said. "I go there." She gestured toward the living room.

Alex He wanted to pull her back, and insist that she take the bed and leave him the couch, but she mightwhat if she? misunderstand his intentions.


The two-agent POV is in bold. Alex is acting in the first sentence in that paragraph. Then Alex and Tanya both act in the next sentence. Then we get some internal thoughts from Alex in the third sentence. And in the last, Tanya is acting. It felt natural that way, as it's all a connected series of events.
 
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