Hello all!

Iím looking for a critique on a science fiction story I just finished. This is light sci-fi, so thereís not a lot of technological jargon. If youíre interested, please PM me.

The title is SOULSIFTERS, and itís about 5000 words. Iím willing to read a story or excerpt of around the same length.

The first 191 words are below.

***

Om settled into the proffered seat before Seonu Tae Min, the CEO of Hwado Electronics. Tae Minís bodyguards stared directly at Om, their fingers splayed on the trigger pulls of the assault rifles slung around their shoulders. Om sent a mental command to the soulsifters covering its eyes, and the hardware, shaped like thin glasses, powered on.

Om spoke first. ďThe gift to Lee Ye-Binís equestrian school in Jeju would certainly be appreciated,Ē the alien told the CEO. ďAnd Iím confident sheíll mention it the next time she has the ear of her personal friend, President Kang Eun-So.Ē

Om directed the soulsifters to fill the air around it with spectral probes. The display in the upper right corner flickered, and the power source level dipped from 31% to 30%. A year stranded on Earth, and it had already used three full percentage points of the soulsiftersí energy. Once exhausted, its greatest tool for survival on this foreign world would be gone.

The swirling spectral probes settled around Tae Min. The CEO became translucent under the glassesí lenses, and billions of points of light, the souls occupying his physical space, became visible.