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Thread: Close Third Person

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  1. #19
    Let's see what's on special today.. Bufty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Toto Too View Post
    The more I get used to the POV concept, the more certain sentences and phrases start to catch my eye as suspicious. As an example, something like this (from Sarah's POV):

    Sarah smiled adoringly at her friend.

    Is "adoringly" a little too much outside of Sarah's awareness? (FYI I generally try to use adverbs very sparingly, but I think this one works in the context of this particular scene)
    The answer is indeed context. It all hinges on context and placing. By placing, I mean is it the opening line of a Chapter or buried in subsequent narrative.

    If the 'adoringly' is descriptive of a deliberate action and Sarah has perhaps a known intent to deceive by her smile, that is one thing. If it's simply a device to convey to the reader that Sarah adores her friend- its presence is questionable and depends upon placing.

    And if it's her friend, she would use her name -no? '... at her friend' is your comment, distancing, and makes your presence known as an intrusive narrator. Indeed, if the scene is clearly established, it may not even be necessary to mention at whom she is smiling. Important thing is- does the reader know why she is smiling.

    The answer to questions based on snippets is rarely a simple 'yes' or 'no'.:snoopy
    Last edited by Bufty; 05-17-2018 at 03:49 PM.
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