How to write dialogue interrupted by sound?

Juggernaut · Apr 16, 2018

Hi,

I want to write a sentence where someone is speaking and in the middle of their sentence, a sound is heard, but they keep speaking after the sound is heard.

So, say a teacher is teaching a lesson and while he is speaking a student makes a burping sound but he keeps speaking.

So for example:
Teacher spoke, "In today's lession, we are [burp] going to study ancient history."

What is the proper way to write this?

Thanks!
Paul Sterman
Author of Children's Book: Daddy Versus the Squirrels.
www.daddyversus.com

Roxxsmom · Apr 16, 2018

There are different ways to approach this, and it's largely a matter of style preferences. The way you did it in the last example makes it look like the teacher is burping, however. You need to attribute the belch in some way.

If I wanted to emphasize that a spoken sentence was interrupted midway, I'd probably do it like this:

The teacher said, "In today's lesson, we are"--someone in the second row burped with the gusto and volume only a teenage boy can manage without vomiting--"going to study ancient history."

You could also write:

The teacher said, "In today's lesson, we are"--Buuuuurrrrp, went Brad--"going to study ancient history."

You could also write something like:

The teacher began, "In today's lesson, we are--"

One of the students burped loudly, but the teacher continued without missing a beat, "going to study ancient history."

Or you could write,

Ignoring a loud belch from the second row, the teacher said, "In today's lesson, we are going to study ancient history."

Juggernaut · Apr 16, 2018

Roxxsmom said:
There are different ways to approach this, and it's largely a matter of style preferences. The way you did it in the last example makes it look like the teacher is burping, however. You need to attribute the belch in some way.

If I wanted to emphasize that a spoken sentence was interrupted midway, I'd probably do it like this:

The teacher said, "In today's lesson, we are"--someone in the second row burped with the gusto and volume only a teenage boy can manage without vomiting--"going to study ancient history."

You could also write:

The teacher said, "In today's lesson, we are"--Buuuuurrrrp, went Brad--"going to study ancient history."

You could also write something like:

The teacher began, "In today's lesson, we are--"

One of the students burped loudly, but the teacher continued without missing a beat, "going to study ancient history."

Or you could write,

Ignoring a loud belch from the second row, the teacher said, "In today's lesson, we are going to study ancient history."

Hi Roxxsmom,

That is very helpful. Thanks!

It is a relatively fast paced scene, so I think this example would work nicely for my needs: The teacher said, "In today's lesson, we are"--Buuuuurrrrp, went Brad--"going to study ancient history."

-If it is a sound which is heard over and over again, and from which we are certain of the source, could I eliminate the "went Brad" part? To read as: The teacher said, "In today's lesson, we are"--Buuuuurrrrp--"going to study ancient history."

-Also is it typical convention to use the -- outside the quotes when someone is being interrupted?

Thank you for your time!
Juggernaut

boatman · Apr 16, 2018

Intrigued here.....how does a student's burp compare excitement-wise, with, say, a gun-shot or a thunderclap? Particularly in a fast-paced scene.

neandermagnon · Apr 16, 2018

Juggernaut said:
Hi Roxxsmom,

That is very helpful. Thanks!

It is a relatively fast paced scene, so I think this example would work nicely for my needs: The teacher said, "In today's lesson, we are"--Buuuuurrrrp, went Brad--"going to study ancient history."

-If it is a sound which is heard over and over again, and from which we are certain of the source, could I eliminate the "went Brad" part? To read as: The teacher said, "In today's lesson, we are"--Buuuuurrrrp--"going to study ancient history."

Yes, if you've already established that Brad is repeatedly burping while the teacher's talking.

-Also is it typical convention to use the -- outside the quotes when someone is being interrupted?

It has to be, because everything inside the quotes is what one character is saying. Anything that isn't part of what they're saying has to be outside the quotes. If you leave the burp inside the quotes it'd read like the teacher burped.

BethS · Apr 16, 2018

Juggernaut said:
-Also is it typical convention to use the -- outside the quotes when someone is being interrupted?

It's a style choice. I've seen it done with the em-dashes inside the quotemarks. Which is my preferred method.

BethS · Apr 16, 2018

neandermagnon said:
It has to be, because everything inside the quotes is what one character is saying. Anything that isn't part of what they're saying has to be outside the quotes. If you leave the burp inside the quotes it'd read like the teacher burped.

I think the OP meant the emdashes, not the burping part. So it would look like "Today we are--" someone emitted a resounding burp, "--going to discuss..." etc.

The emdash indicates an interruption of speech, so to my mind, it fits more logically inside the quotemarks than outside. But as I said, it's a style choice.

neandermagnon · Apr 17, 2018

Oh, okay, I misunderstood

Juggernaut · Apr 17, 2018

boatman said:
Intrigued here.....how does a student's burp compare excitement-wise, with, say, a gun-shot or a thunderclap? Particularly in a fast-paced scene.

LOL.

It is burping at the speed of sound, perhaps?

The scene is not fast paced, but the dialogue comes regularly and at a continuous medium pace with the sounds coming throughout the scene.
When it is more complete, I will have to post a sample.

Thanks!

boatman · Apr 17, 2018

Juggernaut said:
LOL.

It is burping at the speed of sound, perhaps?

The scene is not fast paced, but the dialogue comes regularly and at a continuous medium pace with the sounds coming throughout the scene.
When it is more complete, I will have to post a sample.

Thanks!

I must bookmark this, I am even more intrigued how you're weaving a series of burps into a story.
Could it be like a magicians slight of hand, drawing us away from a sneaky denouement?
Or the upcoming revelation of your burper has killer halitosis.

Juggernaut · Jun 16, 2018

Hi guys. Here is a little update. I am still a bit torn as to how to write what I want to write. I have not been able to find any examples of this being done before.
It is sort of crucial for me, since about 15% of the book will have the sound effect listed below - it is a comedy.

1) I will show you the same lines presented in 2 ways. - please let me know which you think accomplishes the goal the best.
2) The situation is that someone is speaking, while someone is off to the side, burping repeatedly
3) The person speaking is not burping, but is having what he says being interrupted repeatedly by the other person burping
4) The goal is to be funny and to have the reader feel interrupted the way the speaker is being interrupted; hence I am very hesitant to just "tell" that the speaker is being interrupted while he speaks, because I think it is much more funny to show it.
5) That being said I don't want it to be too difficult to read.

Example 1:

"I graduated from NYU Medical-" Burp. "School and I did my pathology residency at Weill Cornell Medical Center. I have been working in the city's department of pathology for the past-" Burp. "ten years as the senior pathologist."
********************

Example 2:

"I graduated from NYU Medical-"
Burp.
"School and I did my pathology residency at Weill Cornell Medical Center. I have been working in the city's department of pathology for the past-"
Burp.
"ten years as the senior pathologist."

mpack · Jun 16, 2018

Juggernaut said:
-Also is it typical convention to use the -- outside the quotes when someone is being interrupted?

To my understanding, the em-dash inside the quote indicates an actual interruption in speech. The speaker does not continue until the interruption is completed.

An em-dash outside of the quotes suggests the speaker continues speaking during the interrupting sound. The em-dash sets of the simultaneous action.

I would write your example:

"I graduated from NYU Medical" -- Burp -- "School and I did my pathology residency at Weill Cornell Medical Center. I have been working in the city's department of pathology for the past" -- Burp -- "ten years as the senior pathologist."

bearilou · Jun 18, 2018

I'd brain anyone who consistently interrupted someone with obnoxious burping.

Apropos of nothing. Carry on.

Bufty · Jun 18, 2018

I thought it was the speaker who was burping.

Juggernaut · Mar 3, 2020

Bufty said:
I thought it was the speaker who was burping.

Bufty. No, in this case the person speaking is not the person burping - their dialogue is being interrupted by the burping.

When I get enough posts, I will probably post my query letter so people can see what it is really about.

Thanks!

Juggernaut · Mar 3, 2020

bearilou said:
I'd brain anyone who consistently interrupted someone with obnoxious burping.

Apropos of nothing. Carry on.

LOL. True, but in there story there is a method to this madness, which I hope people will find very funny.

Maryn · Mar 3, 2020

With the understanding that I'm strictly old-school, I'd do it more like Example 2 but differently than it did.

When dialogue is interrupted, it's with an em-dash (or two hyphens) inside the quotation marks. If the person self-interrupts--say the person speaking is the one burping--you continue the dialogue post-interruption in the same paragraph. If the interruption is a sound or action from someone other than the one speaking the interrupted dialogue, you break for a new paragraph. When dialogue is resumed after the interruption, it's with a second emdash inside the quotation marks.

"I graduated from NYU Medical--"
Burp.
"--School and I did my pathology residency at Weill Cornell Medical Center. I have been working in the city's department of pathology for the past--"
Burp.
"--ten years as the senior pathologist."

Maryn, rigid on this and ever so much else

How to write dialogue interrupted by sound?

Juggernaut

Roxxsmom

Beastly Fido

Juggernaut

boatman

neandermagnon

Nolite timere, consilium callidum habeo!

BethS

BethS

neandermagnon

Nolite timere, consilium callidum habeo!

Juggernaut

boatman

Juggernaut

mpack

Swooping is bad.

bearilou

DenturePunk writer

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Juggernaut

Juggernaut

Maryn

Baaa!