Advice on Show vs Tell - the journey begins

MaeZe · Apr 20, 2018

Juggernaut said:
Hi Jeff.

What about when it comes to sound effects?

For example, is it better to "Tell" that something made a banging sound or is it better to write out the actual sound (to show)?

Take a burp for example. Is it better to just say someone burped or to maybe have them "say" the sound - "BURP" or "BBBUUUURRRP"?

Thanks!
Juggernaut

I'm not Jeff but, I believe that is a style choice, whichever one fits best within the story style.

BethS · Apr 20, 2018

Juggernaut said:
For example, is it better to "Tell" that something made a banging sound or is it better to write out the actual sound (to show)?

Take a burp for example. Is it better to just say someone burped or to maybe have them "say" the sound - "BURP" or "BBBUUUURRRP"?

Just say it. Onomatopoeia has its very occasional uses, but for the most part, you just want to say someone burped.

neandermagnon · Apr 21, 2018

Juggernaut said:
Hi Jeff.

What about when it comes to sound effects?

For example, is it better to "Tell" that something made a banging sound or is it better to write out the actual sound (to show)?

Take a burp for example. Is it better to just say someone burped or to maybe have them "say" the sound - "BURP" or "BBBUUUURRRP"?

Thanks!
Juggernaut

It depends on the target audience. I've seen David Walliams use the kind of onomatopoeia bolded above very effectively. His target audience is age 8-11 or thereabouts (going by what shelf the book was on in the bookshop - personally I think his age range appeal is a lot wider). In a literary novel aimed at adults who consider themselves to be deep thinking intellectuals, it probably won't fly so well. (But you never know...)

indianroads · Apr 21, 2018

Juggernaut said:
Hi Jeff.

What about when it comes to sound effects?

For example, is it better to "Tell" that something made a banging sound or is it better to write out the actual sound (to show)?

Take a burp for example. Is it better to just say someone burped or to maybe have them "say" the sound - "BURP" or "BBBUUUURRRP"?

Thanks!
Juggernaut

How does that sound affect your POV character? Were they startled, annoyed, disgusted, or impressed ("Hmm... good base tones there Bruno"). The sound itself should certainly be described, but the POV character's reaction might be more relevant to the story.

Toto Too · May 4, 2018

BethS said:
Excellent article by author Patricia Wrede on the subject. Particularly pertinent is this passage (bolding is mine):
The first problem I nearly always run into when I’m arguing with someone about this is that they don’t understand that “Jake stumbled out of bed, shut off his alarm, and sleep-walked through his morning routine” counts as “showing” just as much as saying “Jake stumbled out of bed in the general direction of the alarm. He got the alarm shut off after three tries, then shuffled into the bathroom. He turned the shower on and brushed his teeth while the water warmed up. He had time for a longer one than usual this morning, which almost made the damned alarm worthwhile. He was contemplating, in a groggy sleep-soaked fashion, whether to shave or pretend for the rest of the day that he was growing a beard, when the scent of coffee penetrated to the bathroom.”

The two descriptions have different levels of detail, but they are both “showing” what Jake is doing in the morning. The “telling” version is “Jake had a hard time getting up in the morning.” In other words, “telling the reader” means giving the reader the conclusion they would draw, without giving them any of the actions or thoughts or descriptions that would lead them to that conclusion.

The bolded part is fantastic. I've read a lot about showing vs. telling, but something about the wording in that quote really clicked. My 1st WIP is already improved because of it.

Thank you!

Advice on Show vs Tell - the journey begins

MaeZe

BethS

neandermagnon

Nolite timere, consilium callidum habeo!

indianroads

Wherever I go, there I am.

Toto Too