“How do you think that makes me feel?” he snapped.
The silence hung in the air. She wrote her observations in a small spiral notebook.
[The shinny purplish-pink anodized metal of the notebook's coiling caught Vince’s eye. The iridescent spiral rings were hypnotic changing color as the notebook moved in her hands. His thoughts floated to a distant time.]
The bracketed sentence is what I would like to write but it isn't pleasant to read. I think one sentence would be better. Probably overwritten.
This is what I came up with. It's not as descriptive.
The shiny purplish-pink metal coils caught Vince’s eye, hypnotizing him with their slight changes of color. His mind floated to a distant time.
The silence hung in the air. She wrote her observations in a small spiral notebook.
[The shinny purplish-pink anodized metal of the notebook's coiling caught Vince’s eye. The iridescent spiral rings were hypnotic changing color as the notebook moved in her hands. His thoughts floated to a distant time.]
The bracketed sentence is what I would like to write but it isn't pleasant to read. I think one sentence would be better. Probably overwritten.
This is what I came up with. It's not as descriptive.
The shiny purplish-pink metal coils caught Vince’s eye, hypnotizing him with their slight changes of color. His mind floated to a distant time.