I have included a short bit of info regarding the story.
Where the trouble starts comes from the tight "in the skin" POV of the characters The main character Vince needs a POV. Charlotte needs one as well as her character leads the subplot. The antagonists, the president and his chief of staff need POVs as well. An undocumented citizen, Luis who is facing deportation because of the president's agenda, needs one. The kidnapper needs one. And the terrorists need one. Eh! How many is that 7 or 8. Some can be condensed into one character. I do not know how to rewrite these characters without their POV. Let me correct that statement. I of course can rewrite them but they feel empty and the story loses something. Their memories are lost. I use flashbacks a lot throughout the story. It's part of the theme. We were able to get in the heads of these character's and now unless I am missing something they will be plain 3rd person characters.
Any ideas? I am really having trouble.
A washed up rock star faced with moral conflictions must flee L.A. after an Apocalyptic terror attack.
A washed up rock star living a difficult existence is forced to flee for his life after an apocalyptic terror attack strikes Los Angeles. Every citizens of Los Angeles aims for the same goal, get out of the city. Vince, the rock star has one thing very few others do not. A motorcycle. His is able to move about the city quicker than anyone else. The stress of the terror attack causes a relapse after 18 years of sobriety resulting in an accident, which takes the life of pedestrian. Vince's battle becomes a moral challenge between confessing to the hit and run or a one way ticket back to his hometown of London. The president uses the attacks (by four U.S. citizens) as a catalyst to begin tackling the always controversial issue of immigration. What begins as a deportation of illegals turns into a deportation of anyone unable to speak English or darker skin than the president’s. After two failed attempts to turn himself in to the authorities Vince chooses to flee to London and start over. Upon arriving at the airport his U.S. passport is confiscated because his is an immigrant and at the time all immigrants face deportation. He is happy to have a free ticket home but upon arriving he London he is denied access leaving him stateless. His moral dilemma is challenged again by a longtime friend who pushes him to do what is right and confess to the crime of hit and run while drunk.
The subplot leads the reader through the dark ways of a bigoted president. Charlotte his press secretary learns of the president's true plans and threaten to go public with the information she knows. The president has her abducted. She is given a choice to reamain silent and live or speak up and die. She choses to live causing a constant battle within herself.
Characters
Vince Waite– Washed up rock star, lost in life, now fleeing a city he has called home for 30 years.
Vince Waite has had enough. The terror attack and his obsolete career sends he fleeing from the mayhem of Los Angeles. He wants to reach to London, but feels the need to be a good person. After the terror attacks he falls from an eighteen-year streak of sobriety. While in a total black out he hits a woman who happens to be a Muslim and she dies. The battle between a one way ticket to London and facing the punishment of his crime is a constant battle. After a two failed attempts to turn himself in to the authorities he decides it is best to start fresh in London and live out his life atoning for his sins, but free. The deportations from the president become so outstretched that they impact Vince upon departure. He is flagged and denaturalized of his US citizenship. At first this does not seem to be a problem because Vince is desperate to leave the country. Upon arriving in London he realizes his is stateless and without a home. He makes a break for escape and succeeds. Vince lives three months in hiding in London until he is contacting from a friend from the past. A woman with the answers to his problems. She owes him money. After reuniting the two friends become close on a platonic level and Vince confides in her. The story of the dead Muslim from the hit and run leaves her pushing Vince to return to the States to pay for his crimes. Vince at this point is comfortable, he has money, and has put the past behind him. Opening Pandora’s box is not something Vince is going to willing accept. His epiphany comes when he views a YouTube video of a woman with much more to lose than he, sacrificing everything for justice.
President Charles Palmer – POTUS, out for himself, and to change the country back to a pre-Vietnam America
Charles Palmer received an education from Yale. He finished top five of his class. He has a genius IQ which is an asset and also a hindrance. He always thought of himself as rich. His father owned a string of art galleries along the east coast leaving Charles to never go without. Only after meeting societies truly elite while in college at Yale did he realize that his family had no money at all. He came from a family of art hustlers with high intellect and charming personalities. This charisma allowed Charles to easy break the boundaries of financial cast assimilating into the upper echelon of the truly wealthy. His low self-esteem issues presented as arrogance constantly pushes Charles to achieve more. After becoming Governor of Florida he set his goals higher aiming for the Presidency of the United States. He ran his campaign as a Republican and Constitutionalist. Through insecurities and a genius intellect he believes he knows what is best for the country. His wants to transform America to a pre-Vietnam environment takes precedence over all else. In his mind this will grant him respect and immortality, filling the void he was never able to fill. His insecurities destroy him. He tramples upon the Constitution deporting first illegal citizens, but within no time anyone with darker skin than his. He preys on those without the ability to speak English or those not born in America.
John Witherspoon – Chief of Staff, met the president when hired on as advisor while Charles served as Governor of Florida
John is a clone of President Charles Palmer, sharing his ideals. His ability to hide in the shadows acts as the strong arm of the president. He has desires of his own but for now serves the president. I think he needs a personal agenda different than the president or we end up with the same character only a tougher less accountable version of the president. His character needs some work. My thought is to make this character the main antagonist telling the story through his eyes. The character of the president will somewhat become only a figure head of John’s puppetry. It will make him deeper remove one of the POV characters (President Charles). John being once removed from the spotlight can act with more reckless abandonment than the president. All of the president’s genius, education, insecurities, can be written through the character of John. Something similar to the character in House of cards. I forget his name but the character that carries out Frank Underwood’s dirty work. John can be the puppeteer but the president has to remain responsible for the violation so when all of their damage is exposed both take the fall.
Charlotte Wilson – Press Secretary appointed by the president and Chief of Staff John
Charlotte is a good woman with principals. She is caught between obeying the president, defiling the Civil Rights of every American and doing what she knows to be morally righteous. After refusing to follow the president’s agenda she is kidnapped and scared silent. Her guilt eats at her and she cannot remain silent any longer. The president has her watched at all times. She cannot go to the media. After a well planned cunning escape from the eyes of the president’s watchdog’s she posts a YouTube video confessing to her silence and the crimes of the President and Chief of Staff John Witherspoon. Her confession goes virial reaching Vince and Ronda. Vince makes the decision to turn himself in through a similar YouTube confession.
Mrs. Wilson - Charlotte’s mother
Mrs. Wilson’s character most likely can be eliminated and seen through the eyes of her daughter, Charlotte. It may be difficult to rewrite this I don’t know. As of now her only desire is the safety of her daughter. Charlotte and Mrs. Wilson have a close relationship. They share coffee each morning after Charlotte’s morning job, but when Charlotte fails to show because of her abduction Mrs. Wilson begins to worry. After the first day passes and there is no sign of Charlotte Mrs. Wilson takes matters into her own hands. She remember Charlotte had an experimental tracking device implanted into her hand. It is a tough balancing act since Charlotte expressed such secrecy when volunteering for the experimental chip. Mrs. Wilson trusts the wrong person and the captor’s learn of Charlotte secret tracking device.
Dr. Parlova – Doctor who implanted chip
Caleb Rank – The Rank of “Rank and Wheeler Investigative Services,”
Caleb is a massive military trained mercenary flying under the flag of investigator. He spent nearly twenty years in the military taking order for the majority of his life. He now wants the life of the rich and famous he follows and investigates. He is tired of taking orders and seeks wealth and freedom. He wants to be the rich and famous.
Jackie Wheeler – The Wheeler of “Rank and Wheeler Investigative Services”
Jackie is the yang of Caleb. Motivated by money he possesses a darker side. He almost enjoys the mercenary work. He likes the hunt and takes pride in his efficiency. After abducting Charlotte he wants to kill her. He is instructed by Chief of Staff John Witherspoon to allow Charlotte to live. To remind her of him and his constant never ending surveillance of her he severs Charlotte’s toe, telling her, “I will always be watching you. Just in case you have a moment of consciousness and decide to discuss what you know of the president with the media.”
Ronda the Honda – Vince’s friend and stocktrader who up and vanished one evening eighteen years earlier
Ronda was a partying and stock trading machine. She is fanatical about everything she does. At a time 2000 when female traders were not common she stands alone as one of the greatest traders in New York. She is beyond unique having little desire for what most traders crave. She does not dress to impress, has a modest apartment, but lives for the notoriety. After an issue of insider trading and stock manipulation complied with tax evasion she vanishes from New York never to be heard from again. Well not until Vince receives a call eighteen years later. She claims she has gone sober and is righting her wrongs. She owes Vince one point one million dollar and intends to pay him back.
Governor Banks – Governor of California –
William H. Banks is a Native to California, democrat, wants what is best for the country and more importantly his state. An affair from eight years earlier haunts him when the president blackmails him into carrying out his orders for deportation. The conflict forces Governor Banks to resign. Or… up the stakes and he battles his demons between exposing the president and sacrificing his family to the news of his infidelity which produced a love child Roberto who is now seven years old. The governor is responsible and sends one hundred thousand dollars a year to the woman Jesse he had an affair with eight years earlier.
Lucas – Terrorists
Lucas Jr. – Lucas’ son - terrorists
Nicholas – Lucas’ second son - terrorists
A.G. Richard – Attorney General
Luis – Deportee
Victoria – Luis’ daughter
Where the trouble starts comes from the tight "in the skin" POV of the characters The main character Vince needs a POV. Charlotte needs one as well as her character leads the subplot. The antagonists, the president and his chief of staff need POVs as well. An undocumented citizen, Luis who is facing deportation because of the president's agenda, needs one. The kidnapper needs one. And the terrorists need one. Eh! How many is that 7 or 8. Some can be condensed into one character. I do not know how to rewrite these characters without their POV. Let me correct that statement. I of course can rewrite them but they feel empty and the story loses something. Their memories are lost. I use flashbacks a lot throughout the story. It's part of the theme. We were able to get in the heads of these character's and now unless I am missing something they will be plain 3rd person characters.
Any ideas? I am really having trouble.
A washed up rock star faced with moral conflictions must flee L.A. after an Apocalyptic terror attack.
A washed up rock star living a difficult existence is forced to flee for his life after an apocalyptic terror attack strikes Los Angeles. Every citizens of Los Angeles aims for the same goal, get out of the city. Vince, the rock star has one thing very few others do not. A motorcycle. His is able to move about the city quicker than anyone else. The stress of the terror attack causes a relapse after 18 years of sobriety resulting in an accident, which takes the life of pedestrian. Vince's battle becomes a moral challenge between confessing to the hit and run or a one way ticket back to his hometown of London. The president uses the attacks (by four U.S. citizens) as a catalyst to begin tackling the always controversial issue of immigration. What begins as a deportation of illegals turns into a deportation of anyone unable to speak English or darker skin than the president’s. After two failed attempts to turn himself in to the authorities Vince chooses to flee to London and start over. Upon arriving at the airport his U.S. passport is confiscated because his is an immigrant and at the time all immigrants face deportation. He is happy to have a free ticket home but upon arriving he London he is denied access leaving him stateless. His moral dilemma is challenged again by a longtime friend who pushes him to do what is right and confess to the crime of hit and run while drunk.
The subplot leads the reader through the dark ways of a bigoted president. Charlotte his press secretary learns of the president's true plans and threaten to go public with the information she knows. The president has her abducted. She is given a choice to reamain silent and live or speak up and die. She choses to live causing a constant battle within herself.
Characters
Vince Waite– Washed up rock star, lost in life, now fleeing a city he has called home for 30 years.
Vince Waite has had enough. The terror attack and his obsolete career sends he fleeing from the mayhem of Los Angeles. He wants to reach to London, but feels the need to be a good person. After the terror attacks he falls from an eighteen-year streak of sobriety. While in a total black out he hits a woman who happens to be a Muslim and she dies. The battle between a one way ticket to London and facing the punishment of his crime is a constant battle. After a two failed attempts to turn himself in to the authorities he decides it is best to start fresh in London and live out his life atoning for his sins, but free. The deportations from the president become so outstretched that they impact Vince upon departure. He is flagged and denaturalized of his US citizenship. At first this does not seem to be a problem because Vince is desperate to leave the country. Upon arriving in London he realizes his is stateless and without a home. He makes a break for escape and succeeds. Vince lives three months in hiding in London until he is contacting from a friend from the past. A woman with the answers to his problems. She owes him money. After reuniting the two friends become close on a platonic level and Vince confides in her. The story of the dead Muslim from the hit and run leaves her pushing Vince to return to the States to pay for his crimes. Vince at this point is comfortable, he has money, and has put the past behind him. Opening Pandora’s box is not something Vince is going to willing accept. His epiphany comes when he views a YouTube video of a woman with much more to lose than he, sacrificing everything for justice.
President Charles Palmer – POTUS, out for himself, and to change the country back to a pre-Vietnam America
Charles Palmer received an education from Yale. He finished top five of his class. He has a genius IQ which is an asset and also a hindrance. He always thought of himself as rich. His father owned a string of art galleries along the east coast leaving Charles to never go without. Only after meeting societies truly elite while in college at Yale did he realize that his family had no money at all. He came from a family of art hustlers with high intellect and charming personalities. This charisma allowed Charles to easy break the boundaries of financial cast assimilating into the upper echelon of the truly wealthy. His low self-esteem issues presented as arrogance constantly pushes Charles to achieve more. After becoming Governor of Florida he set his goals higher aiming for the Presidency of the United States. He ran his campaign as a Republican and Constitutionalist. Through insecurities and a genius intellect he believes he knows what is best for the country. His wants to transform America to a pre-Vietnam environment takes precedence over all else. In his mind this will grant him respect and immortality, filling the void he was never able to fill. His insecurities destroy him. He tramples upon the Constitution deporting first illegal citizens, but within no time anyone with darker skin than his. He preys on those without the ability to speak English or those not born in America.
John Witherspoon – Chief of Staff, met the president when hired on as advisor while Charles served as Governor of Florida
John is a clone of President Charles Palmer, sharing his ideals. His ability to hide in the shadows acts as the strong arm of the president. He has desires of his own but for now serves the president. I think he needs a personal agenda different than the president or we end up with the same character only a tougher less accountable version of the president. His character needs some work. My thought is to make this character the main antagonist telling the story through his eyes. The character of the president will somewhat become only a figure head of John’s puppetry. It will make him deeper remove one of the POV characters (President Charles). John being once removed from the spotlight can act with more reckless abandonment than the president. All of the president’s genius, education, insecurities, can be written through the character of John. Something similar to the character in House of cards. I forget his name but the character that carries out Frank Underwood’s dirty work. John can be the puppeteer but the president has to remain responsible for the violation so when all of their damage is exposed both take the fall.
Charlotte Wilson – Press Secretary appointed by the president and Chief of Staff John
Charlotte is a good woman with principals. She is caught between obeying the president, defiling the Civil Rights of every American and doing what she knows to be morally righteous. After refusing to follow the president’s agenda she is kidnapped and scared silent. Her guilt eats at her and she cannot remain silent any longer. The president has her watched at all times. She cannot go to the media. After a well planned cunning escape from the eyes of the president’s watchdog’s she posts a YouTube video confessing to her silence and the crimes of the President and Chief of Staff John Witherspoon. Her confession goes virial reaching Vince and Ronda. Vince makes the decision to turn himself in through a similar YouTube confession.
Mrs. Wilson - Charlotte’s mother
Mrs. Wilson’s character most likely can be eliminated and seen through the eyes of her daughter, Charlotte. It may be difficult to rewrite this I don’t know. As of now her only desire is the safety of her daughter. Charlotte and Mrs. Wilson have a close relationship. They share coffee each morning after Charlotte’s morning job, but when Charlotte fails to show because of her abduction Mrs. Wilson begins to worry. After the first day passes and there is no sign of Charlotte Mrs. Wilson takes matters into her own hands. She remember Charlotte had an experimental tracking device implanted into her hand. It is a tough balancing act since Charlotte expressed such secrecy when volunteering for the experimental chip. Mrs. Wilson trusts the wrong person and the captor’s learn of Charlotte secret tracking device.
Dr. Parlova – Doctor who implanted chip
Caleb Rank – The Rank of “Rank and Wheeler Investigative Services,”
Caleb is a massive military trained mercenary flying under the flag of investigator. He spent nearly twenty years in the military taking order for the majority of his life. He now wants the life of the rich and famous he follows and investigates. He is tired of taking orders and seeks wealth and freedom. He wants to be the rich and famous.
Jackie Wheeler – The Wheeler of “Rank and Wheeler Investigative Services”
Jackie is the yang of Caleb. Motivated by money he possesses a darker side. He almost enjoys the mercenary work. He likes the hunt and takes pride in his efficiency. After abducting Charlotte he wants to kill her. He is instructed by Chief of Staff John Witherspoon to allow Charlotte to live. To remind her of him and his constant never ending surveillance of her he severs Charlotte’s toe, telling her, “I will always be watching you. Just in case you have a moment of consciousness and decide to discuss what you know of the president with the media.”
Ronda the Honda – Vince’s friend and stocktrader who up and vanished one evening eighteen years earlier
Ronda was a partying and stock trading machine. She is fanatical about everything she does. At a time 2000 when female traders were not common she stands alone as one of the greatest traders in New York. She is beyond unique having little desire for what most traders crave. She does not dress to impress, has a modest apartment, but lives for the notoriety. After an issue of insider trading and stock manipulation complied with tax evasion she vanishes from New York never to be heard from again. Well not until Vince receives a call eighteen years later. She claims she has gone sober and is righting her wrongs. She owes Vince one point one million dollar and intends to pay him back.
Governor Banks – Governor of California –
William H. Banks is a Native to California, democrat, wants what is best for the country and more importantly his state. An affair from eight years earlier haunts him when the president blackmails him into carrying out his orders for deportation. The conflict forces Governor Banks to resign. Or… up the stakes and he battles his demons between exposing the president and sacrificing his family to the news of his infidelity which produced a love child Roberto who is now seven years old. The governor is responsible and sends one hundred thousand dollars a year to the woman Jesse he had an affair with eight years earlier.
Lucas – Terrorists
Lucas Jr. – Lucas’ son - terrorists
Nicholas – Lucas’ second son - terrorists
A.G. Richard – Attorney General
Luis – Deportee
Victoria – Luis’ daughter
