Trying to figure out my angle

Cindy From Oregon

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Good morning! I'd like some perspective on an issue that's been driving me nuts since I started writing my ms. It started with an idea that came to me while I brushed my teeth. What if... a girl turned invisible because she needed to, desperately? Where did she get this ability? So, I worked all that out, and started on my story. Then I took an online class on writing novels, and the instructor said my MC HAD TO have a character flaw to overcome.

Well, I was just going to have her puzzle out where she got her powers, but all right... so I added a character flaw and a plotline about it. I really enjoyed developing both the story (the emotional, overcoming the character flaw part) and the plot (where more of the action/adventure lived).

My problem came when I finished it (hah- I'm on my millionth revision, but who's counting?) and started trying to write query letters. If I query the emotional arc - lonely little girl seeks new best friend - there's no hook, and it's been done a million times. If I query the hook (which begins on page one and builds but doesn't actually happen until page 50 of a 130-page ms) then the question is, what's the flaw, and how does the character grow?

Now, look out, because I'm going to use Harry Potter here - in HP1, Harry's learning all the wizardry stuff isn't his growth. It's his overcoming his lack of self-confidence. But I'm pretty sure JKR pitched the wizardry stuff. (Not that I'm putting me/mine in that league. It's just an example.)

So, what do I query? I've tried writing a query incorporating both the story and the plot, but it comes out so muddled! Any suggestions/insights?
 

cornflake

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Good morning! I'd like some perspective on an issue that's been driving me nuts since I started writing my ms. It started with an idea that came to me while I brushed my teeth. What if... a girl turned invisible because she needed to, desperately? Where did she get this ability? So, I worked all that out, and started on my story. Then I took an online class on writing novels, and the instructor said my MC HAD TO have a character flaw to overcome.

Well, I was just going to have her puzzle out where she got her powers, but all right... so I added a character flaw and a plotline about it. I really enjoyed developing both the story (the emotional, overcoming the character flaw part) and the plot (where more of the action/adventure lived).

My problem came when I finished it (hah- I'm on my millionth revision, but who's counting?) and started trying to write query letters. If I query the emotional arc - lonely little girl seeks new best friend - there's no hook, and it's been done a million times. If I query the hook (which begins on page one and builds but doesn't actually happen until page 50 of a 130-page ms) then the question is, what's the flaw, and how does the character grow?

Now, look out, because I'm going to use Harry Potter here - in HP1, Harry's learning all the wizardry stuff isn't his growth. It's his overcoming his lack of self-confidence. But I'm pretty sure JKR pitched the wizardry stuff. (Not that I'm putting me/mine in that league. It's just an example.)

So, what do I query? I've tried writing a query incorporating both the story and the plot, but it comes out so muddled! Any suggestions/insights?

Have you been in Query Letter Hell? There are plenty of stickies, a bunch of queries in progress, and someplace several pages deep, a thread containing queries to many famous works, including a bunch of variations on Harry Potter. Once you've got 50 posts you'll be free to post your own for help, but until then you cam read, critique others, etc. Password is vista.
 

GeneBWell

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I actually had this exact problem! Or one very much like it, depending on if I'm understanding your predicament correctly or not.

My MS involves cooking magic and talking animal companions. However, at first the actual plot was about a girl overcoming class prejudice. I had a heck of a time trying to shoe-horn mentions of the magical gimmick into the query because my MC's arc was completely divorced from that concept.

It took me a lot of time to come to terms with what the problem was: my magic WAS just a gimmick. It was just something I had put in to make the story cool and unique, but the story itself was about something completely different. What I did to fix it was smoosh the two together. Now the MC's emotional arc is completely tied to her magic and her relationship with her talking animal partner. I'm having a much easier time coming up with a query, because in describing the conflict I'm naturally also describing the hook of the book.

So, assuming you're in a similar boat, all I can say is you need to write a plot in which your character's invisibility and her desire to make a new best friend are inseparably connected. Otherwise you're always going to have that disconnect. Using the Harry Potter example; it would be very difficult to describe Harry's search for answers about himself, his parents, or his investigation of the plot threatening the school without also mentioning magic and wizard society.

A query can't cover two plots, so smoosh them together and make it one plot. That's my 2 cents.
 

heza

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I agree with Gene. The best queries I see have a surface, physical story, as well as an underlying emotional arc. The emotional arc has stakes that are related to the main, physical story stakes.

So for example, the MC in one of my stories has to solve clockwork traps to save her people; at the same time, she's overcoming generations of stigma her family has reaped by being not very good inventors.
 

Cindy From Oregon

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Thank you both! I had not discovered QLH, so thanks for directing me there, and thanks for some help in getting perspective.

The story really is about her magical powers, and the quest for friendship, while important, is the sub-plot.
 

playground

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I actually had this exact problem! Or one very much like it, depending on if I'm understanding your predicament correctly or not.

My MS involves cooking magic and talking animal companions. However, at first the actual plot was about a girl overcoming class prejudice. I had a heck of a time trying to shoe-horn mentions of the magical gimmick into the query because my MC's arc was completely divorced from that concept.

It took me a lot of time to come to terms with what the problem was: my magic WAS just a gimmick. It was just something I had put in to make the story cool and unique, but the story itself was about something completely different. What I did to fix it was smoosh the two together. Now the MC's emotional arc is completely tied to her magic and her relationship with her talking animal partner. I'm having a much easier time coming up with a query, because in describing the conflict I'm naturally also describing the hook of the book.

So, assuming you're in a similar boat, all I can say is you need to write a plot in which your character's invisibility and her desire to make a new best friend are inseparably connected. Otherwise you're always going to have that disconnect. Using the Harry Potter example; it would be very difficult to describe Harry's search for answers about himself, his parents, or his investigation of the plot threatening the school without also mentioning magic and wizard society.

A query can't cover two plots, so smoosh them together and make it one plot. That's my 2 cents.


And building on the Harry Potter example, the whole magical world is intricate to the plot. Harry always felt out-of-place and like he wasn't special but in actuality there was this whole world where he didn't only fit in but was also the most popular person basically.
 

Supergirlofnc

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Could the book be magical realism? If so, I wonder if the turning invisible needs to be explained? It seems like it could be a symptom of being lonely and wanting a friend. She turns invisible because she feels invisible. I will echo those above, though, put it up in query letter hell and see what people think!
 

Zaziki Sauce

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This is my impression after reading many query tips: Focus on the emotional story of your character, but be SPECIFIC. What does your MC want? What is in the way? What are the stakes if your MC fails? A lot of novels have similar themes, but the specifics of their universes are what separate them apart.
 

maghranimal

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Good morning! I'd like some perspective on an issue that's been driving me nuts since I started writing my ms. It started with an idea that came to me while I brushed my teeth. What if... a girl turned invisible because she needed to, desperately? Where did she get this ability? So, I worked all that out, and started on my story. Then I took an online class on writing novels, and the instructor said my MC HAD TO have a character flaw to overcome.

Well, I was just going to have her puzzle out where she got her powers, but all right... so I added a character flaw and a plotline about it. I really enjoyed developing both the story (the emotional, overcoming the character flaw part) and the plot (where more of the action/adventure lived).

My problem came when I finished it (hah- I'm on my millionth revision, but who's counting?) and started trying to write query letters. If I query the emotional arc - lonely little girl seeks new best friend - there's no hook, and it's been done a million times. If I query the hook (which begins on page one and builds but doesn't actually happen until page 50 of a 130-page ms) then the question is, what's the flaw, and how does the character grow?

Now, look out, because I'm going to use Harry Potter here - in HP1, Harry's learning all the wizardry stuff isn't his growth. It's his overcoming his lack of self-confidence. But I'm pretty sure JKR pitched the wizardry stuff. (Not that I'm putting me/mine in that league. It's just an example.)

So, what do I query? I've tried writing a query incorporating both the story and the plot, but it comes out so muddled! Any suggestions/insights?


Hey Cindy, please check out this successful query for a MG magical realism that sounds similar to yours (both involve vanishing). It might be helpful:

http://agentqueryconnect.com/index.php?/topic/19028-3-agent-offers-and-12-requests-for-full/