Question regarding intimate (sex) scene in general fiction

I can't speak for all writers, but if I put an intimate scene in a story, I've included it for a reason. I think it needs to be there, because things that are shown during that scene advance the story and/or contribute to characterization etc. The level of detail I choose (and the kind of language I use to describe the activities) will be affected by the viewpoint and voice of the piece and on the emotional feel I'm going for. Writing two versions of the same scene, one rated PG and one rated R, would feel odd to me. I can't say I've run across any publisher or author who has done this, but maybe some have, now that e-books make it easier to do that kind of thing.

Readers, of course, are free to skim or skip any scene they like if reading about the activities it contains bores them or makes them uncomfortable.

You don't have to focus on the literal mechanics of what's happening. There are emotions and internal conflict to explore, you can have a field day with metaphors, you can focus on the sensual aspects (touching) in a non-X-rated way.

The scene doesn't have to be a graphic play-by-play - in fact, if your character's POV and tone of the book doesn't support this, I would advise against it, because it will shock the reader.

I generally prefer smutty books, but I have read some YA that was technically squeaky clean and still blew my mind because of the way authors used emotional tension to build up to a little hand-holding or kiss.

The actual release of tension provided by a sex scene doesn't necessarily require a graphic description - a huge part of the weight it can pull will be determined by little details before the event, like characters touching, noticing each other, working on all the senses beforehand.

On a side note, I thought about having two different "versions" of the book or, if the technology exists, allowing the reader to choose whether they want to read the erotic scenes in depth or skip them.

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You could probably get really clever with an ebook and craft something choose-your-own-adventure style with links.

But ultimately, if you can take the sex out, does it need to be there? If skimping on it does a disservice to the story, no need to apologize for its inclusion. The only responsibility I think an author has in this is correctly foreshadowing the explicitness of content - e.g., your book can't read PG and then you suddenly drop urban dictionary-only vocabulary and paint the walls with bodily fluids. Tone-matching and foreshadowing (along with proper marketing/categories/etc.) SHOULD be enough to signal to readers if the work is to their tastes.

The context, of both the scene and the entire story, should make it clear that the scene is not there to titillate the reader, but to explicate character. If it serves a story/character purpose, put it in. It doesn't have to be a mechanical, movement-by-movement description, but presumably you'll include whatever's relevant to the character moment you're intending to illustrate.

The mechanics of sex are boring.

The idea of sex is exciting.

If you are concerned about the readers' reactions, then I think you need to ask yourself first: what audience am I writing this for? What genre am I writing in? Are sex scenes allowed, or frowned upon? If the audience and the genre are okay with them, half of your problem is solved.

The rest is up to you and you only. If you feel comfortable with it, if you feel that this is where the story naturally goes, that this is what the story organically needs, then follow your gut. Write it. See if you like it. See if it fits. You can always take it out.

I, personally, don't think that intimate/sex scenes absolutely need to have an ironclad purpose, while other scenes get a pass. They all have to advance the plot, reveal the characters, show the setting, you name it. They exist in a story, not in a vacuum.

I will always have quite a few of intimate/erotic/sexual scenes. I think they are a fantastic tool if they can be made to serve other purpose besides a basic confirmation of sexual/romantic attraction.

I don't think other scenes get pass at all.

Every scene has to have a point, or why have you written it? If your characters leave a scene the exact same as they entered it, it's probably superfluous.

Not necessarily. Sometimes a scene is there to show a particular aspect of the setting. Sometimes it’s there to present a character’s mindset or mood.

Of course every scene needs to have a point – I don’t think anyone here disagrees with that.

I'm moving this to Novels, since it's not really a BWQ.

Do take a look at this sticky: How to Write sex scenes

It's in Share Your Work, and the password is vista

I can think of a few books I've read where the sudden sex scene shocked me and left me feeling weird, like it was completely out of place with the rest of the novel. I kept reading, but that "sudden-shock-feeling" didn't go away, and I remember not being able to shake the creepy feeling that the scene told me more about the author's mood and proclivities than the character's.

Other books, however, invite the scenes naturally and organically.

I suspect the difference is in characterization. Sex is a powerful motivation, and it often drives behavior.

JoB42 said:

I can think of a few books I've read where the sudden sex scene shocked me and left me feeling weird, like it was completely out of place with the rest of the novel. I kept reading, but that "sudden-shock-feeling" didn't go away, and I remember not being able to shake the creepy feeling that the scene told me more about the author's mood and proclivities than the character's.

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This. I'll happily read the sex scenes if I'm prepared for them and they 1) make sense in the context of the story, and 2) serve an actual purpose. Also, I'd rather not just get a blow-by-blow of the mechanics. I've done it enough times to know how it works and reading how other writers try to portray it is often awkward when they don't know how much detail to not include. On the other hand, I like hearing about the thoughts and emotions others experience during the scene... reason being, I only know *my* thoughts and feelings about it, so putting me in someone else's headspace is giving me something new.

I agree with harlequin. I believe there is a tasteful way to detail initimacy, but like any physical scene in a novel, it is not exempt from the stage direction rule. I don’t want to know about every thrust or quivering member (10 things I hate about you). I want to know the passion or loathing or melancholy of the act. What is driving their intimacy? If I like the characters I fall in love with them like a vicarious third wheel

I agree with the others, sex scenes or intimate scenes need to have to have a purpose, either character or story development. Personally, I would stay clear of any Mills and Boons terminology, unless it is what you're writing and then it's fine. I don't think it has to be tasteful, in the sense that in my opinion, it needs to reflect the situation so if it's emotional, it should be emotional, if it is gruesome then if should come across as gruesome. Writing sex scene is not so much about the mechanics more how it feels, physically and emotionally, and what it means. Is it a show of love, power, destruction, confusion and then written accordingly. Am I making sense?

Personally, I don't like when books shy away from sex scenes. Sex is part of life like everything else, so why write about the rest and omit that part in the story.

I've omitted them from novels where they aren't a focus, or where the sex isn't particularly unusual or important *other than* to just establish that the characters in question have that relationship. If some of those scenes are later narratively significant then they get more wordage.

Even in Kushiel's Dart, some sex scenes got skipped. Partly because the book was in danger of being repetitive and partly because not all of them were significant.

Sorry if I gave the wrong impression, when I meant shy away I was talking about stories where all sex or intimate scenes are a kiss, then a close door and next thing they are cuddling, or someone is getting up to take a shower (as a general idea). Personally I don't see the point in those, as they don't reveal anything about the characters, or their relationship but as I said that's just my personal preference.

No worries, it's all good!

Casual approach: "It was a crazy night. We did stuff that ain't even in the dictionary. Then we had a smoke."

Literary approach (really bad literature): "Stars wheeling above, that sultry night whirled us around in a maelstrom, its centrifugal force crushing us in a pile of mortal flesh, a deluge of electric skin tingling and desperate longing, finally tossing us, flat as empty wine skins, on dawn's grey rocky shore under the pitiless actinic rays of a frowning society's disapproval.

Then we had a smoke."

Okay, I have to die this here hill.

The first example would fit perfectly fine into a literary novel.

The second might win you a bad sex award, though.

I dunno. I kind of like "the pitiless actinic rays of a frowning society's disapproval." I think it's actinic that really does it for me.

But this is what I agree with 100%:

blackcat777 said:

But ultimately, if you can take the sex out, does it need to be there?

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What is the point of taking out anything just because it can be taken out? As long as it gives pleasure to the reader, let it stay.

I guess I'd say, don't shy away from anything that's significant to understanding the characters, or to the plot.

Elle. said:

Sorry if I gave the wrong impression, when I meant shy away I was talking about stories where all sex or intimate scenes are a kiss, then a close door and next thing they are cuddling, or someone is getting up to take a shower (as a general idea). Personally I don't see the point in those, as they don't reveal anything about the characters, or their relationship but as I said that's just my personal preference.

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In my own manuscript, I skipped two sex scenes because I didn't think they were as relevant as what led up to them and what followed.

Just depends, I guess.

Oh I can't find it now, but there was a dear story doing the rounds on Twitter a while ago about an author whose agent called to say "Well, look - you've won the Bad Sex Award" and he said, after a crestfallen little pause

"But - how did they know?"

And the agent said, "Oh no, bad sex in literature."

So that was alright.

Within romance, some of the best dark romance novels I've read don't have sex in them. Some of the best dark romance novels I've read do have sex in them. All of the best dark romance novels I've read have stunning characters, plots and world building.

Whether you're writing romance or not, if sex forwards the plot or characterization, use it, but don't ever force it. A reader will spot that off at fifty paces. Writing a sex scene takes skill.