A short quiz that I present to my English comp students

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blacbird

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Not quite sure where to post this, but I thought it would be interesting to get opinions from other writers (and readers). In another thread it was appropriate for me to mention Mark Twain’s famous dictum about the difference between the right word and the almost-right word being the difference between the lightning and the lightning-bug. The right word can do a lot of work to make even a simple sentence live, and compel interest in a reader. This is a small version of an exercise I sometimes give to my English composition students. It presents the opening sentences of several short stories which seem to me to work largely on the basis of a single word that carries much of the weight.

By no means do I suggest that all good stories need such a device to work; many induce a reader to carry on by other means. But I have found the exercise useful to get students to think in terms of what their words actually do, in terms of communicating to a reader, and what can be done by using just the right word at the right time. I ain't going to tell you what the stories or authors are.

So, students, here’s your quiz: Which single word in each of these opening sentences to short stories is the one that does the heavy lifting, carries the real weight?

She sat at the window watching the evening invade the avenue.

There was no hurry, except for the thirst, like clotted salt in the back of his throat . . .

When I came to the House of the Sphinx it was already dark.

We knew him in those unprotected days when we were content to hold in our hands our lives and our property.

The boy sat on the porch steps in the warm September breeze and listened to his parents inside, behind the closed door, still arguing.


Obviously this is my instructorial opinion, and I don’t grade students on their responses. I just want to get them to pay attention to individual words, what they mean and what they convey in the context of the sentence. But in each of these I find a single word that really resonates, and I have found it a useful exercise. So, what say you?

caw
 

Ari Meermans

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I can see great value in learning devices such as this one. Well-constructed and memorable sentences often do have a workhorse such as you describe, and when it's in the opening sentence, it's one of the essentials for setting the tone of the story.

Do you also use the discussions generated by this exercise as a springboard for further discussions such as those regarding denotation and its sibling connotation or any other rhetorical and compositional devices?
 

BethS

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These were the words that seemed to convey the most power or interest:


She sat at the window watching the evening invade the avenue.

There was no hurry, except for the thirst, like clotted salt in the back of his throat . . .

When I came to the House of the Sphinx it was already dark.

We knew him in those unprotected days when we were content to hold in our hands our lives and our property.

The boy sat on the porch steps in the warm September breeze and listened to his parents inside, behind the closed door, still arguing. This was a hard one. There are no real power words there, but I keep leaning toward "warm," because it feels like comfort and yet what's happening in the house is far from comfortable. Second choice would be "closed," which emphsizes the fact that he's outside and alone.

Fun exercise.
 
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Bufty

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I share Beth's reactions, except for the third one, where it's the 'already' that catches my attention for some reason. Could just have said 'it was dark' - so I'm wondering why the 'already'? Did the narrator want it dark for her purposes? So she didn't have to wait till night fell?

When I came to the House of the Sphinx it was already dark.
 

Ari Meermans

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Or (and this is what hit me about 'already'), the dark was menacing or something to be avoided. Now I want to know why.
 

Mary Love

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So, students, here’s your quiz: Which single word in each of these opening sentences to short stories is the one that does the heavy lifting, carries the real weight?

She sat at the window watching the evening invade the avenue.

There was no hurry, except for the thirst, like clotted salt in the back of his throat . . .

When I came to the House of the Sphinx it was already dark.

We knew him in those unprotected days when we were content to hold in our hands our lives and our property.

The boy sat on the porch steps in the warm September breeze and listened to his parents inside, behind the closed door, still arguing.

This was an interesting excise. I kept fighting with my first impression, thinking that can't possibly be the 'heavy lifting' word, but those are the words that stood out to me, set the tone and added interest. Thanks for sharing!
 

Ari Meermans

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It is an interesting exercise. blacbird said he doesn't grade responses because he wants his students to pay attention to the individual words and the work they each do in the sentence and I think that's a good idea. The specificity with which we choose words conveys a lot. That and, of course, where we choose to place them within the sentence.

Just as a note: the word 'still' near the end of the sentence is the one I consider the heavy-lifter. For me (and me only, probably), it conveys immediately that this argument has been going on for a while.
 
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blacbird

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Just as a note: the word 'still' near the end of the sentence is the one I consider the heavy-lifter. For me (and me only, probably), it conveys immediately that this argument has been going on for a while.

That's the one I like, too. It's almost a single-word backstory.

You could, of course, do this kind of thing with sentences that aren't at the beginning of a story, but I've been struck by how well it works in an opening sentence for many stories.

caw
 

Ari Meermans

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Yep. And I like the way you phrased your comment wrt 'still': as "almost a single-word backstory".
 
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Layla Nahar

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I agree with the others (well, Beth) on the all the sentences but the last. For me the heavy word there was 'arguing'. fwiw
 

D.L. Shepherd

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Fun exercise! So for most of them, I agree with what has already been said:

She sat at the window watching the evening invade the avenue.

When I came to the House of the Sphinx it was already dark.

We knew him in those unprotected days when we were content to hold in our hands our lives and our property.

The boy sat on the porch steps in the warm September breeze and listened to his parents inside, behind the closed door, still arguing.



caw

Except for this one:


There was no hurry, except for the thirst, like clotted salt in the back of his throat . . .

caw

Even though the word "Clotted" is interesting, to me it highlights just how thirsty he must have been, so I feel as if "thirst" carries a lot of weight. Why is he so thirsty?
 
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