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Hello everyone!
My story is for a comic of surreal art style. Classic adventure, with linear - and rather stereotypical - plot. What worries me is (a) is it too info-heavy? and (b) is it coherent, with a nice flow and a good overall structure? Crush me, I can take it
Setting: we are in a vast country, quite similar to ancient Egypt. Its princes are named after alphabet letters - depending on how worthy they are judged to be. The letters also show where they are in the line of succession.
EDIT: I've read some stuff about plot here, so I changed it.
Intro: The vacant throne
The king dies in battle. His younger brother, who idolized him, has to take his place. To prove worthy of succession he must pass through the underworld and reclaim the Mask of Kings from his brother.
Entrance
The prince cannot unlock the door of the first trial, because he doesn't feel worthy of becoming king. However, he manages to overcome his old scars and eventually beat his old self. Now his confidence is rocket-high! He always thought that only himself can ever stop him, so now he believes no one can!
Hell
He can now enter the underworld, which is widely inhibited by his country's ex-citizens. People approach him. He denies all help, as no one seems good enough to add to his newfound strength. He confirms this belief of his by inspiring the people he meets. However, he soon meets a hostile crowd on which words and titles have no effect. He is beaten and has to be rescued. He realizes that no one is god - also, that the power of the system in which he was raised isn't absolute. He vows to work towards becoming a better person - and a better fighter.
He still he has to finish the trial, though.
Heaven's door
A strange challenge appears: his trusted brother sends a message, ordering him to abandon the trial. The Prince always worshiped him. But, since he now knows no one is perfect, he eventually decides to deny the order - and the loving authority of his brother.
Alpha's Palace
We see a short scene where Alpha is informed about Beta's progress. We learn that the mask is alive, in complete control of him, and aims to kill Beta.
Heaven
The prince enters heaven. But he can only find his brother if he truly wishes it: this is how transportation works here! However, because of the first trial, he feels not the need to prove himself anymore. He must find new reasons for becoming king, so he wanders in heaven looking for meaning. His wishes bring him to his (now deceased) lover. She seduces him to stay with her, also offering a new life, free from the princes' naming system and its burdens. The ensuing conflict reminds the prince of how he wants to heal the war-torn upper world. He denies the absolute happiness of heaven and sets off to see his brother.
Final battle
The Prince finally finds his brother. The mask openly reveals that it controls his brother. It has snatched king after king throughout history by granting them wishes in exchange for their soul. However, it wants the Prince dead or gone, as he is too stubborn to control. It pressures the Prince to leave, first by trickery and then by threatening Alpha's well-being.
The prince realizes his brother would rather die than allow the mask to win. So, despite loving him, he fights his controlled body to death for the mask. It is a fight of wishes, as both mask and Prince use the garden's power to move around. In the end, the prince has to sacrifice his lover and himself in order to take the mask. His, now free, brother calls upon the underworld's gods for aid. They save the Prince. He now comes back to the upper world, with the mask, as the worthy new king.
The mask, however, still exists as a dormant threat.
My story is for a comic of surreal art style. Classic adventure, with linear - and rather stereotypical - plot. What worries me is (a) is it too info-heavy? and (b) is it coherent, with a nice flow and a good overall structure? Crush me, I can take it
Setting: we are in a vast country, quite similar to ancient Egypt. Its princes are named after alphabet letters - depending on how worthy they are judged to be. The letters also show where they are in the line of succession.
EDIT: I've read some stuff about plot here, so I changed it.
Intro: The vacant throne
The king dies in battle. His younger brother, who idolized him, has to take his place. To prove worthy of succession he must pass through the underworld and reclaim the Mask of Kings from his brother.
Entrance
The prince cannot unlock the door of the first trial, because he doesn't feel worthy of becoming king. However, he manages to overcome his old scars and eventually beat his old self. Now his confidence is rocket-high! He always thought that only himself can ever stop him, so now he believes no one can!
Hell
He can now enter the underworld, which is widely inhibited by his country's ex-citizens. People approach him. He denies all help, as no one seems good enough to add to his newfound strength. He confirms this belief of his by inspiring the people he meets. However, he soon meets a hostile crowd on which words and titles have no effect. He is beaten and has to be rescued. He realizes that no one is god - also, that the power of the system in which he was raised isn't absolute. He vows to work towards becoming a better person - and a better fighter.
He still he has to finish the trial, though.
Heaven's door
A strange challenge appears: his trusted brother sends a message, ordering him to abandon the trial. The Prince always worshiped him. But, since he now knows no one is perfect, he eventually decides to deny the order - and the loving authority of his brother.
Alpha's Palace
We see a short scene where Alpha is informed about Beta's progress. We learn that the mask is alive, in complete control of him, and aims to kill Beta.
Heaven
The prince enters heaven. But he can only find his brother if he truly wishes it: this is how transportation works here! However, because of the first trial, he feels not the need to prove himself anymore. He must find new reasons for becoming king, so he wanders in heaven looking for meaning. His wishes bring him to his (now deceased) lover. She seduces him to stay with her, also offering a new life, free from the princes' naming system and its burdens. The ensuing conflict reminds the prince of how he wants to heal the war-torn upper world. He denies the absolute happiness of heaven and sets off to see his brother.
Final battle
The Prince finally finds his brother. The mask openly reveals that it controls his brother. It has snatched king after king throughout history by granting them wishes in exchange for their soul. However, it wants the Prince dead or gone, as he is too stubborn to control. It pressures the Prince to leave, first by trickery and then by threatening Alpha's well-being.
The prince realizes his brother would rather die than allow the mask to win. So, despite loving him, he fights his controlled body to death for the mask. It is a fight of wishes, as both mask and Prince use the garden's power to move around. In the end, the prince has to sacrifice his lover and himself in order to take the mask. His, now free, brother calls upon the underworld's gods for aid. They save the Prince. He now comes back to the upper world, with the mask, as the worthy new king.
The mask, however, still exists as a dormant threat.
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