While I am not fiscally well to do, when it comes to successes, I have obtained one. I have been completely self-employed since around April, my life is inexpensive and this is probably sustainable. This is the writer's dream. In fact, this has always been on my list of goals, and I'm thrilled to be maintaining this level of freedom. I know many people would like to be able to obtain that. If things continue to improve, and they are as my reputation is building, I may eventually get to that "freelancer nomad" travel and work lifestyle I've always wanted.
But I am not a writer.
I achieved this success via focusing on graphic design niches, and while enjoyable enough to me, this demands a certain amount of creative energy. Some of my time is client-side interactions, some of my time is unpaid cold-calling and sussing around on job boards looking for clients who require my services (fantasy cartography). So that alone is more taxing than the toilet scrubbing drudgery that tickled my creative fancies–out of boredom, yes, and my brain eventually starts bugging me to move on when I'm stuck somewhere completely unchallenging. The emotional labor of freelance work, not always as highlighted as more entertaining challenges: the horrid clients, unpaid invoices, work that comes in ebbs and flows.
Statistically, I've been able to put out my best writing when I was working my most mundane of jobs. The job I did robotically, investing all of my working hours running simulations to test writing in my brain. Cleaning, if you haven't cottoned on yet. Now, I stopped for reasons. I have no desire to return if I can maintain my present form of employment, which is why I'm posting in Outwitting Writer's Block rather than shucking resumes until someone inevitably hires me to shine their things.
I would say there are two things interacting with my ability to get writing done. One of them my job has me working on the same computer and same setting in which I want to write. For another, for someone self-employed I'm godawful at scheduling and time management. I've taken some matters into my own hands by blocking social media 5 days of the week. I don't use the computer for much else recreationally, except for intermittent YouTube binges. Not only junk, but I don't have the self control to put that one on the lock. And forums such as these, where I socialize and critique other people's work, because I find keeping a critical mind is super helpful when I'm editing my work.
So, I managed to hack the first draft of my novel into shape, and I've even made several editing notes and figured out how to revise a few things, I know it'll come together. I know how to get things done too, obviously, or I wouldn't be freelancing, I just do it in blurts and blasts that have been described as "you're a better sprinter than marathoner". This holds true in my exercise life, where I like to do heavy lifts–deadlifts, squats, a few reps, a few sets, and you're done. I'm just downright computer fatigued. Psychologically, I am not good at marathoning, and so many aspects of my life are wound around this computer. Like, I look at this thing and I hate it. I spend so much time on here. I've done so many things in my house to enable me to move around and work throughout it, I have four theoretical different workstations, but there's only so much I can do. And I feel BAD allowing myself time to do it, like every time I pick it up I think "oh but you have x thing for x client", and I'm NEVER at a point where I'm out of work (which is great!) I guess the work never stopped before, but at least I went away from it; it feels like am always working, even if I'm not specifically doing a thing for a client at that very moment.
So, while I was writing this post, I thought that maybe I should try handwriting for the edit, but it would go so much slower. Or would it? Is that a trap question I'm asking myself? I've never done much handwriting, so it's tough to say.
When it comes down to it, I've experienced worse writer's block. After all, I have the draft! It's horrible and I am ashamed even one person has read some of it, but no, no, more than one person has read it and some have said it was good. So, I trust their opinions and grubby little fingers, demanding this novel before I was willing to share.
Yet, this novel I've worked on, it's the end result of something I started last year. Since I've been freelancing, I haven't created anything new. My creative, original output has dropped to 0. I have done almost no art for myself (a couple of doodles to test techniques), and only the writing based on the original outline, which I made over a year ago. I will figure out how to edit this novel, eventually. Even if it involves handwriting or a coffee shop or something else to force me out of my rut. But I'm downright concerned by my lack of creative energy. That dark part of my brain whispers, "Hey. You're never going to get better. You're giving all your creative energy away for barely any money at all, and even if you make more, it all goes to your clients, there's none left for you."
I suppose I'm posting in part to share some of what I've done to manage so far, and maybe seeing if someone's further down this road and has advice on better balancing life. Can always be doing better. Or commiseration, that's always welcome too. Cheers.
But I am not a writer.
I achieved this success via focusing on graphic design niches, and while enjoyable enough to me, this demands a certain amount of creative energy. Some of my time is client-side interactions, some of my time is unpaid cold-calling and sussing around on job boards looking for clients who require my services (fantasy cartography). So that alone is more taxing than the toilet scrubbing drudgery that tickled my creative fancies–out of boredom, yes, and my brain eventually starts bugging me to move on when I'm stuck somewhere completely unchallenging. The emotional labor of freelance work, not always as highlighted as more entertaining challenges: the horrid clients, unpaid invoices, work that comes in ebbs and flows.
Statistically, I've been able to put out my best writing when I was working my most mundane of jobs. The job I did robotically, investing all of my working hours running simulations to test writing in my brain. Cleaning, if you haven't cottoned on yet. Now, I stopped for reasons. I have no desire to return if I can maintain my present form of employment, which is why I'm posting in Outwitting Writer's Block rather than shucking resumes until someone inevitably hires me to shine their things.
I would say there are two things interacting with my ability to get writing done. One of them my job has me working on the same computer and same setting in which I want to write. For another, for someone self-employed I'm godawful at scheduling and time management. I've taken some matters into my own hands by blocking social media 5 days of the week. I don't use the computer for much else recreationally, except for intermittent YouTube binges. Not only junk, but I don't have the self control to put that one on the lock. And forums such as these, where I socialize and critique other people's work, because I find keeping a critical mind is super helpful when I'm editing my work.
So, I managed to hack the first draft of my novel into shape, and I've even made several editing notes and figured out how to revise a few things, I know it'll come together. I know how to get things done too, obviously, or I wouldn't be freelancing, I just do it in blurts and blasts that have been described as "you're a better sprinter than marathoner". This holds true in my exercise life, where I like to do heavy lifts–deadlifts, squats, a few reps, a few sets, and you're done. I'm just downright computer fatigued. Psychologically, I am not good at marathoning, and so many aspects of my life are wound around this computer. Like, I look at this thing and I hate it. I spend so much time on here. I've done so many things in my house to enable me to move around and work throughout it, I have four theoretical different workstations, but there's only so much I can do. And I feel BAD allowing myself time to do it, like every time I pick it up I think "oh but you have x thing for x client", and I'm NEVER at a point where I'm out of work (which is great!) I guess the work never stopped before, but at least I went away from it; it feels like am always working, even if I'm not specifically doing a thing for a client at that very moment.
So, while I was writing this post, I thought that maybe I should try handwriting for the edit, but it would go so much slower. Or would it? Is that a trap question I'm asking myself? I've never done much handwriting, so it's tough to say.
When it comes down to it, I've experienced worse writer's block. After all, I have the draft! It's horrible and I am ashamed even one person has read some of it, but no, no, more than one person has read it and some have said it was good. So, I trust their opinions and grubby little fingers, demanding this novel before I was willing to share.
Yet, this novel I've worked on, it's the end result of something I started last year. Since I've been freelancing, I haven't created anything new. My creative, original output has dropped to 0. I have done almost no art for myself (a couple of doodles to test techniques), and only the writing based on the original outline, which I made over a year ago. I will figure out how to edit this novel, eventually. Even if it involves handwriting or a coffee shop or something else to force me out of my rut. But I'm downright concerned by my lack of creative energy. That dark part of my brain whispers, "Hey. You're never going to get better. You're giving all your creative energy away for barely any money at all, and even if you make more, it all goes to your clients, there's none left for you."
I suppose I'm posting in part to share some of what I've done to manage so far, and maybe seeing if someone's further down this road and has advice on better balancing life. Can always be doing better. Or commiseration, that's always welcome too. Cheers.
