Time Between Relationships?

Katallina

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TLDR: How much time needs to pass from a heroine being with one person and getting with the hero for her past to not be a problem?

The Long Version:

I think I may have painted myself into a corner. Fortunately,I'm still outlining so I can hopefully fix this.

The heroine of my latest fantasy romance novella is a relatively innocent princess raised in a kingdom of necromancers and dark mages. She has been courted since early adolescence by a powerful sorcerer who is interested in her because he knows she was the creation of the Emperor's obsession with his mistress, who happened to be a mermaid. Blood plays a big role in the magical systems of this society, so the unique properties hers might possess makes her extremely desirable to him.

Fast forward to the start of the novel where the heroine is in her early 20s. She has snuck into her love's home to listen in on a secret meeting between him and her father. She thinks they are going to talk about wedding plans for her and the sorcerer, but instead the Emperor wants the sorcerer to assassinate the king of a neighbouring country and his daughter--who happens to be a friend of the princess's.

The Emperor leaves and the princess tries to exit quietly but is caught by the sorcerer, who teases her about eavesdropping. They are happy that the Emperor has approved their match, but when princess tries to convince him to spare her friend's life he is very angry. They end up in a wizard's duel--sorcerer is her teacher and she semi-playfully casts something on him--which results in him using his powers to seal hers temporarily away. He assures her that he will restore them once this situation is over, but for the time being he fears she may be a danger to herself.

Princess is determined to save her friend. She sneaks out of sorcerer's home and back to her own in the middle of the night, packs belongings, and uses a secret passage in her room to leave the palace district and go into the city proper. On her way through the markets she finds a man being sold as a slave. Realizing he is Mer, and having a lifelong obsession with their culture, she buys him with the intentions of using him as a guide to help her leave her home country and travel to the land where her friend lives. She is too trusting, though, and removes the collar blocking his powers as soon as they leave the city. He immediately grabs it and puts it on her, reversing their roles. He tells her that he will help her leave since he wants to leave this country, too, but that she will serve him until that journey is successful.

As the journey progresses and things happen, the merman realizes that this woman is a potential mate for him and her personality begins to win him over. By the time that the book is done, he has given her his 'shift scale', an item that a shifter in my realm can only produce once in their lifetime, in order to save her life and they end up in love and happy.

The question is, how much space do I need to put between her past with the sorcerer and what happens with the merman for this to be believable? In my initial draft she and sorcerer hated each other, but the backstoryI eventually came up with seems much richer and more alive--provided it doesn't mess up the main plot.

Note: sorcerer is a very bad man and princess had no idea of this when they were together. He is the primary villain following the couple on their journey and causing trouble for them.
 

lonestarlibrarian

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I'd be less concerned about her residual feelings for him, which would believably undergo some serious re-thinking after she catches him plotting with her father to assassinate her friend & her friend's father. A lot of that would depend on how readily/enthusiastically the sorcerer goes along with the plot. Hearing it directly from his own voice makes a big difference, rather than being informed of it through hearsay.

I'd be more concerned about how you go with her new love interest from "I tried to do something nice for you and you done me wrong" to "I not only luuuv you, but I trust you, even though I know perfectly well that you were willing to betray me in an instant". It's definitely not a love-at-first-sight thing, and presumably will undergo plenty of development, but it needs to be handled carefully to keep from treading too close into Stockholm territory, or "I have poor judgment" territory that you get with some heroines. :)

A slight other concern regarding worldbuilding would be how you handled giving her an official high rank like "princess", if she's the illegitimate offspring of a mistress. And then I would be curious as to how you handled her father the Emperor allowing someone as high-ranking as a princess to be seriously courted by someone as utilitarian as a sorcerer-tutor, powerful or not, rather than using her as a political pawn, if she's openly accepted into society/has a place in the hierarchy. Third question regarding worldbuilding would be, if someone is as valuable as a high-ranking princess and the daughter of an Emperor, how freely is she able to move, in terms of sneaking out of her home, into other people's homes, running around the country, and trying to flee across the border. :)
 

frimble3

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Third question regarding worldbuilding would be, if someone is as valuable as a high-ranking princess and the daughter of an Emperor, how freely is she able to move, in terms of sneaking out of her home, into other people's homes, running around the country, and trying to flee across the border.

Yeah, from sneaking into her lover's home and getting caught (unescorted, unprotected, in a man's home!) to the whole sneaking out of the palace through a 'secret passage' into the marketplace with enough money to buy a Mer, without drawing the attention of the crowd, and then just wander off into the next country (which apparently she didn't know how to get to without the Mer as a guide) in search of her 'friend'. (How did they get to be friends, anyhow? State visits?)
What would have happened to her maids and attendants when the king and sorcerer discovered she was missing, and how long before the army was mobilized to track her down?
On the other hand, this does sound like the sort of princess who would take the control-collar off a total stranger who she has no particular reason to trust.
 

frimble3

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Sorry, back to the OP, it also makes her sound impulsive, the sort of girl who could make up her mind that the dodgy stranger is the love of her life, and write off her previous love as a dangerous killer who she would be better off without.
After all, the Mer doesn't know about her past, so he won't worry about what the abandoned sorcerer and the irate father might do.
 

Katallina

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Tali's (the princess) position in her father's court is unusual. He had an affair with a beautiful Mer woman as a prince and once Tali was born she and her mother were initially cast aside. But when 'prince' became 'Emperor' and married, his wife convinced him to correct this and Tali was raised as if she was the new queen's daughter, with her mother (looking for to regain the ability to go into the sea--the prince had stolen that from her--again, he is a mage) acting as her 'nurse' to regain the right to her scales.

Nyruva was a more open and friendly country when Queen Marpessa was alive. There was still mysterious magic, but the Nyruvans did not hold hostility toward other nations as they do today. The Queen, and some of the other matriarchs of other kingdoms, would take turns hosting each others' children so that all of the royal children of Ellithica would know each other with the long-game of hoping that would inspire future peace.

Tali is clueless to the dangers of the outside world, but -thinks- of herself as independent and uses as few servants as possible. In the current political climate of her country, a marriage to one of the more influential mages would be more appealing to her father than marrying her to a foreign power since things are a lot more hostile now then they were ten years prior.

As for how she gets around, she has an enchanted amulet that can allow her to turn invisible. It works best when used in shadowy areas and it can be seen through by people with strong magical training, but it has served her well in letting her come and go -mostly- as she pleases. As for her father, he would agree with the sorcerer that her blood / its heritage is more valuable than she is, and her birth mother saw her as a means to an end--after so much time she was suppose to get her scales back--but she ended up getting betrayed by the Emperor when Queen Marpessa was turned to stone by some Nagas.
 

Hbooks

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My first thought was that MC would probably be upset, betrayed, wounded, sickened about finding out love interest#1 had fooled and was using her. If the merman turns around and snaps a slave collar on her, is she really going to be keen to see him as love interest#2 when he, too, has essentially just fooled, and is now using her?
 

Evelyn_Alexie

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I agree with Hbooks that it will be a challenge to have her overcome the slave collar being snapped on her by someone she freed, but it could definitely provide some great initial conflict as their relationship begins.
The overall premise sounds interesting!
 

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I don’t think the amount of time really matters necessarily in this situation. If she was intimate with the sorcerer, then I think some readers would want some breathing room (maybe a few months) to ensure there isn’t an oops baby (I personally still wouldn’t care). But I’m guessing, she’s a virgin, (I’m just going off the innocent princess bit and her blood is magically delicious, she probably isn’t allowed other suitors) so I think time-wise, she can fall head over the moon in love with the other guy with no problem.

My problem though is:
1.) Is the heroine’s naiveté the reason you are using to explain why she makes poor judgement calls? If so, is the characterization of her in the role of “virtuous” woman (or mermaid, I’m not sure what you're calling your species)? If her characterization is the one of a virtuous woman (this is just me being stereotypical of the way characters are portrayed in romances), why would she do something as unscrupulous as eavesdrop? From what I understand of your summary, she didn’t unwittingly stumble over them conversing and hid to avoid being noticed. She left her home to go to the sorcerer’s home, hid in his home, all with the intention of snooping. What was her justification for doing so? Is she just the nosey sort? Now me, personally, I love a bad girl and a heroine with slightly questionable ethics is right up my alley, so I’m all for a bit of eavesdropping. However, the vibe I get from your summary, you aren’t going for that particular heroine type. So perhaps, if you haven’t already, adjust this part to ensure justification as to why she is snooping beyond the fact it’s a private meeting to discuss her marriage.

2.) Does she hear murder-plots often? If she is as innocent as you suggest, then I am guessing not often; so why would she express any sentiments of happiness at being wed to a would-be killer? I would think the idea would, at least initially, unsettle her to being unable to discuss anything but the murder.

3.) Why wouldn’t she beg the emperor to rescind the murder plot instead of the sorcerer? It stands to reason, even if the sorcerer agreed not to kill the king and his daughter, the emperor will simply get someone else to do the job? She wouldn’t need to get into a duel with the sorcerer -at least not at this point.

4.) Is the slave scenario very important -is it for a bdsm/kinky sex set up or a way to keep them stuck together? I know its a scenario employed a lot in this genre but the romanizing Stockholm syndrome and slavery is one of my least favorite tropes. It’s not a total deal breaker (the Khaless and Khal Drogo in Game of Thrones is a good example of the scenario done well although it’s not a romance novel per se), however, typically it’s hard for me to believe the heroine found love with her captor after being kidnapped, held hostage, and enslaved …it just seems very traumatic.

But those are just my thoughts …take what’s helpful, leave what’s not.
 

Katallina

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Do you guys think it would be a better idea if they deliberately had her wear the collar and had that aspect by more of a ruse? In the culture she is from a man and woman traveling alone the way they are would be fairly unlikely (most people with families stay put) and Niko (the merman) does not fully trust Tali when he meets her. He isn't sure what her powers are, but he knows the collar will keep her from accessing them, at least until they cross the border.

The collar -is- important, because it is actually dangerous and neither of them realize that at the time. It's also a source of irony: the reader will know fairly early in that both of these people are very opposed to slavery, but they will both misjudge the other--Niko at the beginning while Tali is trying to escape the city with as little attention as possible, and then Tali when Niko decides their roles should be reversed.

As for how innocent Tali is, she is innocent about some things and very aware of others--that's a big part of her problem. As for why she would ask the sorcerer and not her father, that's because she and her father do not get along. She is counting on the sorcerer to come up with an idea that will prevent another attempt on her friend's life, but he declines to help at all.

Tali is a very nosy / inquisitive character who can be very impulsive. Her 'innocence' is not necessarily her being well behaved, but rather not always having a clear picture of the consequences of her actions. The prologue of the novel has her helping a different merman escape from the palace and we find out later that what she did was figured out and she was punished for it. During the prologue when it is happening she figures everything will be fine and nothing will happen.

As always, thoughts and suggestions are totally welcome. Thank you all so much for all of the fantastic feedback. This is helping a lot with fixing potential mishaps before I actually get too deeply into the writing.
 

morngnstar

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I think it would take some time for her to give up on the previous romance, but that is a strength, not a weakness, of your plot. That seems to be the main internal conflict of your book. Now, knowing that the sorcerer is not a good guy might help break the connection, but when someone has a strongly-held belief (and love can be counted as a sort of belief), they do not let it go easily. They will try to justify it even in the face of clear evidence. So she will probably try to find some justification for his actions. Maybe there is some reason why her friend must be killed that she, an inexperienced novice, can't know or understand. The merman can act as a voice of reason to break this "spell", which initially will make the heroine regard him as an enemy. But over time he can prove himself trustworthy, and that will force her to consider his point of view.

I don't really see a problem with the merman putting the slave collar on her, as it's justifiable. He is trying to escape slavery by any means necessary. He doesn't know if he can trust her, so the safest thing is to be able to control her. I would say he should demonstrate some goodwill toward her, perhaps helping her with her quest not because it happens to coincide with his plans, but out of gratitude for freeing him, while still keeping her in bondage.
 

lonestarlibrarian

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I like how you've thought things through and are able to address a lot of the potential issues in the plot. :) Sometimes a reader can disagree with a character's course of action-- but that's a far more forgivable thing than if the reader suspects the author hasn't thought things through. :p Keep it up!

My next question would be-- why does your newly-rescued Mer guy want to burden himself with an inexperienced girl, who he may or may not be aware is a political hot potato and will attract trouble like a magnet? ie, why does he go through the trouble of not only burdening himself with company, but making her a captive, and running into the problems that come with forcing a hostile traveling companion upon himself? Obviously, her priority is to travel x distance to personally warn/save her friend/friend's father. But all of a sudden, she has the bigger issue of her own personal freedom/safety/independence to deal with, due to the collar. Her powers were already sealed by the sorcerer, so presumably, a perfect stranger wouldn't suspect her of being magically capable; you'll need to explain why the Mer guy needs to double-down by throwing a power-blocking collar on his already-magically-incapacitated rescuer, offending his rescuer in the process, and then continuing to travel with his betrayed rescuer-captive, expecting his prisoner to fully cooperate with him instead of risking attention by asking for assistance from random passers-by, etc. Wouldn't it be a lot simpler for him to disappear in the middle of the night on the pretext of "checking out that place to see if it's safe" or "hey, let me get some food, you stay here, I'll be right back?" What benefit does she give him that outweighs the risk of keeping her?

Conversely, on the other hand, you have someone whose powers have already been sealed once by the man she loves, and now gets to have them sealed with a second layer of sealing-- what's to keep her from chalking up this new guy as another bad egg, and running off to go find assistance from elsewhere, like a dependable bodyguard or a certain country's ambassador, or someone she's already familiar with and trusts? What makes her trot along with him docilely and pass it all off as, "Well, he's a big meanie, but at least we're traveling in the same direction, so we might as well."
 
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Katallina

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@Lonestarlibrarian Thank you for all the great feedback and for asking a really great question. Here are the current motives I have to keep them working together.

Tali: Seven years ago when she rescued another Merman, she learned about his friend Niko who was also enslaved somewhere in the city. When Tali sees a Merman in danger / being sold she steps in thinking it might be him (Mer are not all that common in Nyruva). It turns out that she is right and since she has found him and is leaving the city anyway, she feels that it is partially her responsibility to get him to safety / out of Nyruva so he won't be recaptured. Tali has money, provisions, etc. whereas Niko (to her knowledge) doesn't have anything. Once he puts the collar on her, Tali is essentially stuck with him since he has the key. She can't go back to her home because she would be shamed for having a slave overpower her and could even end up being owned by someone if she isn't careful. She also has Niko's assurance that he is just changing their roles for what is essentially the deal she was offering him. He is willing to protect her and help her escape--and he has far more knowledge of how to do that than she does (her fleeing was 'planned' in the sense that she had stuff in case she ever needed to, but she never fully thought through the practicality of running away).

Niko, while he does not trust Tali initially (hence the collar idea) has a bit of a hero complex and cannot bring himself to abandon her. Her methods might have been questionable, but she did just sacrifice a family heirloom to prevent him from being seriously harmed and aside from a few 'commands' within the city--which she claims were an act--she has been mostly harmless. The heirloom Tali used to buy Niko does make it clear to him, though, that she is from a powerful family and very well might have dangerous powers that could hurt him. So he decides the collar is a good idea. His determination to help her is cemented when she is niave enough to take the collar off of him without knowing for certain how he would react. She is clearly clueless about keeping herself safe and his conscience will not allow him to just let her try her own luck at getting where she needs to go. (I'm still finetuning his background but I'm pretty sure the only reason he was captured and enslaved is because he dived into the water to save a drowning child and the slavers she was running from surrounded him as he was working to get her to start breathing again. He figured he would be able to escape them later and did not want to risk letting her die, so he surrendered. This is not finalized; just one of several reasons that might have lead to his current situation.)

Writing these two is going to be a challenge because they are both genuinely kind people who have ended up on opposite sides of an ugly institution. They both have scars from their involvement--willing or not--with it and by growing closer to each other and facing those issues they will have a chance to heal and start a new life. I don't want to glorify slavery--that's gross. But I do want to explore the role that it plays in one of the cultures of my series and I like the mishaps that can happen between these two with the situation they are in because they are both assuming things in the beginning that are totally wrong and they will need to learn about each other as individual people if they want to move past that.