Hello all,
I'm looking to get a short story critiqued. I can do an exchange for a story/critique of about 5000 to 6000 words.
My story is titled THE SLEEPY WARRIOR. It's very light fantasy (honestly, not entirely sure what genre to call it), and the word count is about 5000 words.
Here's the first 200 words below. If you're interested, PM me or send an email to eniac_caine @ hotmail dot com.
Thanks!
***
Kal Joo Won cupped the poison in his hand and crouched across from Shin Shi’u, the seonsu favorited to win next week’s games. Smiling at the slender swordsman, he poured them both tall glasses of beer, the poison warm against his palm. He then stood, raised one of the glasses, and said over the clamor of voices, “A toast to next week’s games! May the player with an indomitable spirit break their lessers under the bokken!”
Smoke from the table grill rose up between the competitors in the crowded pork restaurant. Around Joo Won, the dozens of seonsu from their dojang filled their cups. Joo Won clenched his teeth tight to hold back the curses threatening to erupt forth from between his wide smile and offered the glass to Shi’u with both hands, the small packet of poison obscured by the golden beer. Shi’u stood, took the cup with an appreciative nod, and raised it above his head. Because it was him, the other seonsu quieted and leaned forward in expectation. Joo Won heard his teeth grinding in his ear. If he could, he would poison all of them, the fools, for not giving him the respect they gave Shi’u.
I'm looking to get a short story critiqued. I can do an exchange for a story/critique of about 5000 to 6000 words.
My story is titled THE SLEEPY WARRIOR. It's very light fantasy (honestly, not entirely sure what genre to call it), and the word count is about 5000 words.
Here's the first 200 words below. If you're interested, PM me or send an email to eniac_caine @ hotmail dot com.
Thanks!
***
Kal Joo Won cupped the poison in his hand and crouched across from Shin Shi’u, the seonsu favorited to win next week’s games. Smiling at the slender swordsman, he poured them both tall glasses of beer, the poison warm against his palm. He then stood, raised one of the glasses, and said over the clamor of voices, “A toast to next week’s games! May the player with an indomitable spirit break their lessers under the bokken!”
Smoke from the table grill rose up between the competitors in the crowded pork restaurant. Around Joo Won, the dozens of seonsu from their dojang filled their cups. Joo Won clenched his teeth tight to hold back the curses threatening to erupt forth from between his wide smile and offered the glass to Shi’u with both hands, the small packet of poison obscured by the golden beer. Shi’u stood, took the cup with an appreciative nod, and raised it above his head. Because it was him, the other seonsu quieted and leaned forward in expectation. Joo Won heard his teeth grinding in his ear. If he could, he would poison all of them, the fools, for not giving him the respect they gave Shi’u.