Want to be an Ally

Catherine · Nov 18, 2017

Hello! I work as a physical therapist. In the next week, for the first time, I will be working with a person who describes themself as a transgender woman. (I haven't met them yet and don't know which pronoun they prefer.)

I've read a few things from GLAAD and Queer101. Most is familiar from other things I've read and experienced, but I don't want to assume that's all there is to it. I don't know where my tripping points are; I don't want to inadvertently say something offensive because of my ignorance.

If you have any advice for a medical person, I'd appreciate you sharing it with me. If you don't want to post publicly, consider a PM.

Thank you-

Maryn · Nov 18, 2017

I'm not trans, but my adult daughter is, and since she transitioned, all her girlfriends are, too.

Things that upset her that I have to watch carefully for:
Use of her "dead name" (which I'm good about avoiding, for the record)
Use of the wrong pronoun (pretty obvious and surprisingly difficult to get right 100% of the time when she was the other pronoun for 28 years)
Use of terms like "man" and "you guys" when addressing her or a group that includes her, even though I use such terms for other women
Any attempt to instruct or suggest in regard to hairstyles, clothes, makeup, or appearance in general (although I instructed her sister)

I understand, and our trans members will let me know if I'm wrong, that fear of negative judgment looms large for many trans women when they meet someone new. Many report avoiding doctors and other medical people they ought to see because some are hostile, dismissive, and otherwise show their negative judgment. A few report medical personnel refusing to treat them. (Appalling, yes?) So rather than being coolly professional and neutral, if that's your usual way, you might add an extra dash of warmth to let her know you aren't judging, just doing your job in the expectation that she'll feel better or regain strength. If you can give an honest compliment about her appearance that's not too weird ("Oh, I love the color of your sweater.") you probably should. After all, most of us enjoy compliments that aren't too personal.

Maryn, waiting for her friends to come along

Catherine · Nov 18, 2017

Thank you Maryn-- this is exactly what I need. When someone has dealt with a lot of prejudice, it's easy to view new people with skepticism. This person has already been through a lot; I don't want to put them off because I'm being offensive by accident.

Maryn · Nov 19, 2017

I have lots of recollections about encountering trans women whose fear of me and what I might think or say was obvious. (What, do I go around with a permanent frown or something?) Rather than treating them (and that reaction) like any other women, namely minding my own business, I generally smile and make some innocuous remark or throw out a conversational tidbit. I'm an anxiety person to some degree, so this is hard for me, but man, I don't ever want a trans person to think he or she has any reason to be scared of me.

And my mission at crowded venues is to befriend any trans woman in line for the ladies room who appears to be terrified of being challenged. (And they really need to pee!) Just a friendly comment about lines or the show or whatever can help.

Diana Hignutt · Nov 20, 2017

Most people who identify as trans women probably go by the pronouns She/her. My advice. Just be caring and helpful as you are, I'm sure, to all your patients. No more. No less. The funny thing about trans people is that they are people. Just treat us as such, and you're golden. Thanks for asking though. That shows real class.

Maryn · Nov 20, 2017

(I agree with that last line especially.)

Catherine · Nov 21, 2017

Thank you Maryn and Diana. I appreciate your advice and kind words.

danatcsimpson · Nov 24, 2017

If you haven't interacted with a lot of trans people in your day-to-day life, realistically, you'll probably goof at least once. If you do, and your patient corrects you, acknowledge your mistake, apologize briefly, and return to the PT activities. Try to make a conscious decision to not maneuver them into educating or reassuring you while in session. That dynamic can get awkward when it's two people interacting on a personal level, and it's doubly so when the offender is in a position of authority over the offendee (therapist/patient qualifies in my mind).

That you've already done some research and are asking questions is a much better start than many health care professional are willing to make, so thumbs up on that!

Catherine · Nov 25, 2017

Definitely don't want to make the treatment sessions about my education-- or about reassuring me. That would be awkward.

After I posted my original question, I heard this story on NPR. I also heard another similar story, but can't find the link.

Want to be an Ally

Catherine

Maryn

Baaa!

Catherine

Maryn

Baaa!

Diana Hignutt

Very Tired

Maryn

Baaa!

Catherine

danatcsimpson

Catherine