Could I please get a quick trans-sensitivity check (272 words)?

Simpson17866

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EDIT: I've since decided that even if I get this general concept figured out – which, with the points that Kuwisdelu raised, is turning out to be a pretty big "if" all on its own – that a passage like this one still wouldn't be the best way to introduce it. My sincerest thanks and apologies to everybody here who's reminded me that I don't know nearly as much about what I'm talking about as I like to think I do.

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This is for my Urban Fantasy series: the speaker was born in the supernatural realms, but lives with her father in the mortal world, while her best friend lives in the supernatural realms.

“I don’t actually feel right saying I'm a trans woman in this world; I feel like a have to say I'm a cis woman. I mean, look, I get the science; Mom and Dad found out that I was going to be born a female with XY chromosomes, they got in touch with a gene therapist, I was born with XX instead. I get it: from a purely scientific point, I am technically a trans woman, and in your world, there's nothing wrong with me saying that.

In your world, nothing matters except the science of gender identity. Nobody adds any extra nonsense on top of that; in your world, being transgender means living from childhood in the body you deserve and of nobody bothering you about it. In your world, there’s nothing wrong with me telling people that this is a life experience that I’m a part of.

It’s just that in this world, there so much more to being transgender than just the science. In this world, you don’t get to transition in the first place until you’ve lived with the dysphoria for a while, and you might not even get to transition at all. In this world, you can get harassed or even physically threatened, by strangers and by the people who are supposed to love you, just because they ‘don’t like your kind.’

Do you have any idea how many people have been driven to suicide in this world because of all the extra baggage that other people create?

I don’t have any context in my own life for knowing what any of that feels like, so it wouldn’t be right for me to claim that life experience for myself.”​

I'm still not sure if I'm going to keep this as a monologue, turn it into a dialogue, or drop it entirely – which would impact how I fill this in with action, description, and scene setting – but if I'm making any (edit: "more") crucial mistakes that I'm not yet aware of, then monologue vs. dialogue isn't the thing I need to worry about the most.

Am I making any crucial mistakes here?
 
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ManInBlack

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I'm not so sure about this line. I'm not fully sure what to recommend considering that the passage seems to be about whether cis or trans is the more appropriate adjective for this person, but it definitely comes off as a bit cisnormative which doesn't seem to be intended by the rest of the passage. Barring input from someone with more experience, I would probably suggest "pre-emptively changed my anatomy" or something after the last comma.

Mom and Dad found out that I was going to be born male-to-female, they got in touch with a gene therapist, I was born pure-female instead.​

 

Simpson17866

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I'm not so sure about this line. I'm not fully sure what to recommend considering that the passage seems to be about whether cis or trans is the more appropriate adjective for this person, but it definitely comes off as a bit cisnormative which doesn't seem to be intended by the rest of the passage. Barring input from someone with more experience, I would probably suggest "pre-emptively changed my anatomy" or something after the last comma.
Yikes, yeah I see that :( Thanks

"I would've been born a male-to-female, they got in touch with a gene therapist who transitioned me in the womb"?

Thanks everyone for everything so far.
 
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kuwisdelu

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“I don’t actually feel right identifying as a transwoman in this world. I mean, look, I get the science; Mom and Dad found out that I was going to be born male-to-female, they got in touch with a gene therapist, I was born pure-female instead. I get it: from a purely scientific point, I am technically a transwoman, and in your world, there's nothing wrong with me saying that.​


"Pure-female" is a phrase that you really, really don't want to use here. I'm a trans woman and I'm purely female as far as I'm concerned.

Being "born male-to-female" is a phrase that also irks, and doesn't really make any sense. It's an unfortunately-worded phrase that describes the direction of transition, not a state of being.

Also, most trans women (it's "trans woman", not "transwoman") don't really "identify" as trans women. Being trans is a byproduct of the society in which we live (which seems to be part of what your character is trying to express, badly). We identify as women, just like cis women identify as women.

Being trans is mostly about a discrepancy between one's gender and one's assigned-sex-at-birth (and Western culture's strong association between sex and gender). If your character transitioned before birth, and therefore wasn't assigned the wrong sex at birth, then I'm not sure I'd really qualify that as being trans. That would seem more like some kind of intersex condition to me. Or perhaps an entirely different concept that more fits that world.

Also, scientifically, do you mean that this character's chromosomes are actually transitioned to XX via gene therapy? That seems... scientifically difficult, and not particularly necessary to achieve medical transition. Some kind of in-utero hormone therapy would be easier and more likely than gene therapy.

Lastly, the consequences of the idea that parents could scientifically determine transness prior to birth personally horrifies me.​
 
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Simpson17866

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"Pure-female" is a phrase that you really, really don't want to use here. I'm a trans woman and I'm purely female as far as I'm concerned.

Being "born male-to-female" is a phrase that also irks, and doesn't really make any sense. It's an unfortunately-worded phrase that describes the direction of transition, not a state of being.

Also, most trans women (it's "trans woman", not "transwoman") don't really "identify" as trans women. Being trans is a byproduct of the society in which we live (which seems to be part of what your character is trying to express, badly). We identify as women, just like cis women identify as women.

Being trans is mostly about a discrepancy between one's gender and one's assigned-sex-at-birth (and Western culture's strong association between sex and gender). If your character transitioned before birth, and therefore wasn't assigned the wrong sex at birth, then I'm not sure I'd really qualify that as being trans. That would seem more like some kind of intersex condition to me. Or perhaps an entirely different concept that more fits that world.

Also, scientifically, do you mean that this character's chromosomes are actually transitioned to XX via gene therapy? That seems... scientifically difficult, and not particularly necessary to achieve medical transition. Some kind of in-utero hormone therapy would be easier and more likely than gene therapy.

Lastly, the consequences of the idea that parents could scientifically determine transness prior to birth personally horrifies me.
I cannot begin to thank you all enough for everything I now know I need to work on.

Especially that last part.