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I'm a little late responding...but better late than never I would have to add that other women of his group would have been able to handle him, it was stupid to say only she could take him, big eye roll on that one...but when I read it at 13 it never bothered me. Now at 43 I'm rolling my eyes....sorry but most women can handle most men, even the well endowed.Especially because those girls were hitting puberty rather earlier than girls in hunter/gather societies tend to, and they were "deflowered" shortly thereafter, not waiting for 2-3 years for full physical maturity after, so they were often just 12-13.
To be fair to Auel, her sex scenes were never just about penis/vagina. Still, ow. I never saw the point of having Jondalar being so big and having Ayla be the one woman who could truly handle him. Surely there's more to being soul mates than having your parts fit just so.
Before registering yesterday, I skimmed through various threads under the Romance/Women's Fiction header to see if it might feel like a good fit. I've been looking for a place to talk with others who write women's fiction and haven't had much luck finding a place with like-minded women. I didn't skim through this thread, I read every word. I wish I'd been here a few months ago when y'all were actively having the conversation! If I quoted everything I'd like to comment on, this would be a five-page reply.
Just a few days ago, I was talking with the man in my life about my manuscript.
The man: I'll help you write your sex scenes.
Me: Thank you, but I'm not writing this to submit it to Hustler.
The man: But if you wrote hot sex scenes, men might buy it.
Me: I don't care if men buy it. It's for women.
The man: Women don't like sex scenes? You like sex scenes, why do you think other's don't?
Me: I didn't say we don't like sex scenes, I do like them, but that's not the focus of the book. The sex scenes are more like nachos at the movie theater.
The man: Like cheerleaders during football?
Me: <sigh> Yeah, like that ...
The man: Okay, well, if you need help, let me know. We could watch porn together and you could take notes.
Me: I'll be in my office.
But you've all given great advice here. I'm not a shy or modest person but I've been putting off writing it. Shea's husband has been sleeping on a buddy's couch for a few weeks while they work through a rough patch in their marriage. They still see each other and talk daily and they're close to getting things resolved, but the I've been able to put off sex so far because this is a subplot and she has bigger issues going on. But it's going to need to happen soon. I'll be going back through this thread within the next few days and using your thoughts and suggestions to figure it out. Thank you!
The other thing that concerns me was touched on a couple times - worrying about who might eventually read it. Clients? The man's female friends? My daughter? The man's daughter? My best friend's husband? Aaaggh. Don't mind me while I crawl under my desk and hide.
Regardless, I really enjoyed your comments, attitudes, experiences and suggestions. All of YOU are the women I hoping to find in a writing forum!
Couldn't you publish under a pseudonym, if you're worried about people reading it?
There's ONE thing I haven't written about before and it gave me the OMGs for about a week, but I think I've made my peace. (I can change the name of that folder on my computer to "research." )
I just read the other day a book called "Be a Sex-Writing Strumpet" by Stacia Kane because I saw it recommended in multiple threads all over these forums. There is some valuable discussion about all the ways it's useful for sex to serve characterization and the plot, which you might find helpful. She also draws on a wide variety of samples relevant to level of heat and detail.
Another thing that is helpful is choosing the "level" of language that you're comfortable with (though you might want to consider if it fits your POV character, too). You can write emotional content without being too explicit.
Thank you for the welcomes, Ladies! I can't tell you how happy I am to find you! Was smiling yesterday and the man asked what was up. Told him I'd found a group of women to talk writing with. "Oh thank God," was his response.
I've never been self-conscious about writing sex scenes. Having other people read them, on the other hand...
I wrote a lot of erotica when I was younger, and in retrospect I do wish I'd done it under a pen name. Especially after, at one of my day jobs, I made the mistake of mentioning to my coworkers that I was a writer, and they Googled my name and then decided to tease me relentlessly about what they found, with the guys making remarks like "ha ha you must be pretty wild huh?" Fun times. /sarcasm
the 'foreplay' part of sex scenes is the part I like to focus on most
the girls seemed to get off VERY quickly with not much effort from the guy
in retrospect I do wish I'd done it under a pen name
It's so great when you find people who are as excited about writing as you are (e.g. on these forums!) and you can talk about every little detail, where you know your friends or SOs would look at you blankly when you say the same things. When non-writers ask me about my writing I've learned to kind of gloss over things and speak in general terms and avoid going into too much detail as I know they don't REALLY want to hear all that, even if they claim to be interested.
Oh, that would have been very awkward! I've written mostly vanilla sex scenes and there are some characters I just can't imagine talking dirty so I don't know if I can make them to do that. haha. But I need to get more into practice with writing sex scenes in general. I think the 'foreplay' part of sex scenes is the part I like to focus on most anyway, but obviously you need the fireworks at the end too, at least if you're writing romance
I recently read a series of four rock star romance books which I quite liked, but every book was about a different couple, and almost every sex scene in every book went through the same motions. I felt like I was reading the same scene over and over, and the girls seemed to get off VERY quickly with not much effort from the guy. For me that didn't work because it just wasn't realistic for ALL women. Maybe some women have that experience but definitely all don't. I like to be able to believe the sex scenes I'm reading, or else they become less interesting to me.
I'm a little late responding...but better late than never I would have to add that other women of his group would have been able to handle him, it was stupid to say only she could take him, big eye roll on that one...but when I read it at 13 it never bothered me. Now at 43 I'm rolling my eyes....sorry but most women can handle most men, even the well endowed.
Ha...love this...how very nice of him And you're response "I'll be in my office." made me howl. It should read, "I'll be in my office. Watching porn." lol.
If you're worried about people seeing it, just publish under a false name. That's my plan. I have my name and logo picked out. Cart before the horse but I find it helps when I'm stuck to go on the creative side and start doing artsy stuff. And Welcome
(You know, anyone struggling to write a sex scene, no matter how sweet and not-especially-graphic it needs to be, can find help at the Erotica board. Just a reminder.)
(You know, anyone struggling to write a sex scene, no matter how sweet and not-especially-graphic it needs to be, can find help at the Erotica board. Just a reminder.)
I've looked back over all the women's fic novels I've read recently (holy crap I spend too much time reading!) and not one of them go into that much detail in the sex scenes.
To me, writing sex scenes is comparable to having a baby. When you go into labor with your first, you're uncomfortable with every stranger in the place putting their hands in your hoo-ha. But after some pain and suffering, once you get that epidural you just don't care anymore. And then, by the time you have that second or third kid, you *really* don't care anymore and are on the verge of charging admission just to offset the hospital costs.