Is it a lie to end hopefully if things didn't turn out great?

Myrealana

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I have long wanted to write a memoir about raising my autistic son.

I want to end it where he graduates from high school. Among the many things we were told he would never, ever be able to do, one of them was to get his HS diploma, so the day he walked on that stage in his cap and gown, I decided I wanted to write the book about how we got there.

At the time, he had been accepted into college and was going to study biochemistry. It was all coming together after 18 long years of struggle. We worked, and fought and we got there. That's my story.

Well, today, he's 22. He dropped out of college after one semester because he failed every single class. He tried again a year later and again, failed half of his classes (yes, an improvement, but not enough.) He's still living with us, and has gone through 8 jobs in that time, not yet finding his place. I don't want to talk about that in the book. Navigating adulthood is a completely different journey.

Is it too much of a deception to end the book where he's graduating and we're looking forward with hope?
 

Fruitbat

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Sure, you can end it there if you want to. I don't see any deception about it. :)
 

CathleenT

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Not at all, IMO, it's just the end of an arc. Your story is your son graduating from high school and what it took to get there.

Besides, he's still alive. You don't know how it ends yet. If you waited for it, you might never write the memoir.

I've written five flash memoirs, and they all end happily, even though the story went on to become unhappy in places. I don't think it's dishonest at all to end an arc on a happy note.
 
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cornflake

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What's deceptive about it? That's what happened.

No one can tell the future. If you write it including everything up to today, seek an agent, sell it to a house, etc., and by the time it goes to print, your son has discovered an area of interest none of you had known of, had an apprenticeship or done a vocational program, gotten a job at a small company, and is doing really well, would you consider the thing deception?

Tell the story you want to tell within the parameters you want to tell it -- that's kind of what a memoir is, after all.
 

MaeZe

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I see nothing deceptive.

But if you're concerned about messaging, you could add an epilogue after you finish depending on how you felt when you got to the end you are currently planning.

And as for a negative ending, that isn't necessarily true either. Ups and downs are the norms for most of us and our kids, regardless of other factors. If you knew me at 18, you would never in a million years think I'd be where I am now.
 
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escritora

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I wouldn't call it deception, per se. But it is misleading. I understand everyone's point. Simply don't agree. As a reader, there would be an expectation that he ended up with some type of success. Even if it's not spelled out in the book. Of course, he's still young and that can I happen down the line. I like Mae's idea about the epilogue. Believe that solves the problem (for the lack of a better word).
 

mccardey

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Not deceptive, no. But I wonder if you're missing the most important and powerful part of the memoir that way? Perhaps while you're writing it, you might find something to add as an epilogue about the success - which is undeniable and a great credit to him and to all of you - playing out differently once again?
 

Roxxsmom

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No matter how triumphant one is at a given point in time, no matter what goals one has achieved, more heartache, failure, and frustration is around the corner. This too shall pass, as the old saying goes. Any story, fiction or non fiction, that captures a triumphant episode in someone's life will omit the struggles and setbacks that follow. I don't think that's deceptive, just a matter of focus.

The epilogue idea has merit, though, and there's nothing wrong with framing it as a new chapter in his life that has brought new challenges.
 
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Isvari

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First, I wish you all the best with your son. You are incredibly strong!

To answer your question, I think it depends on the memoir. If you are writing a personal memoir that is meant to be accurate and veers on the side of "True Story Of Kid with Autism," then you might want an accurate Epilogue. If it's more fictionalized, I think it can end anywhere.
 

cornflake

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First, I wish you all the best with your son. You are incredibly strong!

To answer your question, I think it depends on the memoir. If you are writing a personal memoir that is meant to be accurate and veers on the side of "True Story Of Kid with Autism," then you might want an accurate Epilogue. If it's more fictionalized, I think it can end anywhere.

Wait, how does ending it in one place vs. another make it fictionalized?
 

frimble3

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I'm another vote for ending it where you planned. Graduation is generally considered 'the end of an era', so it seems an excellent end-point. Sure, put in an epilogue if you want to suggest that the future wasn't all roses. But, his struggles as a young adult seem to deserve a book of their own.
You aren't trying to cover his whole life, after all - where would you end it, if not at graduation?
Looking forward with hope is an excellent way to end a book.

*And, do look forward with hope. He's only 22, and changing environments can be hard, not just for people with autism. I know people who burned through way more than 8 jobs in a couple of years, and they eventually found something that worked for them.
 

Siri Kirpal

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Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

Memoirs are not supposed to tell everything; they're supposed to tell a selection of everything. So, go ahead and tell the story the way you want to tell it.

I'm not opposed to the epilogue idea, but really, everyone thought he wouldn't be able to graduate high school, so maybe he'll beat the odds with the rest of his life too. It may just take him longer. (And truth to tell, it takes a lot of people longer for success in the so-called real world. I was high school valedictorian and I was 29 when I graduated from college.)

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal
 

Isvari

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I think that both versions can be realistic. I just would hate for people to feel less happy or positive or supportive when they google about your real story, if that makes sense. Writing is very much about branding as well. I would write what you want to write and then be careful to be honest about branding is all.
 

Irene Eng

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F. Scott Fitzgerald once said (loosely) that there are no second acts in American lives.
Defy it.
Write your memoir ending with the high note - at high school graduation. And your son's second act may bring you to even higher note.
Good luck in writing and good luck to your son and your family.

Keep us posted.
 

A.M.O.

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There is no end, nor beginning, but memoir allows you to choose. Set the parameters where you can celebrate the accomplishment. It is huge and it is the encouragement that so many of us need. Bask and revel. You will again, anyhow. No deception needed.
 

Ravioli

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The omission of information is only a "lie" when truth/disclosure is owed. You don't owe your readers the full story, much less parts of his adulthood when the book is about his childhood/youth. Also, hopeful is the best you can be when things aren't going well. Optimism isn't a lie as long as it doesn't become (self-)deception in the face of clear signs that the situation is hopeless. My educational background is similar to your son's and so is my resummé, and I recently realized I am autistic myself. But, while 35 now, I did manage for the first time to hold a respectable job at a huge company for more than a year. So it really can get better, and there is nothing wrong with being hopeful for it.