Is this wording/imagery wrong for a picture book?

Raen

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Hi everyone. I'm new.

I had an idea for a picture book, and went ahead and wrote it down, which was a lot of fun, but the word count ended up at about 1800, which apparently is too long. Also, maybe the language is too...advanced? Here's the first bit:

Francis wallowed.

He felt the familiar ooze of slimy mud squishing between his long, elegant toes.
This was his life, the pond life, where he had hatched, where he had transitioned from his strange, fishy infancy to his current illustrious adult form. Francis was a tree frog: a creature of land, water, and air, a creature whose magnificently sticky foot pads could scale great heights, whose powerful hind legs could thrust his limber body high into the air, whose slick skin could glide through the water as smoothly as a catfish, whose stretchy cheeks could blast out air in a gorgeous call for attention.

He was better than this, he thought, as the humid air filled with the sound of crickets and his fellow frogs. He imagined a life of adventure, of glamour, a life that he could have, if only he was somewhere less…pond. Somewhere fabulous.

The lukewarm mud sucked listlessly at his soft, pale belly. A fly buzzed by. Francis’ lightning-fast tongue, the result of billions of years of perfect evolution, snatched it out of the air, and he found himself swallowing it compulsively. He wasn’t even hungry. He didn’t even like flies.

Lots happens, there's good conflict, and Francis ends up happy in the end.

What say you? Is this doomed?

Also, if anyone would be interested in reading the whole thing and giving me feedback, I would so appreciate it.


This is an illustration I did for the book, which I know isn't really a thing you're supposed to do, but here it is, anyway. https://scontent-dft4-2.xx.fbcdn.ne...=18554ffd48b2c2b1f14a333af2cbcbe4&oe=59FD65C3
 
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Lakey

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I cannot address your question, but I do want to say that your illustration is beautiful (as is your excerpt).
 

Curlz

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This sounds and looks like a book for adults, pictures or not.
 

mrsmig

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Unfortunately, you need a minimum of 50 posts at AW before you can request either a crit or a beta reader for your work.

Once you've got your 50 posts, you can start a thread for crit in the Share Your Work subforum and ask for a beta reader in the beta readers subforum. Meantime, I encourage you to head over to the New Members subforum and introduce yourself. You'll get a proper welcome and links that'll help you get acquainted with AW.

Glad to have you with us!
 
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escritora

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Here's a PB with a similar concept: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/sa...d=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP3389&k_clickid=3x3389

Samson wasn’t like other piranhas. While other piranhas stayed close to home He wanted to explore the world. And while they stuck to the same old routine, swimming and chomping and scaring, Samson liked to try new things Most of all, Samson dreamed of eating fine foods at fancy restaurants.

Perhaps give it a read for inspiration on how to write and structure the story.
 

Raen

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Oh, oops! I didn't realize. Sorry!

- - - Updated - - -

Thanks, escritora.

- - - Updated - - -

This sounds and looks like a book for adults, pictures or not.
Yeah, this is what I'm worried about. The story is kid-appropriate, but I don't know about the feel. Thanks for the feedback.
 

mrsmig

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Just a warning that you're also going to get dinged on the size of your image, which is well above the AW limit of 400x400, 72 dpi. Here's a link about AW's image size requirements: On Keeping Images to AW Standards. You'll probably want to reduce the image before a mod comes along.
 

Cyia

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Brillig in the slithy toves...
"Rule" of thumb for picture books, try and keep them between 500-1200 words total. Aim for a sentence or two per page. Simpler structures are better.

If you're wanting an "educational" style book, with facts and such (like The Magic School Bus), then your word counts can be higher, but still max out in the 2000's, and they need a clean / clearly defined structure.

PB's are far less conversational than regular novels.
 

Raen

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Just a warning that you're also going to get dinged on the size of your image, which is well above the AW limit of 400x400, 72 dpi. Here's a link about AW's image size requirements: On Keeping Images to AW Standards. You'll probably want to reduce the image before a mod comes along.

Thanks. I guess I should read more about the rules of this forum.

- - - Updated - - -

"Rule" of thumb for picture books, try and keep them between 500-1200 words total. Aim for a sentence or two per page. Simpler structures are better.

If you're wanting an "educational" style book, with facts and such (like The Magic School Bus), then your word counts can be higher, but still max out in the 2000's, and they need a clean / clearly defined structure.

PB's are far less conversational than regular novels.

Thanks. :)
 

Debbie V

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Picture books are now averaging about 500 words. Narrative non-fiction can go much longer. Visit a library and book store and read as much as you can. Ask for books published within the past two years. You'll get a better sense.
 

Tiggy

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The language is way too advanced. Cut out most of the descriptive words, and simplify the rest. And cut the total words by two thirds.




Francis wallowed.

He felt the familiar ooze of slimy mud squishing between his long, elegant toes.


Francis felt the slimy mud between his long toes.




This was his life, the pond life, where he had hatched, where he had transitioned from his strange, fishy infancy to his current illustrious adult form. Francis was a tree frog: a creature of land, water, and air, a creature whose magnificently sticky foot pads could scale great heights, whose powerful hind legs could thrust his limber body high into the air, whose slick skin could glide through the water as smoothly as a catfish, whose stretchy cheeks could blast out air in a gorgeous call for attention.

Francis was a tree frog: a creature of land, water, and air. A creature whose sticky foot pads could scale great heights, whose powerful hind legs could jump him high into the air, whose slippery skin could glide him smoothly through the water, whose stretchy cheeks could blast out gorgeous music.




He was better than this, he thought, as the humid air filled with the sound of crickets and his fellow frogs. He imagined a life of adventure, of glamour, a life that he could have, if only he was somewhere less…pond. Somewhere fabulous.

He thought he was better than this. As the air filled with the sound of crickets and his fellow frogs, he imagined a life of adventure, of glamour, a life that he could have, if only he was somewhere less…pondy. Somewhere fabulous




The lukewarm mud sucked listlessly at his soft, pale belly. A fly buzzed by. Francis’ lightning-fast tongue, the result of billions of years of perfect evolution, snatched it out of the air, and he found himself swallowing it compulsively. He wasn’t even hungry. He didn’t even like flies.

He didn’t even like flies.
 

t0dd

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While I agree that the text is too long for a children's picture book, I like the description of your character as "a creature of land, water, and air". Poetic.
 

emstar94

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Love the illustration !! Beautiful.

The descriptions and imagery is also fantastic however possibly a little advanced for little ones in parts such as 'illustrious', however I really like the rest
 

K. Wilcox

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That is such beautiful writing! It isn't a picture book. Don't try to make it one. Picture books simply can't have that much description, or the words and pictures together give so much that it leaves nothing for the imagination and becomes redundant and boring. But ceratianly make it into what it wants to become! (which isn't a picture book.)
 

Raen

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Thank you, everyone, for all the input.

I rewrote the book entirely, cut it down to about 500 words, and illustrated it. I'm agent shopping right now (ugh).

I do love the writing and illustrating part, though.
 

Debbie V

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According to this guide (https://kindlepreneur.com/how-to-write-a-childrens-book/) 1800 pages is fine for a picture story book. Apparently the appropriate word count is between 1000 - 3000 words.

Print picture story books are no longer a thing. Kids are graduating to full fledged chapter books by second grade. You will still find non-fiction picture books at this length, but not fiction (except the rare book written by someone with clout--history of phenomenal sales and a following). E-publishing, as on Kindle, is different.