Obsessive Rep Point Checkers Club (Volume VI)

NathanBrazil said:

Morning, Reppers.

Bry, like kids screaming and throwing a fit in public? Maybe coddling has been the trend for a few decades ... I don't know. Still makes me want to take them outside and give them a few good whacks on the butt with the business end of a brush ... or whatever's to hand. The parents, not the kids. They choose the quick and easy fix, and give them what they want, and create a lifetime of problems for the kid.

I've got a sister-in-law whose filter is all but failing. She can definitely be entertaining, but I can only take her in small doses. Just too much cynicism for me.

I probably won't be back til later tonight. We're going to be taking my dad's ashes to their final resting place. I guess it's kind of like a final good bye.

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Ah, that's hard, Nate. I hope you can celebrate his life as well as mourn his death. Life is a cycle, and everything that dies must first live (I stole that from Bruce Cockburn). He is there in your heart. The ashes are the remnants of an empty vessel.

A big virtual hug for you.

And thanks for not calling me a crotchety old woman...

Thanks, M. He passed last November and everything leading up to his death was ... I was a basket case last year. Moms is having a tough time on her own now. Hopefully her house will sell soon.

It took my mom a long time to establish an independent life. It’s been something like close to 30 years since my dad died and I think she still misses him. But so do I, just not as keenly

NathanBrazil said:

Morning, Reppers.

Bry, like kids screaming and throwing a fit in public? Maybe coddling has been the trend for a few decades ... I don't know. Still makes me want to take them outside and give them a few good whacks on the butt with the business end of a brush ... or whatever's to hand. The parents, not the kids. They choose the quick and easy fix, and give them what they want, and create a lifetime of problems for the kid.

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So preaching to the choir. Children need to learn boundries and consequences. And failure, and learning how to lose gracefully.

NathanBrazil said:

I've got a sister-in-law whose filter is all but failing. She can definitely be entertaining, but I can only take her in small doses. Just too much cynicism for me.

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Generally I’m more comical than cynical. Except for certain hot button issues which I tend to stay away from, except when I don’t. But that’s what the delete button is for right?

NathanBrazil said:

I probably won't be back til later tonight. We're going to be taking my dad's ashes to their final resting place. I guess it's kind of like a final good bye.

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I hope you find your peace in his.

My dad and I had a complex relationship. The last 3 or 4 years, he was deteriorating mentally, but there's still some heavy baggage between us. Some part of me thinks - that i'll be able to hash that out, even though realistically it's never going to happen. It reminds me of this scene from Five Easy Pieces. I'm just stuck with both sides (his and mine) and it forms a sort of ugliness inside, but I hope I can work through that somehow - eventually.

ETA: Bry - exactly. The delete button is your filter.

I’m walking out the door at 12:10am, saying to my mother, “I can’t believe you kept me up this late. You are a bad influence.”

Ya know what she said to me? “Now that we have that cleared up.” As if I was some kind of “not perfect angel” (in her eyes) to begin with. What is this world coming to.

This has been, and continues to be one of the oddest journeys of my life. I’m glad I’m here, and could be here. But right now, I so wish I was home.

NaBra - I resolved my morass with a letter. It’s awfully hard to have them talk back when you write them a letter.

Bry, that's an excellent idea. I don't know if you've read The Lightkeepers, but the mc writes letters to her mother throughout the book. Her mother had passed when she was 13. In some ways she had been trying to work through those issues all of her life.

NathanBrazil said:

My dad and I had a complex relationship. The last 3 or 4 years, he was deteriorating mentally, but there's still some heavy baggage between us. Some part of me thinks - that i'll be able to hash that out, even though realistically it's never going to happen. It reminds me of this scene from Five Easy Pieces. You're just stuck with both sides (his and mine) and it forms a sort of ugliness inside, but you hope you can work through that somehow - eventually.

ETA: Bry - exactly. The delete button is your filter.

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I wonder if this is often how it is. Time—I know this is trite—heals. I found that the more I accepted my father as human the more i could allow him his flaws and mistakes. The more i learn how to forgive myself and be compassionate with myself, the more those rough places sink into the haze of history. What is left is the love of a child for her father. Oy, here come the tears.

Nate, if I could find piece with such a fraught relationship as the one with my dad, you can too. Give it time.

NathanBrazil said:

Bry, that's an excellent idea. I don't know if you've read The Lightkeepers, but the mc writes letters to her mother throughout the book. Her mother had passed when she was 13. In some ways she had been trying to work through those issues all of her life.

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But in some ways, we are all trying to work through our parent-child issues all of our lives.

im going to have to write about how I’ve had the opportunity to work through many of these issues with my Mom over the past 10 years. It’s been amazing.

Good afternoon, reppers!

I have very few issues with my parents, and those that exist are minor. Having a good relationship with them both makes living at home a lot more enjoyable.

Good morning, V and M. That's right, I happen to be a geographic-centrist ... so morning.

M, it definitely wasn't all bad between us, and if I'm being fair, there was more good than bad. I'm not sure those rough spots will ever truly fade away, but perhaps I can find forgiveness for him and myself.

NathanBrazil said:

Bry, that's an excellent idea. I don't know if you've read The Lightkeepers, but the mc writes letters to her mother throughout the book. Her mother had passed when she was 13. In some ways she had been trying to work through those issues all of her life.

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I haven’t read the book but it sounds interesting. I will keep it in mind There are so many times where I have had entire conversations with another person in my head, and it almost never leads anywhere. That was when I resorted to writing a letter (it was actually a journal / diary). It helped me to focus and deal with my feelings and my situation without me trying to allow for their argument / excuses.

MRFAndover said:

But in some ways, we are all trying to work through our parent-child issues all of our lives.

im going to have to write about how I’ve had the opportunity to work through many of these issues with my Mom over the past 10 years. It’s been amazing.

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Isn’t that the saying though? Parenting — giving your children something to talk to a therapist about since therapists were invented?

LadyV said:

Good afternoon, reppers!

I have very few issues with my parents, and those that exist are minor. Having a good relationship with them both makes living at home a lot more enjoyable.

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It’s a wonderful thing when you have a good relationship with your parents. I know quite a few people who do. Sometimes I am envious of them, but for the most part, I just get their parents to adopt me . For my bio parents, it is what it is.

NathanBrazil said:

Good morning, V and M. That's right, I happen to be a geographic-centrist ... so morning.

M, it definitely wasn't all bad between us, and if I'm being fair, there was more good than bad. I'm not sure those rough spots will ever truly fade away, but perhaps I can find forgiveness for him and myself.

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Even for as difficult as my childhood was, I remember some happy moments. I think a big part of achieving that forgiveness is recognizing that those rough spots do not negate the happy times, or those times when your parents were supportive.

NathanBrazil said:

Good morning, V and M. That's right, I happen to be a geographic-centrist ... so morning.

M, it definitely wasn't all bad between us, and if I'm being fair, there was more good than bad. I'm not sure those rough spots will ever truly fade away, but perhaps I can find forgiveness for him and myself.

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Lady V., you're one of the few who is blessed with a fairly untroubled parental relationship. Enjoy!

Nate, there were good times and rough times with my dad. He wasn't a saint, which is what my brother used to think, nor was he a "bad dad" like I used to think. I think when you can see your parents as human as well as parents and yourself as human as well as however else you see yourself, like gets more enjoyable.

I'd bet anything that Lady V's parents did a good job setting boundaries and limits and enabling Lady V to be human as a child and as an adult. It just makes life so much more livable.

Well, the Hashahar has finally arrived. And it's a white lid. Hmmm. We've tried it and it is delicious, but it's reminding us of something. Maybe the chocolate that's in the Hostess chocolate pudding pies. Do we refrigerate after opening?

NathanBrazil said:

Well, the Hashahar has finally arrived. And it's a white lid. Hmmm. We've tried it and it is delicious, but it's reminding us of something. Maybe the chocolate that's in the Hostess chocolate pudding pies. Do we refrigerate after opening?

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I'm pretty sure that you don't refrigerate it. But I wouldn't let it sit around too long either.

Does it remind you of Nutella?

And I'm really glad you like it. Whew! I've never seen it with a white lid, though. Just yellow and red.

It says it's for spreads and cakes. I doesn't really remind me of Nutella. Well, it's in the fridge for now. We were thinking of maybe using it as cake frosting or perhaps ... we could dip some strawberries in it. Honestly, not sure how to best use it.

MRFAndover said:

I'd bet anything that Lady V's parents did a good job setting boundaries and limits and enabling Lady V to be human as a child and as an adult. It just makes life so much more livable.

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You would be correct. My parents simply let me be who I am, same with my brother. They didn't try to force either of us to act a certain, and for that I am grateful because I was the unique one. As for boundaries, I think they were pretty average. My parents gave us some leeway with certain things, but if we messed up, we got grounded. I think another thing that helped with the good relationship I have with my parents is their own healthy relationship.

LadyV said:

I think another thing that helped with the good relationship I have with my parents is their own healthy relationship.

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I think that's a really good point, LadyV. When you treat your kids as you describe they treated you and your brother and they model what a healthy relationship looks like, it's golden.

My parents modeled what a healthy relationship looks like, for the most part, but didn't do a good job of treating my brother and me as fellow human beings. What I love so much about my mom is that over the years, she got it. She won't admit there was anything to get, but you can tell from her behavior (and when she slips up, ha ha).

Good morning, Monday and all.

You every have those day when you wake up and feel like a tree stump?

Well, maybe. Actually more like this.

Morning, Southie and all.

Nate
I'm just staring at the stairs--trees don't do stairs.

Well if were to convert that tree to ... something else, I think it could make short work of those stairs.

FUN!

Hey, did you know when you're tired and feel like a stump, people are super annoying?

... Hey, now. I think it's time for your coffee ... once I'm done, and maybe a little music.

It is time for coffee!

I really think the general public should know when I'm tired and avoid me--or speak in full sentences so I have time to process.