Bad Joke Thread

Who authored the only authorized biography of Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Al B. Back

Spaceranger82 said:

Who authored the only authorized biography of Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Al B. Back

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Who wrote the screenplay for Chuck Berry's as of yet unmade biopic?

Johnny B. Goode

A guy walks into a pet shop and says: "I want to buy a wasp, please." The shop owner says: "I'm sorry, we don't sell wasps." The guy says: "Oh, I saw one in the window."

Why did Milwaukee call their NBA team Bucks?



Because they are worth lots of money.

After a commercial painter watered down his paint, his conscience told him, "Repaint, you thinner."

Knock knock

Who's there?

To.

To who?

No, "to whom."

What do you say to a turkey that talks too much?


Stuff it.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out of ammunition and surrounded by hostile Indians on all sides.

Lone Ranger: "Well, Tonto, looks like we won't live through this."

Tonto: "What do you mean, 'we'?"

"Why you looking so miserable, Pete?"

"On the way home last night I was mugged by six dwarves. Not happy."

What did the mama Buffalo say to her little boy as he went to school?

"Bison."

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?"


Because every play has a cast.

Did you hear about the new pirates movie?


It's rated arrrrrrrrr

Have you ever been to Central America?


You better Belize it.

What did the gallery owner say about the painting of the lawyer?

That it was, "crooked."

What happens when a lawyer goes bad? He becomes a politician.

What happens when a politician goes bad?

They become a president.

"Did you find out what the battery sales lady was doing at the beach?"

"Yeah, she sells C cells on the sea shore."

Two desperate grave robbers approached the pharaoh's tomb. They'd finally found the magic flutes they needed to play at the precisely the same time in order to break the ancient enchantment over the door. They had escaped the devils of Beelzebub Desert. They had outrun the jackals of the deepest jungles. They were tired. They were famished. They needed only one thing now: a toot in common.

What do you call a fish without eyes?

A Fsh

Q: What do you call a father who is toting stuff around?

A: Baghdad

What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink?


Water.

Q: What do you call a camel with no hump?

A: Humphrey

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, 'Do you know how to drive this thing?'