Daniel, you deserve a prize. That's got to be the worst joke on the thread.
Second the motion. So bad Dan'l had to explain it.
Bad Joke Thread
- Thread starter Keithy
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I guy gets a knock on his front door and goes to answer it. There is nobody at the door but when he looks down he sees a snail. The snail is looking up at him and says "how are ya?" The man kicks the snail off the doorstep. Ten months later the same man hears a knock at his front door and goes to answer it. He looks down and it's the snail. The snail says "what the hell was that for?"
This s-l-o-w joke calls for a retread of a bad joke offered months ago:
A snail was mugged by a gang of painted pet-shop turtles.
"All you can say is their shells were painted?" the police detective asked. "Can you at least describe the gang's colors?"
"I dunno. It all happened so fast!"
Organ grinder made money with the benefit of a dancing carrot.
Carrot tripped off the sidewalk and got hit by a car.
Old man rushed him to the hospital. "Please save my carrot!"
The doctor stepped out hours later. "I have good news and bad news."
Organ grinder was frantic. "I am destitute without him!"
"The good news is, he will live."
Organ grinder heaved a sigh of relief.
"The bad news is, he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
Carrot tripped off the sidewalk and got hit by a car.
Old man rushed him to the hospital. "Please save my carrot!"
The doctor stepped out hours later. "I have good news and bad news."
Organ grinder was frantic. "I am destitute without him!"
"The good news is, he will live."
Organ grinder heaved a sigh of relief.
"The bad news is, he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
Guy gets a new job and his boss says "we work seven days a week, six am until six pm. You get two thirty minute breaks and get paid at the end of each week. If you go to the other side of the building there is a parking lot, at the end of that parking lot is a barrel with a hole in the side of it. You can put your dick in there and get a blowjob. Any day of the week other than Thursday." The employee asks "Why not Thursday?" "Because that is your day in the barrel. "
Thank you. I have made it a goal in life to memorize as many jokes as possible. Even the bad ones.
I have strange ambitions.
First cannibal: "You enjoying your meal?"
Second cannibal: "No, this is the last time I eat a clown. It tastes funny."
Second cannibal: "No, this is the last time I eat a clown. It tastes funny."
Short joke: How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!
Long joke (In honor of my grandpa, rest in peace. He told me this. Not well, but he told it.): There was a brother and sister living in Ireland. The sister comes to the brother's house crying, and he, being a caring brother, asks her what's wrong. She says that her fiance, James Dunn, ran off on her to go see some other woman living in America.
Furious, the brother gets a plane ticket, and he goes right to America. How dare this man make his sister cry! He cows he's gonna fix this, mark his words!
Well, he gets to America, and he starts... wandering around, having no real insight as to anything about this Dunn person. He's still full of righteous rage, however! He wanders into a bar, slamming the door along the way, and he yells at the barkeep "I'm looking for James Dunn!"
The barkeep stares at him with a raised brow, before pointing to the bathroom.
The brother storms into the bathroom, and sees that indeed, there's a set of feet poking out in a stall.
He slams his fist on the closed door a few times, before yelling "ARE YOU DUNN?"
The man inside (Not wanting to cause a fight with this random stranger yelling at him in the toilet) quietly goes "Y-yes?"
The brother says "THEN WHY DON'T YOU COME HOME AND MARRY MY SISTER?"
Long joke (In honor of my grandpa, rest in peace. He told me this. Not well, but he told it.): There was a brother and sister living in Ireland. The sister comes to the brother's house crying, and he, being a caring brother, asks her what's wrong. She says that her fiance, James Dunn, ran off on her to go see some other woman living in America.
Furious, the brother gets a plane ticket, and he goes right to America. How dare this man make his sister cry! He cows he's gonna fix this, mark his words!
Well, he gets to America, and he starts... wandering around, having no real insight as to anything about this Dunn person. He's still full of righteous rage, however! He wanders into a bar, slamming the door along the way, and he yells at the barkeep "I'm looking for James Dunn!"
The barkeep stares at him with a raised brow, before pointing to the bathroom.
The brother storms into the bathroom, and sees that indeed, there's a set of feet poking out in a stall.
He slams his fist on the closed door a few times, before yelling "ARE YOU DUNN?"
The man inside (Not wanting to cause a fight with this random stranger yelling at him in the toilet) quietly goes "Y-yes?"
The brother says "THEN WHY DON'T YOU COME HOME AND MARRY MY SISTER?"
A blonde is at a Pepsi machine in Las Vegas. She puts in a dollar, gets a Pepsi. Puts in another dollar, gets another Pepsi. Puts in a third dollar, gets a third Pepsi. The lady behind her says "excuse me, would it be OK if I used the machine?" The blonde looks back and says "get lost, can't you see I am winning?"
I actually heard the punch-line to this joke about two years before finally finding out what the set-up was.
What do you get when you throw a hand-grenade into kitchen in France?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Have to say, it was a bit of a let-down.
What do you get when you throw a hand-grenade into kitchen in France?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Have to say, it was a bit of a let-down.
An elderly man and a guy with a rainbow mohawk are sitting next to each other on a bench. The old man is staring at the guy with the mohawk, and finally the guy with the mohawk has had enough.
"What, gramps, haven't you ever done anything crazy in your life?" he asks.
"Oh no, it's not that," the old man replies, "You see, I got drunk once and had sex with a parrot, and I was wondering if you were my son."
"What, gramps, haven't you ever done anything crazy in your life?" he asks.
"Oh no, it's not that," the old man replies, "You see, I got drunk once and had sex with a parrot, and I was wondering if you were my son."
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What do birds say on Halloween? Twick or Tweet
How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle his funny bone
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
How do you know vampires love baseball? They turn into bats
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack o lantern by it's diameter? Pumpkin Pi
What do you do when 50 zombies are surrounding your house? Hope it's Halloween.
Happy Halloween!
How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle his funny bone
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
How do you know vampires love baseball? They turn into bats
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack o lantern by it's diameter? Pumpkin Pi
What do you do when 50 zombies are surrounding your house? Hope it's Halloween.
Happy Halloween!
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