Bad Joke Thread
- Thread starter Keithy
- Start date
- Status
A question for the teachers out there- If the #2 pencil is so great, why isn't it #1?
-Wild Bill
-Wild Bill
I just bought a whole new set of living room furniture. I got it at a place called the Sofa King. I really love all the new stuff. I'm Sofa King happy.
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2017
- Messages
- 50
- Reaction score
- 5
A married couple is about to celebrate their 30th anniversary and the husband says to his wife "we should do something really special, thirty years is terrific." The wife says "I want a divorce." The husband looks at her for a moment and says "I was thinking we should do something less expensive."
A guy goes in for a job interview and the manger asks "what do you think is your biggest flaw?" Guy says "my biggest flaw is probably that I am so honest." Manager says "I don't think being honest is a flaw." Guy says "I don't care what you think!"
Famous Last words for my tombstone:
“Now maybe I can get some sleep”
“I finally got the in the last word with my wife- she died before me.”
“Here lies a lifelong Democrat. I never was rich enough to be a Republican.”
“I owe my long life and good health to the fact that I never ate sushi.”
“I had official proof of my insanity. I kept getting married.”
“I never met a dog I didn’t like.”
“I never was any good at algebra in school. Just as well, I never used it.”
“I told you I was sick.”
Choices, choices
“Now maybe I can get some sleep”
“I finally got the in the last word with my wife- she died before me.”
“Here lies a lifelong Democrat. I never was rich enough to be a Republican.”
“I owe my long life and good health to the fact that I never ate sushi.”
“I had official proof of my insanity. I kept getting married.”
“I never met a dog I didn’t like.”
“I never was any good at algebra in school. Just as well, I never used it.”
“I told you I was sick.”
Choices, choices
What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?
A firecracker.
Why does the Statue of Liberty stand so tall?
Because she can't sit down.
What's red, white, blue, and black?
Uncle Sam after falling down the stairs.
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a firecracker?
Dino-mite
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
It really cracked me up.
What new dance was created in 1776?
Indepen-Dance
What did one flag say to the other?
Nothing, it just waved.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom
Happy 4th of July!!!
A firecracker.
Why does the Statue of Liberty stand so tall?
Because she can't sit down.
What's red, white, blue, and black?
Uncle Sam after falling down the stairs.
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a firecracker?
Dino-mite
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
It really cracked me up.
What new dance was created in 1776?
Indepen-Dance
What did one flag say to the other?
Nothing, it just waved.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom
Happy 4th of July!!!
Last edited:
Lady - Do you drink?
Man - No, I used to but I quit cold turkey.
Lady - That must have been challenging.
Man - Well I was allergic to alcohol. Every time I got drunk I broke out into handcuffs.
Man - No, I used to but I quit cold turkey.
Lady - That must have been challenging.
Man - Well I was allergic to alcohol. Every time I got drunk I broke out into handcuffs.
(True story)
A woman named "Ferrari" gave birth extremely quickly and hemorrhaged badly afterwards.
Obstetrician to her: "Well, ma'am, your name suits you very well. That was quick! And red!"
He was the only one who laughed.
A woman named "Ferrari" gave birth extremely quickly and hemorrhaged badly afterwards.
Obstetrician to her: "Well, ma'am, your name suits you very well. That was quick! And red!"
He was the only one who laughed.
It was Grandpa's 100th birthday, and his family gathered together to throw him a big party. The frail old man was taken out on the lawn in his wheelchair and parked before his cake. Suddenly he began to lean to the left, so his great-grandaughter propped him up with a pillow on that side. Then he began to lean to the right, so another grandchild used his sweater to prop him up in the chair and keep him upright. A few seconds later Grandpa began to lean to the front, so the attendant pushing the chair gently pulled him to back. Then the candles were lit and everyone sang Happy Birthday.
Afterwards, the great-grandaughter said, "Grandpa, how does it feel to be a hundred?"
"Terrible!" Grandpa said. "I have to fart really bad and none of you will let me!"
Afterwards, the great-grandaughter said, "Grandpa, how does it feel to be a hundred?"
"Terrible!" Grandpa said. "I have to fart really bad and none of you will let me!"
A guy walks into a bar and sees three people and a dog playing poker. He goes over to the table and says "must be a smart dog." One of the players says "not exactly, anytime he has a good hand he wags his tail."
How do you win a small fortune in Las Vegas? By spending a large fortune.
A blonde is in Las Vegas and is standing at a Coke machine. She puts in a dollar, gets a Coke. Puts in another dollar, gets another Coke. After she puts in the third dollar and gets her third Coke the man behind her says "excuse me, would it be OK if I used the machine?" She looks back and says "not right now, can't you see I'm winning?"
How do you win a small fortune in Las Vegas? By spending a large fortune.
A blonde is in Las Vegas and is standing at a Coke machine. She puts in a dollar, gets a Coke. Puts in another dollar, gets another Coke. After she puts in the third dollar and gets her third Coke the man behind her says "excuse me, would it be OK if I used the machine?" She looks back and says "not right now, can't you see I'm winning?"
(Sorry but I have to)
Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first says, "I’ll have a beer."
The second says, "I’ll have half a beer."
The third says, "I’ll have a quarter of a beer."
Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them.
"How are we going to get drunk with so little?" say the mathematicians.
"Come on, now," he answers to the group, "You guys have got to learn your limits."
(Now I'll be leaving this thread)
Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first says, "I’ll have a beer."
The second says, "I’ll have half a beer."
The third says, "I’ll have a quarter of a beer."
Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them.
"How are we going to get drunk with so little?" say the mathematicians.
"Come on, now," he answers to the group, "You guys have got to learn your limits."
(Now I'll be leaving this thread)
- Status