Everyone I Know Is Terrified

StormChord · Nov 10, 2016

My facebook feed is in turmoil. Tumblr is pretty much on fire, full of people despairing and others begging them not to hurt themselves. My parents are subdued and sad. My brother is contemplating becoming batman. This is pretty bad for everybody - well, of course, not EVERYBODY: many people I see on the internet call us stupid for caring or being afraid, and ridicule us for calling them out on their decisions. They say that this is exacerbating the bipartisan split that made most of them VOTE for that circus peanut in the first place (apparently calling people racist and misogynistic hurt their widdle feelings so they decided to demolish our lifestyle in response)

But I realized something this morning: we're perfectly equipped to handle this.

I wrote this post in its entirety to comfort my facebook friends:

I just realized - all the scared people are saying "we're in this together, we'll support each other", and all the people who wanted this result are saying "HEY stop EXCLUDING us and DEMONIZING us this BIPARTISAN SPLIT IS WHY YOU LOST"

This is the same mindset that demands a space for heterosexual people in LGBT spaces, or recognition of whiteness as well as marginalized ethnic identities.
We are scared for our future and our loved ones, so we are turning inward to help each other. Those in the privileged position of NOT being afraid are feeling excluded and demanding to be included in our space of mutual support, despite the fact that they don't need it.

Gregory, who makes videos on my channel, put out a video yesterday that explicitly started off by saying "First off, if the election turned out the way you wanted, congratulations! This video is not for you. For all the rest of you, here's why this isn't the end of the world." And, as anticipated, the content warning at the beginning did nothing to dissuade those viewers who WANTED this election result from staying to watch, and then micromanaging every claim he made and telling those in our camp that we were stupid to be afraid.

One charming commenter even explicitly said he was sticking around because "your liberal tears are exactly what I need."

(As of two minutes ago, a particularly interesting older gentleman has accused him of being anti-White.)

But, as always, there is no shame in excluding toxic influences from a place of comfort. Ironically, after all the talk of "safe spaces" earlier this year, what we are effectively doing is constructing a country-wide safe space out of mutual compassion of support - and, of course, attempts are being made by those who don't need it to invade it. If they were attempting to enter it to say "I don't agree with your political decisions, but I don't want to see you unhappy or afraid, either" (as a few of my commenters HAVE said), their entry would cause no issues. However, the overwhelming majority have claimed that the whole concept of such a space is *stupid* or *weakness* and should be torn down.

From a perspective of privilege, a safe space is ALWAYS unnecessary. A significant fraction of america is currently privileged in that they are not paralyzed with fear for their future or that of their loved ones. Whether they ascribe to the camp that "I don't like him but hillary would have TOTALLY been worse" or that "he's not a politician and therefore OBVIOUSLY qualified", it doesn't matter. They are not afraid, and therefore the space of support we are creating is not for them. They see it, not as a means of survival, but as a means of excluding them. In many ways, it's both. And that is not a bad thing.

I have seen many posts claiming that the bipartisan split cannot be allowed to continue, that unity is more important, but I wish to respectfully disagree. They made their decision; WE have to live with it. There is no shame in constructing a space where those of us who didn't sign up for the outcome we received are able to calm down, to breathe, and to move forward.

This might be a new experience for some of you - an overwhelming toxic presence in your life that you're not sure whether to confront or to ignore. As a member of the LGBT community who has experienced this exact situation, let a veteran of this tell you - it's up to your own better judgement on a case-by-case basis, but you are ABSOLUTELY allowed to ignore them. If confrontation will bring you unnecessary suffering, you can block them, cut them out of your life, or just disregard them - if you want to.

I am not saying they are the enemy. I am saying that they are an unnecessary stressor in an already stressful time. You do not owe them a place in your net of compassion, and they do not need it right now.

Focus inward. Focus on those who need you. Let the others try and batter down your walls, but give them attention only if you wish to.

And once again, I love you all.

We already know how to do this. We've all done it before.

We're constructing a space of calm and compassion, and those who don't need it are trying to break down the doors. But we KNOW how to handle this. It's everyone ELSE who's unprepared.

People are trying to hate those that got us into this mess. That's wrong; we KNOW that's wrong. People are trying to argue, to force them to see us as humans worthy of compassion. That's a losing battle; we've already tried. A large portion of america is finding themselves in the hitherto unknown position of needing to be comforted and protected from an uncaring force outside themselves. They're starting to think that maybe, maybe they don't care about them as human beings. The sheer weight of the lack of compassion that caused this is paralyzing people who have no experience in handling this.

But I think right now they need us. I think they need our expertise. We've fought this exact war a hundred times over. I think now it might be our job to teach the other, scared people how to fight this war too.

And I know all of us are hurting too. I know we're all scared. But we've been here before; this is uncharted territory for them.

I'm not a hundred percent sure where I was going with this, but I know that realizing we already know how to do this (and that we have the power to help so many people just by virtue of that knowledge) pulled me out of a day-and-a-half long anxiety attack, so maybe it can be of some help here, too.

shakeysix · Nov 10, 2016

Look, I am an old lady but I have spent a lot of time with younger people. You kids--yeah, well I was born in 1950, so most of you are kids to me--are stronger, braver, better thinking and more organized than my generation ever was and yet we made vast changes, history book changes, in society, culture, race, gender in our time. You kids will do even better. You amaze me with your strength, insight, tolerance and wit. Something about you is scaring the pee-wadding out of those nasty haters. Keep it up, whatever you are doing is working. You are going to win and they are going to die. Let them have 4 years of ruling the world. Then step in and hijack it away from them! If anyone can do it, you can.

Remember, the ERA never passed, but their stonewalling it, did not do anything to stop the surge of feminists hollering for our rights. And now we have young people living an openly non- trad lifestyle. Do you realize how many of my generation went down in flames: drugs, suicide, bitter, paralyzing anger, because they had to live their love in secret or because race or religion cost them any place in society? Those days are over. Forever!

I am proud to know you kids. Like my avatar? That is my grand daughter Magnolia. She spent yesterday crying because she wanted to be the second female president. Last night she decided to become the first. If she doesn't do it one of you will. --s6

DanielaTorre · Nov 10, 2016

I hope this helps you and the kids: http://www.cracked.com/blog/dont-panic/. It's a satire website but the article makes a very good, hopeful point.

I personally think that a lot of people are handling this situation backwards right now with the riots and calling 59M+ people racists, misogynistic homophobes. It's disgusting. We are all American. We are all on the same ship, together, so I ask these people not to sink it.

Jason · Nov 10, 2016

Wondering absently how many posts will make it in this thread

Ari Meermans · Nov 10, 2016

CBJason said:
Wondering absently how many posts will make it in this thread

How was that helpful? Exactly how? If nothing else, words of support and compassion would be of some help. Answering a call to action would be so much better.

AW Admin · Nov 10, 2016

CBJason said:
Wondering absently how many posts will make it in this thread

None for you. You really need to get over your habit of posting without reading the stickies.

And don't send me a PM again. PM MacAllister. I'm not interested.

ASeiple · Nov 10, 2016

It's a rough time. But if hope persists, then there shall be a tomorrow.

It's incumbent on all of us to offer hope where we can, and help those who are fearful to find their way out of it.

The story never really ends, no matter what happens, y'know? There's always tomorrow, and there's always hope.

BenPanced · Nov 10, 2016

To be honest, I'm sufficiently cowed and subdued right now. It's in my nature to just back off; when I was growing up, I tried the old "tell an adult" when I was getting bullied. So I did. And I did. And I did. Ad nauseum. One round only stopped when my mother and I met another kid and his mother down at the police station after he'd kicked me in the face on the last day of school. After that, I eventually just gave up telling an adult because it never solved anything and suffered in silence. Now I'm facing the possibility of what few gains in civil rights I've made over the last 30 years go down the drain and I've had it. I can't find it in me to fight back. Once again, adults have fucked things up for me and aren't doing anything.

Introversion · Nov 10, 2016

DanielaTorre said:
I hope this helps you and the kids: http://www.cracked.com/blog/dont-panic/. It's a satire website but the article makes a very good, hopeful point.

I personally think that a lot of people are handling this situation backwards right now with the riots and calling 59M+ people racists, misogynistic homophobes. It's disgusting. We are all American. We are all on the same ship, together, so I ask these people not to sink it.

For the last year-plus, I've had to read and listen to some of most hateful vitriol coming from Trump, his campaign, and his supporters. NOW I'm supposed to calm down and play nice?? No, I'm sorry, it's not that easy.

Myrealana · Nov 10, 2016

All I can say is I've got your back.

I will listen to your troubles. I will stand up to the bullies with you.

And I will vote for people who will support you.

Remember, though he won the election game, over 52% of voters said "NO" to Trump and his hate.

He has the office, but as long as the people don't give it to him, he doesn't actually have the power.

KateSmash · Nov 10, 2016

Introversion said:
For the last year-plus, I've had to read and listen to some of most hateful vitriol coming from Trump, his campaign, and his supporters. NOW I'm supposed to calm down and play nice?? No, I'm sorry, it's not that easy.

Right? Look at where being nice and polite and calm has gotten us.

No, not every single individual person is necessarily a racist/misogynist/transphobic/homophobic/islamaphobic/anti-semitic piece of shit. But they fucking elected one. That makes them complicit in this culture of bigotry. And, in a lot of ways, silent tolerance of hatred is worse than those frothing at the mouths to destroy lives.

MaeZe · Nov 10, 2016

DanielaTorre said:
I hope this helps you and the kids: http://www.cracked.com/blog/dont-panic/. It's a satire website but the article makes a very good, hopeful point.

I personally think that a lot of people are handling this situation backwards right now with the riots and calling 59M+ people racists, misogynistic homophobes. It's disgusting. We are all American. We are all on the same ship, together, so I ask these people not to sink it.

I didn't click on the link because I'm not ready for comedy yet. And I don't mind the street protests, other =wise if feels like we are just accepting hate. I don't want to do that. I can stop blaming people though.

But I am coping in a couple ways. One, escapism, it's the easiest, just don't think about it. I can't turn on the news, or any talk shows, even NPR. I can only watch a little late night comedy, because i know there will be some words of wisdom threaded in. I have a dozen DVDs from the library. I have to occupy my mind and music isn't sufficient to block out depressing thoughts.

The second way is to look for the next steps: Two steps forward, one step back. Hopeful things for me to do are to channel this emotion into my book, make the book stronger. It's easy now to imagine what that dystopia is like and pull threads out of this world to put in the world I've written about. Class divides is a theme in my book and I'm finding some new insights today.

I also remember the 70s with Nixon and Reagan (when he was in CA) and the Vietnam war, the hateful comments in the news after Kent State, blaming the protestors. We healed, two steps forward, one step back.

I told the Hispanic clerk in the Trader Joes market yesterday that I was glad she was here. I asked if she was OK, she was but she worried about her parents. Like protesting the war, we need to protect these people. We don't have to become the haters to do it. It will take some statements in the streets. We just have to make sure the message that hate is not acceptable doesn't include its own hate.

AW Admin · Nov 10, 2016

If you're on FaceBook and interested in doing something concrete to help, even if it means just being supportive in spreading the word, please PM me with your FB contact.

There's some stuff happening.

Williebee · Nov 10, 2016

StormChord said:
My facebook feed is in turmoil. Tumblr is pretty much on fire, full of people despairing and others begging them not to hurt themselves. My parents are subdued and sad. My brother is contemplating becoming batman. This is pretty bad for everybody - well, of course, not EVERYBODY: many people I see on the internet call us stupid for caring or being afraid, and ridicule us for calling them out on their decisions. They say that this is exacerbating the bipartisan split that made most of them VOTE for that circus peanut in the first place (apparently calling people racist and misogynistic hurt their widdle feelings so they decided to demolish our lifestyle in response)

But I realized something this morning: we're perfectly equipped to handle this.

I wrote this post in its entirety to comfort my facebook friends:

We already know how to do this. We've all done it before.

Just so you know, you are one of the people I think of first when someone starts talking about "kids today". You are one of the people I point to when I talk about hope for the future.

Thank you.

MaeZe · Nov 10, 2016

shakeysix said:
...I am proud to know you kids. Like my avatar? That is my grand daughter Magnolia. She spent yesterday crying because she wanted to be the second female president. Last night she decided to become the first. If she doesn't do it one of you will. --s6

That is so cool.

shakeysix · Nov 10, 2016

Thank you. If she goes at it like she goes at her trombone we'll never see Prez Magnolia, but if she goes at it like she goes at her political letter writing--she writes Obama and Hilary often-- we will be seeing her in a pantsuit and grammy shoes in about 30 years. --s6

Diana Hignutt · Nov 10, 2016

Young folks might not know this, and it might be heard to hear right now, but... we've gotten through some pretty tough times as a community. I understand that we've had eight years of fairly friendly leadership, and that might make it more difficult to understand that the world has never been a friendly place for us. Bigotry was the norm for a lot of us for a long time. We survived. We flourished. You will too. It will get better.

Mrs-Q · Nov 10, 2016

Genderqueer and I have a disability. It's not gonna be OK, I don't think. Past fear and into a kind of No Exit-style nihilism.

On the plus side I'm considering being more "out." I can't pass anyway.

DanielaTorre · Nov 10, 2016

Introversion said:
For the last year-plus, I've had to read and listen to some of most hateful vitriol coming from Trump, his campaign, and his supporters. NOW I'm supposed to calm down and play nice?? No, I'm sorry, it's not that easy.

So you support the destruction of property? The riots? The millions of dollars in taxpayer money to send riot police out there? You support the one liberal guy who raised a swastika flag in a Jewish neighborhood (which totally backfired btw)?

I don't agree with who we elected, but you must understand that we hold more power than the president. Read the article. It's not intended to be funny. It's intended to educate those with your current violent mindset. The website is extremely liberal if that helps.

Ari Meermans · Nov 10, 2016

I'm going to say this wrong; please forgive me. You're all terrified and hurting in ways and to a depth I can't possibly feel. Thing is, you have allies. Use us, but don't leave it to us. Without you, we'll screw up in our zeal to help. Never fails.

Roxxsmom · Nov 10, 2016

StormChord said:
My facebook feed is in turmoil. Tumblr is pretty much on fire, full of people despairing and others begging them not to hurt themselves. My parents are subdued and sad. My brother is contemplating becoming batman. This is pretty bad for everybody - well, of course, not EVERYBODY: many people I see on the internet call us stupid for caring or being afraid, and ridicule us for calling them out on their decisions. They say that this is exacerbating the bipartisan split that made most of them VOTE for that circus peanut in the first place (apparently calling people racist and misogynistic hurt their widdle feelings so they decided to demolish our lifestyle in response)

But I realized something this morning: we're perfectly equipped to handle this.

I wrote this post in its entirety to comfort my facebook friends:

We already know how to do this. We've all done it before.

We're constructing a space of calm and compassion, and those who don't need it are trying to break down the doors. But we KNOW how to handle this. It's everyone ELSE who's unprepared.

People are trying to hate those that got us into this mess. That's wrong; we KNOW that's wrong. People are trying to argue, to force them to see us as humans worthy of compassion. That's a losing battle; we've already tried. A large portion of america is finding themselves in the hitherto unknown position of needing to be comforted and protected from an uncaring force outside themselves. They're starting to think that maybe, maybe they don't care about them as human beings. The sheer weight of the lack of compassion that caused this is paralyzing people who have no experience in handling this.

But I think right now they need us. I think they need our expertise. We've fought this exact war a hundred times over. I think now it might be our job to teach the other, scared people how to fight this war too.

And I know all of us are hurting too. I know we're all scared. But we've been here before; this is uncharted territory for them.

I'm not a hundred percent sure where I was going with this, but I know that realizing we already know how to do this (and that we have the power to help so many people just by virtue of that knowledge) pulled me out of a day-and-a-half long anxiety attack, so maybe it can be of some help here, too.

I'm impressed with your post, StormChord. I've had a lot of very anxious, sad people on FB, as well as a few who have been openly dismissive about the fears others are expressing (people in the Hillary was just as bad camp), and a couple who are openly smug about Trump's victory (one was ranting about how the Victims in Benghazi and Syria are finally avenged or something). I wonder how she'll deal with the cognitive dissonance once Trump's actions abroad start to accrue a body count.

been trying to come up with something deep and meaningful to say in my blog, and failing so far. I've turned off the radio (I tend to listen compulsively to npr) over the past few days. I just can't stomach listening to them interviewing smug Trump voters and hearing Paul Ryan kiss up to the New World Order.

It's hard to calculate all the ripples that will come from the changes Trump and the GOP-led congress are likely to start imposing come January, but I think there will be a lot of fallout, even for people who don't expect it. Those of us who are fortunate enough to have employer-provided healthcare plans, for instance, will likely see some changes/reductions in coverage and services provided. I know people who are in worse straits, though, and may lose their insurance completely, unless our State finds a way to take over and fund their own program.

My hunch is that in the short term, those of us who live in bluer, more prosperous states may be buffered from some of the worse effects. But the will of the voters is capricious, and if the economy tanks and our states start bleeding jobs again, it's possible that some voters will turn to austerity-loving and human rights hating governors, legislatures and referendums. And this is of no mitigation or help in sight for the many people who live in Trump-friendlier states.

It's going to be a tough four years (at least) for all of us, and we do indeed have to look out for one another and be prepared to step forward to help those who are most vulnerable like never before in living memory.

shakeysix · Nov 10, 2016

So, fffolks, how are you going to make Amurrica GREAT again if all you worry about is people not liking you? Better man up and take a page from Obama's book. Remember the eight years of constant hyperbolic negativity? The accusations of not even being an American? The "death boards" the rumors? The nasty swipes at his wife and family?

He pulled it off with dignity and intelligence. 8 f----ing years of it. Seems to me to be a little early to start up the boo-hoo. nobody understands me, rag. You got what you wanted, a chance to rectify all of his grievous wrongs. And 4 looong years to do it in. Good luck--s6

MaeZe · Nov 10, 2016

AW Admin said:
If you're on FaceBook and interested in doing something concrete to help, even if it means just being supportive in spreading the word, please PM me with your FB contact.

There's some stuff happening.

Your PM box is full. I'll resend it later tonight.

Mrs-Q · Nov 10, 2016

DanielaTorre said:
So you support the destruction of property? The riots? The millions of dollars in taxpayer money to send riot police out there? You support the one liberal guy who raised a swastika flag in a Jewish neighborhood (which totally backfired btw)?

I don't agree with who we elected, but you must understand that we hold more power than the president. Read the article. It's not intended to be funny. It's intended to educate those with your current violent mindset.

I am honestly betrayed and bewildered at how very much violence people like me, in my community have faced, at how many people I have had to bury. I am exhausted by educating people who don't want to learn. I am exhausted by moderating my tone in exchange for nothing. I am exhausted by being associated with the weirdest news story out there, as if I coordinated with or endorsed that behavior. I am exhausted by burying people and having to stuff my anger in because people who are perfectly safe find it unseemly.

People are trying to kill people like me and succeed at killing others. Please stop telling me how riot police are expensive. I am so tired.

We ask people who are least able to moderate their emotions and least able to conform to middle class stoic etiquette, who have been excluded from those protections, to conform to them. And then we refuse to listen to their anger and their terror because they didn't say it right (or someone somewhere did not). Have you ever had to navigate telling your story without saying it in a way that offends, or is too artificial, or too angry? It's such a trap, because if people wanted to hear you, they would. But they hold it above you, like dignity and safety are the reward for passing a series of class tests. You know it's BS, god, it's torture, so you try until you're stuck between silence and rage. And the silence is just rage pointed at yourself.

Please let people be angry for a day. Please. That poster has not done anything but be angry. They didn't call out the riot police or hang that flag. Just let him or her be angry.

Jade Rothwell · Nov 10, 2016

DanielaTorre said:
So you support the destruction of property? The riots? The millions of dollars in taxpayer money to send riot police out there? You support the one liberal guy who raised a swastika flag in a Jewish neighborhood (which totally backfired btw)?

I don't agree with who we elected, but you must understand that we hold more power than the president. Read the article. It's not intended to be funny. It's intended to educate those with your current violent mindset. The website is extremely liberal if that helps.

Wow, when did anyone say anything about riots? You do realize there's a difference between being upset and punching people, right? Like. We're afraid, angry, and in pain. We're allowed to talk about it. We're allowed to protest. Literally, it's one of our human rights. Not every social action or protest leads to violence. Equating the two is just harmful.

Everyone I Know Is Terrified

Allegedly Gullible

blue eyed floozy

...

Ideas bounce around in my head

MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter

Livin' la vida biblia

THE BLUEBERRY QUEEN OF HADES (he/him)

Pie aren't squared, pie are round!

I aim to misbehave

this was a triumph

Capeless, wingless, & yet I fly.

blue eyed floozy

Very Tired

...

MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter

Beastly Fido

blue eyed floozy

rolling dice