the drift

jst5150 · Sep 30, 2016

the drift

At first, we splash together
the frolic, wavy ripples
acclimation in quiet
a shiver, a giggle, chattering teeth
then comes the soak
absorbing all
floating above the din
together, twins in a womb
over time, skies grey
we drift
and drift
and drift
apart
the chills
crevasses line our fingertips
hypothermia
at last, we leave the water
and return nevermore

William Haskins · Oct 1, 2016

jason, it's great to see a new poem from you.

this is especially evocative and in a very fulfilling way, in that (for me, anyway) it is far less visually or aurally evocative than tactile (far rarer and harder to sell, in my experience): the chattering of teeth, the press of the waves, the shiver, the wrinkled fingers - i felt them all.

enjoyed this a lot.

Stew21 · Oct 2, 2016

I agree with William on both counts: great to see your new work and wonderfully evocative.
Thanks for shaing it.

jst5150 · Oct 3, 2016

William/Trish,

thank you.

CassandraW · Oct 4, 2016

Wonderful use of metaphor and the effect is quite visceral. I also like how (to me, at least) the poem feels like it moves in drifting ripples.

Nice to see you back, Jason. I've read and enjoyed some of your old work in the archives, but I'm not sure we've met. I'm very happy to see you here and delighted you've contributed to the anthology.

Sarita · Oct 4, 2016

Beautifully executed, Jt. I sort of love this. I agree with Will's comment about the tactile nature of your poem. It's one of those rare responses that readers (and poets) relish. And it makes me want to wade right into the ocean. So, thanks for that.

jst5150 · Oct 4, 2016

Sara/Cassandra, thank you.

the drift

jst5150

Vorpal Comics. Weekly Podcast. Twitch Artist. Vet

William Haskins

poet

Stew21

jst5150

Vorpal Comics. Weekly Podcast. Twitch Artist. Vet

CassandraW

Sarita

carpe noctem

jst5150

Vorpal Comics. Weekly Podcast. Twitch Artist. Vet