Wanted: Beta Reader for Fantasy Short Story (8,000 words)

Hello, there!

I'm looking for feedback on a fantasy short story, which is tentatively called "Stone and String." It's 8,000 words, set in the same universe as my The Wishing Blade series. It's a stand-alone story focused on the Cantingen Islands rather than Cirena (two different, though related, mythologies within that world).

The story is about a girl who trades her death magic for a chance to see her little sister again. (Blurb in progress...)

UPDATE (Here's a rough blurb):

In the world of The Wishing Blade, everyone is born with two strings of magic. One strand is life, and the other is death. Very few can manipulate them.


Among the Cantingen Islanders, children are tested for that very ability during the first rites of magic, a ceremony which determines what magic they have and their future as mage. But when Edyli's little sister, Akymi, dies in an accident before those rites can occur, Edyli does the unthinkable. She uses word magic to return Akymi to the living, and subsequently finds herself in a land of web-like strings and a strange law of physics... the afterlife.


Edyli refuses to give up seeing her sister's first rites. With the help of a goddess and sheer determination, she has every intention of seeing her sister once more, even if it means incurring the wrath of the goddess of the dead.

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I plan to self-publish this (I've got a thread regarding the cover design here).

I'm hoping to have a complete story with a strong beginning/middle/end, so I'm looking for feedback on whether the plot makes sense, if there are any plot holes, if the flow is smooth, and if anything is really confusing (because all this makes sense in my head, but I'm not sure that I convey it well). If you spot any typos or confusing sentences, please let me know.

I'm hoping to have feedback within a week. I can take fairly blunt criticism, and I understand if you start to read it and realize it's not your thing. (Just let me know if you decide not to continue reading).

If you're interested in reading it, please let me know (I usually send a Word doc. Let me know if you need something else). I'd be happy to return a read of a short story or a few chapters of something longer. In regards to beta-reading I enjoy young adult books, especially science fiction and dystopia, but I can offer help in grammatical editing and the flow of general writing.

Thanks for looking!

Denevius said:

Hello SBibb. I'm interested in swapping a short story of equivalent length with you. I'll send you a PM now. My email is: eniac_caine at hotmail dot com.

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Awesome! I received your message and sent you an email.

(Not sure if you want to keep your email on the board since bots can sometimes find those).