Writing a gripping first line

I used to write a lot of short fiction, and there was one story I really felt confident about. But when I sent it out, it just kept on coming back.

So I wrote a new first paragraph for it, stuck it on the front of the story, and sent it out again. On that outing it won a competition, and I got a nice fat cheque for it. It went on to earn me over £3,000 total before I retired it. Not bad for 2,000 words.

I then went through the stories I'd written which had also had multiple rejections, and put in a few lines right at the start, which worked in the same way. They all got published quickly.

Getting those opening lines right really makes a difference. But you don't need to get them right, right at the start. You can write your story then work on those first few lines.

In case you're interested, the paragraph I stuck onto the first story was this:

When I think of him and think of her, I want to slap out with my hands until their noses bleed. He comes home late at night and tells me it was work and all the time there's this smell, this cloud around him and it's her perfume, heavy and sweet like orange velvet, the smell of her on his fingers.

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When I write short fiction, I like to write short, straightforward sentences for the opening line. I like them to raise questions in the reader's mind without being too abstract.

In the story that I recently wrote, my opening sentence was, "The hunter knelt next to the dying man." Simple, clean, and hopefully enough to get most readers moving down the page wondering who the hunter is and what's happened.

I'm not great at first lines. My current WIP starts with "It was the last blue day in Edgemont." On one hand it introduces the setting and opens up the question of why this would be the last such day. On the other, it's a straight up weather opener, and it doesn't give any character, plus the one verb ("was") is pretty weak. So by my estimate, pretty mediocre.

Although that said, my favorite first line of all time is a weather opener (William Gibson's "The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel."), so maybe it's all about presentation.

It might help to make a study of good first lines. Here's an article that I found useful, and that provides some examples of great first lines, plus a few pointers on what makes them great: http://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/

I'm with Matt T., although my first line isn't usually that short. I try to have my opener get the reader to ask a small question, not big enough to knock them out, but enough to take them to the next line. I like getting sucked into a story.

I read somewhere that writers sometimes pick up the habit of writing an introduction of a story instead of just starting the story. I've done this with my own work, writing a good couple of paragraphs that just aren't necessary. Not an easy habit to break. Try to start as close to the action as possible. If the story is about a murder, maybe instead of opening with a description of the events leading up to the murder, you could start with something like, "After looking over his shoulder one last time to make sure no one was watching, he knelt down and pushed the body off the cliff."

Much like Old Hack, I had a story I couldn't sell anywhere. I couldn't even give it away. Then I changed the first line, and the next three lines, and it became my first thousand dollar sale. I don't think the new line was written any better than the old line, but it changed the focus of the story, and made editors want to read what came next. This matters.

I'm not big on first lines that are simply pretty writing. To me, a good first line can be as plain as white bread, but if it makes the reader wonder what happens next, or wonder why it says what it does, it's a good first line.

Microsoft just decided to update my computer while I was getting a cut of coffee, so I'm going to rewrite some opening lines from memory because it's too late to look them up again. Anyway, some first lines from short stories I've sold. They're one straight mystery, one humorous mystery, two literary stories, and a story that's somewhere between straight mystery and humor.

1. As he had every morning for the past month, Jeke Grisham awoke to the sound of his wife, Lorna, screaming.

2. I don't know which hurt the most, the fishhook that caught in my ear on Dave's back cast, the lit cigar I dropped down my waders when the fishhook caught in my ear, or the fact that my wife warned me this trip would be a disaster as soon as she learned I was taking Dave with me.

3. Back in the Kentucky hills, they say wild ginseng never grows where any man has ever set foot.

And because one story often grows from another, three lines from the next.

4. For two hundred years, moonshine was just about the only cash crop we had in these Appalachian Mountains. Then, back in the sixties, the pot smoking generation came along, and marijuana became the new moonshine. I guess that makes wild ginseng the new marijuana.

5. I was walking to the door to flip over the closed sign when they came in.


Nothing earthshaking, and no fancy writing, but each first line does what I wanted it to do, which was set up the story while not giving too much away, and editors liked them.



4.

Keyboard Cowboy said:

I read somewhere that writers sometimes pick up the habit of writing an introduction of a story instead of just starting the story. I've done this with my own work, writing a good couple of paragraphs that just aren't necessary. Not an easy habit to break. Try to start as close to the action as possible. If the story is about a murder, maybe instead of opening with a description of the events leading up to the murder, you could start with something like, "After looking over his shoulder one last time to make sure no one was watching, he knelt down and pushed the body off the cliff."

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That sounds right. A lot of throat-clearing happens in the first draft. Once the story's done and you know where the real meat of it is, it's easier to write towards it without the extra padding.

A rule of thumb I've heard is that it's important for the first sentence to feature a strong, active verb--more pushing bodies off cliffs and less thinking, watching, or to-being.

MumblingSage said:

A rule of thumb I've heard is that it's important for the first sentence to feature a strong, active verb--more pushing bodies off cliffs and less thinking, watching, or to-being.

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That depends entirely on the story you're wanting to tell, and on the mood and tone you're trying to set. From an editor's standpoint, I can tell you that pushing bodies off cliffs type of first lines gets old very, very fast. For a few years, that was all the rage, and every bit of advice out there seemed to say this was the way to open a story. I think that day is largely over, though it will never go away entirely. But quieter, more thoughtful openings do a better job now, or so I think.

Jamesaritchie said:

That depends entirely on the story you're wanting to tell, and on the mood and tone you're trying to set. From an editor's standpoint, I can tell you that pushing bodies off cliffs type of first lines gets old very, very fast. For a few years, that was all the rage, and every bit of advice out there seemed to say this was the way to open a story. I think that day is largely over, though it will never go away entirely. But quieter, more thoughtful openings do a better job now, or so I think.

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I'm more into contemplative openings myself (it's too obvious what the dead body is doing on the first page, and like most people I like to think I'm immune to crass advertising), but it still needs to be interesting contemplation, and not told at one remove. ​Word choice is a crude guideline at the best of times, but it can make such problems pop out. Not Sharon thought this was the worst day of her life. Instead, describe Sharon arranging flowers in a vase while holding back tears.

MumblingSage said:

I'm more into contemplative openings myself

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You might be, but will your editor buy the story?

NateSean said:

You might be, but will your editor buy the story?

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My editors have always enjoyed contemplative openings far more than action openings. I'd say ninety percent of the stories I've sold have contemplative openings. My experience is that the bigger the magazine, the more likely it is that a contemplative opening will sell. If not contemplative, then at least mood and tone setting.

Too many think "in media res" means starting with dead bodies, or car crashes, or things blowing up. It doesn't. Neither does "start with action". Both just mean you should open with story. Story is character, plus a question the character has to answer, and/or a problem the character must solve, combined with a setting that grounds it all. Dead bodies, explosions, etc., can come later. What comes first is some hint of the conflict that will eventually cause the bodies and explosions.

What an interesting thread! I'm glad I found it because it really got me thinking.

I have to agree that a good opener is important to get the reader's attention, and that it doesn't always mean an explosion, or dead bodies. I critique stories on other websites and find that many new or inexperienced writers tend to think that starting with action= interesting hook.

Personally, in my stories, I find getting the reader interested is the best option- like the "creating a question in the reader" approach mentioned earlier. In order to accomplish that, I often rewrite the first paragraph/ sentence over and over, approaching it from different angles. I change the wording, switch the order of the sentences, try different sentence structuresto help find the strongest way to express those important first ideas.

It's been seven days since my last confession. And I really don't know where to begin. I should've called a taxi. Should've gone straight home.



This is the beginning of a song. But it could be the the beginning of story because without telling you too much you already want to know what the heck happened if she has to confess (sinner) she doesn't know where to begin (it's a big juicy story about a sinner) and she should've gone home (she knows right from wrong and chose wrong anyway)

The icy talons closed around my throat.

caw

I knew I loved Lydia when I stole her ring.

From a short story that's been rejected twice. I'm working on something else now, but I may go back and rework this.

The first time Charlotte Weaver’s mandevilla bush spoke to her, she was running out the door to work.

Here's a piece of advice I was given by a well-known and successful comic book writer that I think can apply to any kind of writing, and absolutely applies to how you craft that ever-important first sentence:

Begin your story in the middle of a scene.

Super_Duper said:

Here's a piece of advice I was given by a well-known and successful comic book writer that I think can apply to any kind of writing, and absolutely applies to how you craft that ever-important first sentence:

Begin your story in the middle of a scene.

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In medias res. It's a well-known piece of advice for writing stories, and has been around since long before comic books were even conceived of.

caw

Interesting thread, thanks

Jamesaritchie said:

I don't think the new line was written any better than the old line

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I think that's what key, why many can come away crestfallen after a few rejections, and why we're essentially writing blind when trying to hook agents.

How you want to express yourself but in a way that is going to engage the masses is the great balancing act.

And then of course you have great works which are rejected many times, not changed, and then forever praised when finally taken on!

I found one opening line that works well. I re-use it for all my novels - just like the Inkspots.

Jamesaritchie said:

Story is character, plus a question the character has to answer, and/or a problem the character must solve, combined with a setting that grounds it all. Dead bodies, explosions, etc., can come later. What comes first is some hint of the conflict that will eventually cause the bodies and explosions.

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That knocks the ball out of the park for me. Openings must peak a reader's curiosity right off the bat. Please allow me to go a bit deeper...

Plot is what happens to our characters. But our writing is what happens to our readers. If our first sentence isn't crafted carefully, with criteria, nothing will happen to our readers because we've lost their trust in us as a storyteller before they even get out of the dugout. Here are some questions I've been asking myself to clarify my understanding about writing in general and openings in particular:

What do I want to happen to my readers? Why haven't I given any thought to that? Do I just want to entertain them with gun fire and gore? Or inspire them to see the world and perhaps even themselves differently than they did before they read my story? How could I accomplish both of those things in the same story?

Why am I writing this story? If the reason isn't just to have something happen to people I made up in my head, then what can I do to close the gap between what I want my characters to experience and what I want my readers to experience? How could I bring those two goals together in the opening of my story?

Lots of ways to answer those questions, of course, but here are two approaches I've been playing with:

Create an opening that readers will consciously know is your foreshadowing of the plot but unconsciously embrace as your promise that they will be involved in what's happening to the characters.

Presence is how you create the illusion that your readers are not just reading words, that they are in the ball game, not just watching it from the stands. And presence requires details--specific, sensory details.

Telling me about Jabberwocky's jaws and claws might send a shiver or two up my neck. But showing it grabbing a character I'm rooting for at the lowest point in your story is likely to scare the bejeebers out of me! [Yes, I'm allowed one exclamation point in every post! Oops!]

General Telling => "I'm so sad I could die."
Specific Showing => "Sharon stood at the edge of the cliff, weeping, watching waves crash against the jagged rocks below."

That's a fascinating little tidbit of info. Thanks for sharing.