Your religious foundation vs. your children's religious foundation

How does your religious upbringing compare to your children's?

  • My children have been/are being raised with a similar religious foundation to my own.

    Votes: 6 35.3%
  • My children have been/are being raised in a religion other than the one I was raised in.

    Votes: 2 11.8%
  • I was raised without religion. My children have/are being raised without religion.

    Votes: 2 11.8%
  • I was raised without religion. My children have been/are being raised with religion.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I was raised with religion. My children have been/are being raised without religion.

    Votes: 7 41.2%

  • Total voters
    17
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I'm curious about how people reconcile their religious upbringing (with or without) with their own parenting choices. If you're game, select the closest match in the poll - and of course, feel free to elaborate here in the thread.
 

shadowwalker

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My religious upbringing was eclectic. My mother was a divorced Catholic, my dad atheistic Lutheran, we were raised Congregational/Methodist. I joined the Catholic Church after my son was born, and he was raised "liberal" Catholic (my views tempering the Church's), and he's now agnostic/non-religious, and I'm basically Christian non-denominational.
 

Maze Runner

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I think I reconciled it early. I don't think I ever saw the connection between religion and humanity. So, even though I'd been raised Catholic, not devout but receiving the sacraments and attending mass sporadically, I'd been long gone by the time my kids came around. Both have been baptized, but that's it. If they decide someday that Catholicism or any other religion is for them, I won't dissuade them, but they'll have to go it alone.
 

edutton

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My wife and I were both raised to be devoutly Christian, but it didn't take... never took for me, she came to similar conclusions much later in life. We are now pagan and UU. I won't say we're raising our daughter to be the same, but we are raising her (she's 15) within that faith context. And making sure she has a solid working knowledge of the world's other major religions, including visits to those that are welcoming. She particularly likes visiting the Sikh gurdwara because the langar (communal lunch after worship) is really good. :)
 

AW Admin

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No children.

But if I had children, I'd teach the poor suffering souls Koine and Latin, and probably, Hebrew.
 

Silva

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I picked the last option as the closest fit, though my husband would probably have picked the first option. :tongue In reality, we are not raising them to believe or not believe a certain way, we are teaching them to think for themselves and make their own choices. That is not quite the same as explicitly teaching them to follow or not follow certain religious beliefs. But we don't go to church or pray before meals or say that God is real (we say that some people believe he is real; Dad believes he is real, Mom does not) or celebrate religious holidays, hence my choice. But my husband hopes they will wind up with similar theological beliefs (Quaker) to what he holds.
 

Myrealana

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I picked the last option as the closest fit, though my husband would probably have picked the first option. :tongue In reality, we are not raising them to believe or not believe a certain way, we are teaching them to think for themselves and make their own choices. That is not quite the same as explicitly teaching them to follow or not follow certain religious beliefs. But we don't go to church or pray before meals or say that God is real (we say that some people believe he is real; Dad believes he is real, Mom does not) or celebrate religious holidays, hence my choice. But my husband hopes they will wind up with similar theological beliefs (Quaker) to what he holds.
Our situation is very similar, except that both my husband and I lean agnostic. Our families are religious, but we have had too many negative religious experiences. My husband was dragged from church to church as a kid, each one making him feel more uncomfortable than the last (speaking in tongues, faith healing, snakes, etc...) Mine came as an adult when members of a church I had come to love decided my autistic son was possessed by demons.

We teach our children about religion, but we don't teach them to have a religion.
 

Silva

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We teach our children about religion, but we don't teach them to have a religion.

Yes, this is where I am. My husband and I actually had a conversation about this earlier, after my original response; he said it is very important to him that the children are familiar with the Bible (for example) even if they don't believe it, just because it's so much a part of our history and culture.
 

Siri Kirpal

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Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

Yay, for langar in the Sikh Gurdwara! :)

Don't have kids. If I did, I'd sort of pick #4. I was baptized, went to assorted mainline Protestant Sunday schools until my parents pulled us out when I was 8, leaving me with a huge longing. My folks became hugely anti-religion. I attended my grandmother's New Thought church when I could (which wasn't often). Read spiritual literature and pretended it was for allowable cultural reasons. So, if I had kids, they'd have been raised Sikhs as modified by Christianity and Sufism, the two religions my husband has followed.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal
 

Roxxsmom

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I don't have kids, but if I did I'd probably end up going with 3. I wasn't raised with religion (not even baptized), and I likely wouldn't want to incorporate it into the life of kids (though I'd teach them to respect the beliefs of other people). Some of it's philosophical--there's no belief system with which I agree completely, and since I wasn't raised with it, I have no sentimental attachment or family obligation to compel me. And some of it's sheer inertia. I hate having ongoing, structured obligations on the weekend (I have a hard enough committing to sporadic activities I find genuinely interesting and fun on my off days), and being a parent would have been something that already entails way more of those (all those sports and enrichment activities kids have to do outside of school these days) than I'd want anyway. I don't see religion as especially virtuous or beneficial if one isn't interested in it for its own sake, so I wouldn't put it on the docket of things one *should* do to give the kids a healthy upbringing.

My brother and my sister in law (she was also raised non religious), however, go to church now and they take their kids. I don't know how they stay sane, as they both work pretty hard, and on the weekend they're constantly driving around from one social activity to another. I don't know when they and their kids ever get a chance to just chill, read, hang out and relax.
 

C.bronco

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It is almost, or literally, ironic that I was brought up Catholic, went to a Catholic high school and then a Methodist college, worked in a Catholic school run by nuns, applied to 90 percent non-Catholic schools for a new job, but ended up working at one. I am more invested in my faith now than I have ever been, and it provides great solace for my son. My job has been more meaningful than I would have expected. I was lucky to get a job with the boss I have now who has done so much to instill faith into our daily lives.
 

Axl Prose

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Voted 1. Christian here. I wouldn't say we forced it on them or anything, but we did encourage it. Once they got to the point to be into it or not be into it, they were into it and still enjoy it. The like their church family and friends, the services, and the helping out around the community that they get to do. It's been a very positive influence on them.
 

CrastersBabies

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My grandparents on both sides were extremely religious (Lutheran). My parents, not so much. I pretty much went to church when the grandparents did, but they talked about the Bible a lot. I never felt a connection with the religion. Never. Even as a child, I felt like something was "off." Everyone else bought into it and I just couldn't. It felt false to me and for many years, I thought something was wrong with me--I was "faking it," hoping to eventually understand.

I'm raising my child in no religious way. All that she learns about religion is educational. We have talked to her about many different religions, essentially telling her, "Here is what different people around the world believe."

When she's old enough, she can decide if she wants to partake herself, or if she wants to forego it. We're just trying to empower her to look at things critically but with a great deal of respect.
 
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leifwright

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I picked the last option.

I was raised in a crazy amalgamation of Southern Baptist and Catholic.

When I became an adult, for about 20 years, I was fundamentalist Pentecostal, pastoring several churches and ghost-writing for just about every televangelist you could name. And then I got an attack of conscience and stopped.

Since that time, I have been what I call a hopeful agnostic (I hope there's a god, and if so he/she/it rewards being a good person, but I don't have enough evidence to support any kind of solid statement on its existence). I would be an atheist except I can't shake this deep-seated need to leave open the possibility that I'm an idiot.

My children aren't being raised without religion, per se, but they are not being indoctrinated into my beliefs or the beliefs of anyone else. If they ask me what I believe, I will gladly tell them what I believe (if you could even call it 'belief'), but otherwise, they may never know (unless they read my book, Deadly Vows, where I explain all that).

I think children of any intelligence will almost always resent indoctrination when they get older. My kids are raised with good morals - be an honest person; treat people with respect and compassion - but they are not being taught any religious underpinning to those morals.

Who knows how it will work out. I'm sure I'm screwing up their little heads in some way.
 
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edutton

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I would be an atheist except I can't shake this deep-seated need to leave open the possibility that I'm an idiot.
Quote of the day!

I'm sure I'm screwing up their little heads in some way.
Oh, I know that feeling... I think the best we parents can hope for is that the warping is not too severe. :rolleyes:
 

kuwisdelu

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I don't have kids, so can't really answer the poll.

And none *quite* fit me or what I would do for my kids.

Appreciating your ancestors and your culture is more important to me than religion, per se, although religious traditions are often a part of culture.

I'm Native American, and was more or less raised Zuni religiously, and try to still attend our religious dances and traditions whenever I'm in Zuni. There was never really a big emphasis on belief or anything like that, growing up though. More importantly, it's part of our culture and traditions.

In raising my future kids, I would also raise them to appreciate their culture. Belief isn't so important to me, as much as is respect for where they come from, and their ancestors, and their traditions. Spiritually, they can believe whatever they want, but I'd raise them in their culture and mine.

Of course, this is made more complicated by the fact that I plan to adopt, so my children will very likely not be Zuni by blood. I would like to raise them in both cultures.

Native American tribes have always had a tradition of adopting outsiders to become part of the tribe, so I would still raise them Zuni, although they could not be tribally enrolled due to blood quantum policies (1/4 for us). They could still participate in the religion, and I would expect them to participate in some parts of it, at least.

I would also want to raise them according to their ancestral culture, whatever that may be, which would likely include religious traditions from their culture. All of which would be a learning experience for me, as well, of course.

I'd want to learn to speak and raise them to speak their ancestral native language, too. My mother never spoke to me in Zuni enough, so I still don't speak my native language. I want my kids to have their native languages as their first languages.

What my children believe spiritually is up to them, but I would raise them to appreciate their culture, including their culture's religious traditions and practices, regardless of belief.
 
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