Apparently, Some Parents Believe Sex-Ed 'Rapes Children of Their Innocence"

Alpha Echo · Jan 21, 2016

The quote in the title alone pisses me off. I hate it when the word "rape" is used in any other way than the original definition. But I digress.

https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/parents-rage-over-sex-ed-class-that-rapes-151034433.html

Rival factions yelling at one another amid angry pushing. Tirades about condoms, and claims of misinformation. A parent declaring that children are being force-fed course material “straight from the pits of hell."

Such has been the tenor of recent school board meetings in Omaha as board members contemplate the first update in three decades of the school district’s sex education curriculum.

A public meeting in October ended in chaos after shouting and shoving broke out between supporters and opponents of the update who had packed by the hundreds into an auditorium.

I really don't understand parents. How can anyone truly believe that we just shouldn't talk about sex, and if we don't, our kids won't even think about it until they're married?

My daughter is 11. We had the sex talk when she was about 9. She asked, I told her. The discussions have evolved as she's grown. Whenever she has a question or something comes up on TV that I think is relevant, we talk about it. She's not embarrassed. I'm not embarrassed. We're open and honest with each other.

Her school has had FLE - Family Life Education - every year since she was in 3rd grade. I didn't have a problem with the way they were teaching about bodily changes and maturity and sex until this year.

During one discussion, they had the children write any question they wanted down on an index card. They read the cards aloud and answered the questions. The point was to allow the children to ask whatever they wanted anonymously. My daughter wrote down, "Do condoms help prevent disease?" We'd briefly had a discussion about condoms, but I guess it was more in relation to birth control (even though I'm pretty sure I mentioned the prevention of STDs as well).

When the teacher got to her question, she shook her head and said they weren't going to discuss that.

What???

Then DD's friends started asking her what condoms are b/c their parents haven't had the same talks with them that I have with her.

The whole thing just pisses me off - parents don't talk to their kids the way they should and schools don't discuss much other than the mechanics of it. It's like they all think, "Well, the kids shouldn't be having sex at all, so any talk about STD and pregnancy prevention is irrelevant."

FWIW - when DD told me about this incident, we did have a thorough discussion about condoms, including the fact that when she's older and dating, she should always carry some with her rather than trusting that the guy will have one with him. It's not just a male responsibility.

The comments on this article mostly surprised me. Yahoo tends to be pretty conservative, but most of the comments seem to be in support of Sex Ed being taught in school - and not just the bare minimum but all of it.

And parents...please parents talk to your kids about sex!!!! If you do it right, I promise your child will maintain his/her innocence. My daughter is one of the most guileless creatures I have ever met, despite our sex talks. She's just equipped with the right knowledge hopefully so that she makes good choices in her future.

Cyia · Jan 21, 2016

Far too many parents (and non-parents with loud opinions) believe that "discussion of a thing = endorsement of the thing." They don't want their kids having sex, so they pretend that it doesn't exist and their kids will have no knowledge of it whatsoever.

And more parents than that seem to be exceptionally embarrassed about bringing up the subject with their kids. It's a line of demarcation proving that their kidlets are growing up, and they'd rather keep them liddle, widdle, angelkins forever.

Zoombie · Jan 21, 2016

And America has some of the highest teen pregnancies in the developed world?

You don't say!

Now, it is dropping, but it could be dropping WAY faster.

Fruitbat · Jan 21, 2016

I think there's a happy medium. I've also known a couple of people whose parents took it too far the other way in my opinion, which I never hear mentioned in the discussions of parents who don't want their kids to know anything about sex. These parents seemed overly eager to discuss sex with their children beyond the children's developmental level or interest, in their zeal to not be those Puritan parents, I guess. The result was that the children (from the grown children's statements) were hugely grossed out if not mildly traumatized. They thought their parents were creepy, lol.

For example, if a five-year-old asks what sex means, they might just be asking in the sense that's answered by, "Your sex is if you're a boy or a girl." And a ten-year-old who heard the term "blow job" isn't asking for details of the process. So just to toss it out there, age appropriateness and common sense are nice.

Also, with the answers to any possible question a teenager has about sex at their fingertips on the internet these days, it's likely the whole topic of school sex education just isn't all that important anymore anyway. The schools certainly don't hold the keys to any rare and secret knowledge that they alone can dole out.

Personally, I didn't get much out of the school nurse's embarrassed attempts to talk about development/sex to a whole roomful of girls especially enlightening. There's no way in hell I'd have raised my hand and asked a question and risked looking like a dork who didn't already know everything in the world!

I would have loved to see the parents shoving each other in Omaha, though.

Maryn · Jan 21, 2016

I'd like to note that Wednesday, I assured a teenager online that she didn't have cancer and wasn't going to die, that blood coming from where she pees from is normal, as is the mild stomach ache. Nobody told this girl of 14 about periods, and she'd spent much of her school day in the restroom stall, crying as quietly as she could because she thought she was dying. I wanted to find her parents and shake them.

Tazlima · Jan 21, 2016

Maryn said:
I'd like to note that Wednesday, I assured a teenager online that she didn't have cancer and wasn't going to die, that blood coming from where she pees from is normal, as is the mild stomach ache. Nobody told this girl of 14 about periods, and she'd spent much of her school day in the restroom stall, crying as quietly as she could because she thought she was dying. I wanted to find her parents and shake them.

Damn. That poor girl.

robeiae · Jan 21, 2016

Zoombie said:
And America has some of the highest teen pregnancies in the developed world?

You don't say!

Now, it is dropping, but it could be dropping WAY faster.

Climate change?

cmhbob · Jan 21, 2016

Maryn said:
I wanted to find her parents and shake them.

I'd help.

kuwisdelu · Jan 21, 2016

Alpha Echo said:
My daughter wrote down, "Do condoms help prevent disease?" We'd briefly had a discussion about condoms, but I guess it was more in relation to birth control (even though I'm pretty sure I mentioned the prevention of STDs as well).

When the teacher got to her question, she shook her head and said they weren't going to discuss that.

What???

So... what did they discuss??

kuwisdelu · Jan 21, 2016

Fruitbat said:
Also, with the answers to any possible question a teenager has about sex at their fingertips on the internet these days, it's likely the whole topic of school sex education just isn't all that important anymore anyway. The schools certainly don't hold the keys to any rare and secret knowledge that they alone can dole out.

Unless these kids have wicked good mastery of parsing reliable information from BS on the internet*, I wouldn't trust the internet for sex ed, either.

Though I think it does help, of course.

But then there's also the possibility of those helpful websites not getting through the school's filters, and some kids not being able to search for those things due to parents monitoring their internet use.

*which IMO may be the most important thing schools can (attempt to) teach.

Vince524 · Jan 21, 2016

Fruitbat said:
I think there's a happy medium.

This. And for the life of me, I don't get why it's so hard. School should teach the facts about sex ed, which should include that abstinence is the only sure fire way to avoid pregnancy and STD's. No abstinence only and no here's a condom, you're going to have sex anyway. Many kids don't. Many kids do. It's up to the families to teach the morality of sex and at what age or relationship level it's acceptable and in the end, the kids or teens will have to make their own decision. But teach them the facts.

In addition, younger kids don't need to know everything. As they get older, the level of sophistication can grow with them.

We had those talks with both of my girls. Including about periods, pregnancy and eventually the mechanics. They both feel comfortable enough coming to us with questions and we give real answers. I've never pulled the 'go ask your mother' card either.

rugcat · Jan 21, 2016

The logic behind refusing to discuss condoms and STDs is simple.

If you inform kids about STDs, including the possibility of contracting aids through sex, they will be terrified and not have sex.

If you tell them that condoms, though not 100% effective, will provide protection against STDs, they will then proceed to go and have sex.

Since having sex is a bad thing, it's better to do everything possible to scare them away from it than it is to inform them that condoms offer protection, since that may increase the likelihood that they will have sex.

kuwisdelu · Jan 21, 2016

Vince524 said:
School should teach the facts about sex ed, which should include that abstinence is the only sure fire way to avoid pregnancy and STD's.

Abstinence doesn't always work either.

Fruitbat · Jan 21, 2016

Your mouth can't get pregnant! *nods sagely*

kuwisdelu · Jan 21, 2016

Fruitbat said:
Your mouth can't get pregnant! *nods sagely*

Indeed.

Maybe we should be teaching all the great ways you can have sex without risking pregnancy.

Like gay sex! (Usually.)

Fruitbat · Jan 21, 2016

kuwisdelu said:
Indeed.

Maybe we should be teaching all the great ways you can have sex without risking pregnancy.

Like gay sex! (Usually.)

Why Kuwi, I think you need to rush straight over to that meeting with the Omaha parents with that sugggestion. Come back and report the results!

Silva · Jan 21, 2016

"Take me to these parents," Silva said ominously, still irritated by the fact that it had been left to her alone to have The Talk with two of her adult sisters.

Vince524 · Jan 21, 2016

Silva said:
"Take me to these parents," Silva said ominously, still irritated by the fact that it had been left to her alone to have The Talk with two of her adult sisters.

I still remembered when my father told me that if I ever had any questions about "That stuff" I could talk to him if I needed.

I believe my response was, "Maybe later. Right now, I've got to change the diaper of my daughters."

Fruitbat · Jan 21, 2016

Vince524 said:
I still remembered when my father told me that if I ever had any questions about "That stuff" I could talk to him if I needed.

I believe my response was, "Maybe later. Right now, I've got to change the diaper of my daughters."

LOL!

I got an outstanding sex education from my boyfriends! Did you know that you can't get pregnant the first time, and oral sex is pretty much the same as a French kiss?

robeiae · Jan 21, 2016

Also, you can get gonorrhea from riding a tractor in your bathing suit.*

* Seinfeld reference.

Haggis · Jan 21, 2016

Did y'all know a tampon was what women used when they were sick? That's what my dad told me when I asked him for a match so I could light up what I thought was a firecracker. Must have been true. He'd never lie to me.

tjwriter · Jan 21, 2016

LOL!

Our sex ed at school was surprisingly good. We received the mechanics of how things work and the various methods of pregnancy and STD prevention. Being the nerdy girl I am, I learned more than that and became the go-to girl for all things reproductive related.

As far as my own kids, I answer their questions in an honest and age-appropriate manner. If the first answer is not enough, I am sure there will be follow-up questions.

Arm your kids with good, solid information so that they can make an informed decision when the time comes. It may not be the decision you want, but at least they are not walking into it blind and you know that the source of their knowledge is trustworthy.

c.e.lawson · Jan 21, 2016

Haggis said:
Did y'all know a tampon was what women used when they were sick? That's what my dad told me when I asked him for a match so I could light up what I thought was a firecracker. Must have been true. He'd never lie to me.

Well, those things do have wicks. Entirely understandable! Did YOU know that sanitary napkins were napkins reserved for special fancy dinners? That's what I thought when I saw the boxes in our closet next to the kitchen.

Haggis · Jan 21, 2016

c.e.lawson said:
Well, those things do have wicks. Entirely understandable! Did YOU know that sanitary napkins were napkins reserved for special fancy dinners? That's what I thought when I saw the boxes in our closet next to the kitchen.

I eventually got my sex education from my older sister who explained it all to me. It was a lot different than what I'd heard on the playground. I was shocked, mind you, shocked, though. I remember asking her if that meant that there was no Easter Bunny either. If I recall correctly I was about 19 at that time.

Vince524 · Jan 21, 2016

Haggis said:
I eventually got my sex education from my older sister who explained it all to me. It was a lot different than what I'd heard on the playground. I was shocked, mind you, shocked, though. I remember asking her if that meant that there was no Easter Bunny either. If I recall correctly I was about 19 at that time.

What the hell do you mean there's no Easter Bunny.

Apparently, Some Parents Believe Sex-Ed 'Rapes Children of Their Innocence"

I should be writing.

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Did...did I do that?

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saucy

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Evil, undead Chihuahua

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