Sigh.
Just got done breaking the news to our kids (7 kids, aged 11 - 21) that we're separating. Almost 23 years. We both brought a bunch of baggage into the marriage. It was my second, and the first didn't end well. She was young and naive about a lot of things. Neither one of us communicated well, especially in the beginning.
We've been in counseling for 18 months, as long as we dated. Both couples and individual. But when your therapists start saying, "We're running out of tools to try," maybe it's time to reconsider what you're doing. As we worked through everything, it finally became clear that the water that had passed under the bridge of our lives together was so caustic that it had eroded the foundations beyond repair. Counselors can't always keep a couple together, just like doctors can't always keep a patient alive. Sometimes the best they can do is to help you realize when it's time to let things go, and help you do so gracefully. I told the kids that we saved the relationship, but couldn't save the marriage. My wife said it's better that we go out like this, communicating well, and on decent terms, than the way we were at each other's throats 18 months ago.
So we're going out with a whimper, not a bang. We've already agreed on property, and I've already got a place to live lined up.
I'm 51 years old, and I'll soon be living on my own for the first time in my life. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
I know it's for the best, but it still sucks.