Quote Originally Posted by Joseph Schmol View Post
1st three of a new story I have up at SYW. I'm feeling I might want a different entry point into this story.


She was already on the elevator when I returned home from the grocery storye. It was Tuesday, almost perfectly mid-afternoon, maybe 2:45 (I'm not sure this adds to the scene your setting up here), the ideal dead zone for someone wanting to avoid all human contact. Yet there she was.
The last line is tripping me up a bit...the first two lines really set the scene, and the third one just falls a bit flat for me. I'd read on because I'm curious as to why the MC doesn't want her around, but I think you could make that last line a bit more engaging!